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Poor Mum

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by angecmc, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,113
    hertfordshire
    My Darling Mum is on end of life has had most medication withdrawn, she is left with respiridone and paracetamol. She still eats and drinks a little, is now bedridden. Today's visit and throughout the weekend has been horrendous, she is hallucinating, shouting constantly names and numbers mixed in with crying, I cannot distract her with anything, she looks at me sometimes says yes then within seconds she's back to shouting, kicking her legs in the air and against the wall, she was calling for her Mum today. When I got home I phoned the GP, I asked about giving her something to ease her distress, they have agreed to give her trazadone to try and will review on Thursday, I even mentioned it would be kinder to sedate her, I know that is frowned on, but where is Mums dignity in all this? I want peace for her, this could go on for months. I hate dementia, please take Mum and let her have peace!

    Ange
     
  2. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    469
    Hi Ange,

    Sorry to hear what you are having to witness. It the helplessness when your PWD is suffering. I hoep someone more experienced than I can come and give guidance.
     
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    11,841
    Ireland
    Oh, I'm so sorry, for what both you and your mum are going through. I hope the doctor can help.
     
  4. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,810
    Ireland

    Ange, this is so traumatic for you and your Mum. I hope the trazadonen will help her.
    Yes love, it is a devastating disease.

    Sending you virtual hugs and lots of support,

    Aisling xx
     
  5. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    227
    I have no advice to give has Im experiencing this for the first time but wanted to say I understand how you feel and how dreadful the illness is.

    Hugs and take care of yourself xx
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    64,412
    Kent
    Hello Ange

    I agree about sedation at this stage . What is there to be gained by allowing someone to spend their last weeks/months in a continual state of upset.

    I think doctors are so scared of being accused of over subscribing they give less medication than they may have given in the past.
     
  7. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,113
    hertfordshire
    Thank you all for your support, nothing has changed with Mum so far, I am hoping to see GP tomorrow, can see myself pleading with them, Mum is so distressed, it hurts to see her like this. Today I sat on the bed beside her stroking her hair and face, nothing is calming her. She was shouting out numbers and calling for her Mum again and kicking her legs in the air and against the wall.Eventually I sang to her, I haven't got a good voice :eek:Mum eventually went to sleep. This really isn't right. Oh well let's see what tomorrow brings. I can't bear to stay all the time with Mum, this makes me feel guilty, if they would just sedate her, I could then sit longer with her, it's just torture. Thinking of everyone of us going through this last stage and those who have trod in our shoes before us xx

    Ange
     
  8. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,113
    hertfordshire
    Well so far so good since Mums Trazadone increased, she is calm relaxed, but very sleepy. At least she doesn't seem so tormented. It should be a happy day for Mum and Dad this Thursday, it's Mums 80th Birthday and it's their Diamond Wedding Anniversary. My dear Dad is so in love with my Mum, he has insisted on buying her a real diamond necklace, he wanted to get her a ring, but her poor fingers are so twisted, we would never be able to get one on her, so he's opted for the necklace instead. I am worried about her having an expensive piece of jewellery in the care home, but Dad has already lost so much I couldn't even try to persuade him not to do this, she will be wearing it all the time and is bedridden, so hopefully it won't go walk about. We are taking in sandwiches to eat with her when she has lunch and I am making her old favourite Victoria sponge cake. Not sure she will be able to eat it without adding Yoghurt as food needs to be smooth now, but we must try to make it a good day for them both. I have arranged for a message from the Queen, which I know Dad will be very proud of and we have got him a present as if from Mum, I know she would have wanted this. Just so sad that they can't celebrate as they should be able to. Dementia has robbed them of nearly everything . They are the bravest people I know, first losing a child at three years old then going through this torture, I am so proud they are my parents.

    Ange
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    11,841
    Ireland
    Ange, your post is heartbreaking. It must be so hard for your dad, with them having been together so long. I'm glad your mum is calmer though. Such an awful time for you.

    it is a risk, leaving an expensive piece of jewelry with someone in a nursing home. Sadly, it's not always other residents who are responsible when things go missing. Would you think about getting a cubic zirconia copy of the necklace to leave with your mum? I know others have done this with loved ones jewelry, like engagement rings etc.
     
  10. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,113
    hertfordshire
    A copy is a good idea, but Dad wouldn't want it, I'm not sure that I can go behind his back and just do it, even though I know he wouldn't be able to tell, will see what my Sister thinks. I have to say I trust the carers completely at this home, they even gave me back Mums ring when her fingers became so thin that the ring fell off, they found it on the floor. We are lucky in this way. I have said to Dad that he would have to be prepared that it could go astray, but he isn't budging. Not looking forward to the day at all. I think Dad will find it so hard, he has stayed so strong for so long.

    Ange
     

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