• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Poor Piedsmum is poorly again.

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grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,723
North Yorkshire
Evening Pied , Glad your Mum has had a peaceful & comfty day with the Sound of Music & her Caring Daughter by her side


Sending Special T P Vibes , Love & Comfort for tonight & in the days to come for you & your dear Mum



Love Grove x x x


P S Thanks for the reply about your Mum not being in the Brownies or Guides , guess in the old days it was not so easy to join that type of Group
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
South Ribble
Thanks everyone. Mum has been breathing and then there have been 20 second gaps between breaths. My sister is going to come home soon as she says she is very settled.
I ate a bit of tea tonight but I just feel sick.
X
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
2,965
West Hertfordshire
Treat yourself to one of your favourite things- have a long hot soak or something. You mum sounds so serene and peacefull and surrounded by love - I hope I can do the same for my mum.
 

angelface

Registered User
Oct 8, 2011
1,086
london
I have been following your thread, and know what a hard journey it is, I have been there too. Often a sense of unreality sets in, I think it is to help us get by, almost shock setting in before the event.

Should you loose your mum, you will never loose the love between you. It is the link that never breaks. How could you forget your mum any more than she would forget you?.

Wishing you as much strength and love as you need.

Gillxx
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
Dear Pied I've been following your thread and I'm glad that your Mum is peaceful.

In answer to your question 'what will you do without her'-I think you will take over the mantle of your mum and benefit from the lessons she has taught you when you were growing up.You will pass to your own children your loving memories of your Mum and in that way your Mum will continue to be a force in your own family life.She will live on in many ways.

Try to sleep well tonight Pied-I've noticed that you have been burning the midnight oil-but who could blame you.

Love and hugs

Lyn T
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,723
North Yorkshire
Oh Pied , Am no help or expert ( Sorry :( ) in answering that question

Just want wish could be with & hold your hand & give you a real BIG HUG


Love , Peace & Comfort Pied & hope you have some rest / sleep later


Take care & thinking of you


Love & BIG HUGS Love Grove x x x
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,805
Surrey
Dear Pied, when you lose your Mum, you never really will lose her as she stays around in your heart and around you. I still talk to my Mum now even 4 1/2 years down the line. And I still hear her responses to how I should handle things etc., so she remains in my heart and around me. Someone said to me at the time of losing my Mum "It was for the best really wasn't it?"..... it seemed harsh at the time but he was right .... my Mum was ready to leave.

Pied, you will be OK. All this trauma will pass in whatever way it is meant to be. Sending love xxxxxxxx
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
South Ribble
That does help, thanks. I know so many people who miss their mums. I just had a little panic back there. Thinking strong (or trying to) !
My sis says there is no way Mum is going anywhere. She thinks Mum has another 6 months in her. X
 

creativesarah

Registered User
Apr 22, 2010
9,478
East Hunsbury Northamptonshire
Lots of support Sis

Its the fears of wondering how you would cope that loom so large, my own experience is that somehow you do cope
life will never be the same but you can become a richer more compassionate person if you choose to allow yourself to be, but it takes time be gentle on yourself

Love Sarah
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,723
North Yorkshire
Hi Pied , Am glad you are trying to feel strong & just sending lots of Special T P Vibes for you that you feel strong today & in the days to come


Much Love & Support & thinking of you & your lovely Mum


Love Grove x x x x
 

florence43

Registered User
Jul 1, 2009
1,484
London
What you will do without her...

Dear Pied,

You describe so much of what I experienced with my own mum. But then, you always have.

How is it that she has battled on, 18 months after my lovely mum was freed from her illness? They were following parallel roads for so long, and I know that when I lost mum, you were thinking the parallels would continue, but they haven't. You have had more time with your mum, and I have had 18 months of loss. The pros and the cons...

I know what will lie ahead, in the broadest sense. Your relationship, from birth will, naturally, be unique and your memories will be your own, but what we share is a deep love and respect for the women who made us the women we are, and I believe you will follow a similar path to mine, as did our mums for so long. We will have the parallel roads. I've just gone a few junctions further...

So, it sounds as if your lovely mum is peaceful and nearly ready, and I remember this time being a bit like a pause button in my life. I knew she was going, and I knew she couldn't bounce back, but as the days and nights passed, each day seemed the same and the most ridiculous sense of denial set in. But, then one day (after 10 days) someone pressed the "play" button and the end of the story came.

So, what will you do without her...? If you're like me, and I know you are, you will feel this drive to make her proud of you. You will feel her presence and you will find enormous comfort from it. You will hear her words in your mind, and you will make decisions based on what she might have told you, and she will continue to have a huge presence in your everyday life.

You will miss her physical presence, and you will desperately miss her voice and touch, but you will spend much time saying her name and talking about her, keeping her name and memories alive and you will know that you live with no regrets about how you loved her and about how you cared for her. You will know that she is out of pain, and can finally be left alone. You'll know that no one can hurt her, and this will make you feel able to cope without her.

My mum is still with me everyday. I hear her, and sense her and I can talk to her when I wish, but knowing she is resting, and free from the cruelty of her illness is one of the comforts on which I have to cling. Doesn't mean the gaping hole in my life and the pain in my heart are any less, but I sense her relief and her smile that she is free.

Over time, I'm convinced you'll feel this too. There are a few big hurdles on the way, but you have a wonderful understanding husband, and you have so many friends, that when you wobble, you'll have strong support.

That, my lovely, is what you'll do without her, xxxxx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
Dear Pied,

I'm just catching up on TP today and wanted to know how you and your mum were. How wonderful that your mum is peaceful.

It seems to me that you have been through so much over this last couple of years and these trials and ordeals have made you stronger. You weren't able to have the support of your mum then because she was so very poorly but you managed one way or another. Maybe you are being prepared to be able to cope for when that time comes??!!

Sending you love and a (HUG) and wishing you continued strength and peace as you tread this path before you.
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
South Ribble
Thanks Annie and Helen. I'm sorry the chemo has had such a drastic effect and sorry the doctor put you back on it. Helen I hope you get on well today when you phone. Take good care.

Annie - you are showing me the way. Thank you. I am in awe of your coping with such grace.


I've just rung the home. They say Mum is the same as last night. Sis is going in and I'm off to work which I find the idea of ludicrous, faintly, since I feel I could sleep like Rip Van Winkle, frankly!

Have a good day everyone. Xxxx
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,723
North Yorkshire
Hello Pied , Thinking of you & your Mum , sorry you are tired Pied

Sending much Love , Support & Hugs



Take care


Love & Hugs Love Grove x x x x
 

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
Dorset
Dearest Pied,
Still thinking of you and your dear mum.
May she continue to be peaceful.
Sending more love and strength and hugs,
Nan XXX
 
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