possible abuse?

[ianb]

Hi - new to these forums and out of desperation really. Apologies if this the incorrect section to post this.

I was wandering if anyone could help if they have shared anything similar. We live in the UK. My parent was diagnosed with blood droplet alzheimers - and to cut a long story short - we feel he is being abused - emotionally/physically and financially.

We have notified GP's, Social Services etc - but the (original) family are sick with worry. Everything seems to be so slow and with various confidentiality restrictions it is difficult. We really dont know what to do for the best, do we involve the police? My parent remarried prior to any serious decline. My parent now has frequent loss of total memory, flashbacks, strange ramblings about things (which are fascinating to listen to and take part with). GPs have been called out a few times so his condition is worsening.

Has anyone else experienced this and that may be able to offer any advices.

Thanks.

 

[Kayla]

Possible abuse

I don't know anything about blood droplet Alheimer's, but my Mum has Vascular Dementia which is caused by mini strokes in the brain. Last year she had a series of hallucinations, which culminated in her seeing my father (who had been dead for five years) coming in through the front door. She also thought we had put a family of boys in her front bedroom and there were dark men sitting on the floor of her lounge watching TV. She rang us at bedtime to find out what she should do about them.
Even now, after being given various types of medication in her Nursing Home, she might think she is in World War Two and the windows have been blown out so, "Be careful about the glass on the chair".
If I were you, I'd be very careful about making accusations of abuse, unless you are very sure of your facts. When your father married again, did you think his new family seemed like decent, kind people, or was there something you were suspicious about? If there was any definite evidence, then the police would need to be informed, but otherwise, you could contact the Social Services and the GP and say that you are very concerned about your father's medical condition and ask them make an assessment.
It might be better to avoid direct confrontation with the new family, but if the opportunity arose naturally, then you could mention what you'd been told by your father. Sometimes people suffering from Dementia don't even recognise members of their own family or think someone is stealing from them or trying to hurt them.
These symptoms of the disease are very distressing for all concerned.The new family might welcome your help and support if approached tactfully.

 

[ianb]

thank you, and a such a quick and valuable response.

Blood droplet as a remember is a condition where tiny drops of blood "leak" onto the brain - the resulting damage of this leads to alzheimers. (it was a while ago when this was explained to me so the actual name might be a bit off - sorry)

 

[ianb]

thank you kayla
it sounds similar - will check on the correct name for the diagnosis. very similar symptoms to my parent.

Without overfilling the forums with a full history (!) - the new family has systematically tried to cut him off - "loosing" fathers day cards etc. its awful. Telling him his old family dont want him anymore. This is part of the problem, a double whammy.

 

[Lila13]

Hope at least you can now convince him you do still want him.

It is very easy to get into those situations of accusation and counter-accusation, and often the people who have tried to do most to help are the first to get accused.

 

[ianb]

Hi Lila13
absolutely - we tell him/hug him every opportunity we get - not allowed many of those! - but each one is precious.

 

[Lila13]

Elder abuse

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/pressass/20070614/tuk-thousands-of-aged-suffered-abuse-6323e80.html

I do wonder how they know when there are so many false accusations (both ways).

Lila

 

[Brucie]

As with all these things I believe there is a large element of 'finger in the air' and guesswork, as well as "what does the commissioner of this research want to hear".

The sample is tiny and the results get publicity, whether correct or not. I'd guess that is the extent of it.

any publicity good publicity? Dunno, really.

 

[noelphobic]

any publicity good publicity? Dunno, really.

Good question Bruce. I personally think that while accurate, informed information is invaluable, misinformation can be extremely damaging.

I agree that the best course of action is definitely to contact Action on Elder Abuse. The name says it all - they will be the experts in this very difficult area.

 

[jenniferpa]

The problem with reports like this is methodology. I mean, how on earth do you accurately count things like this? If you take a representative sample and extrapolate then the sample is going to have to be able to answer your questions accurately and that excludes those people who have dementia, so likely there would be underreporting. Also where do you draw the line: shouting at someone because you've lost it probably comes under psychological abuse, yet I would suggest that the pressures a disease like dementia places on carers make such an action understandable, if not ideal. Which is not to say that elder abuse doesn't occur more frequently than we would like to think. I do wonder though whether funds spent on spent on stamping out such abuse might be better used in alleviating the conditions that leads to such abuse.

 

[Lila13]

At the time of my mother's aggressive phases and of most of the false accusations she had not yet been diagnosed, and I wonder what she (or others in similar phases) might have said to a strange research worker coming round asking questions. She might easily have opened the door to strangers, she wanted any sort of company, and they might easily have thought she was competent to answer and believed whatever version she chose to tell them. I expect the same applies to others who get surveyed.

How do they define neglect, given that in this country there is no "duty of care" to adult relatives, even if you live in the same house?