Poor Grandad

[Seeley82]

Hi,

My Grandad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and Dementia. Both my Grandad and Nan are very proud people, my nan especially. We had all the tests done to confirm his condition but they don't want any outside help.
I am amazed at how quick the condition took hold of Grandad, he struggles to speak, gets flustered and forgets who we are. I know that this is taking its toll on my poor nan but as I said she is too proud to get outside help.
Grandad enjoys walking now, he walks for miles and miles and always returns home without realising the stress my nan has been going through whilst he has been out for hours.
Are they doing the right thing continuing like this or is help the best option, if so what help is available.

Thank You all.
Garry

 

[ITBookworm]

Hi Gary and welcome to Talking Point.

Would Nan be willing to accept some help from technology? You can get gps 'tracking' devices that the sufferer has with them and can then be used to find them if needed. Nan would need to make sure that it was kept charged and that your Grandad always carried it with him when he was out.

They aren't cheap at all but if Nan and Grandad could afford it then it would give Nan some peace of mind that Grandad could always be found. The one I know about is the Buddi which was recommended by FIL's social worker but I believe others exist. The web site has more details on how it works etc.

In our case the council might have provided one but FIL would not have been able to keep it charged and couldn't be relied upon to use it (he lived alone) so we didn't take it any further.

Other than that all you can do is reassure Nan (and Grandad) and maybe see if she will accept very small amounts of help that can then be built upon later if needed. Would she consider having a cleaner or home help or similar? Something like that based on age rather than Grandad's problems so that there isn't the stigma that that generation associate with mental health problems

Good luck

 

[Seeley82]

Hi,
Thanks for the reply, my nan wouldn't even entertain any technology, lol, nor any home help, they live in a 6 bedroom house that they both clean from top to bottom on a weekly basis, I suppose continuity is best. The one thing we have developed on is a speech therapist for grandad so this might help him get his words out better and stop getting flustered.
Most of the time we know where he is, but our area has a lot of undesirable people about who wouldn't think twice about mugging a frail old man.
My nan puts clean cloths out daily for him to wear but he insists on wearing the same clothes for days on end so he is not looking his best.
I know it seems as if I am rambling on and on but my grandad means the world to me and seeing him like this really gets to me and I want to do all I can to help him and help my nan, I can't begin to imagine what she is going through.
People always say " Oh your poor Grandad", yes poor Grandad but please spare a thought for my Nan who is seeing her husband change daily.

 

[Big Effort]

Hello Garry,

In my experience Dementia makes weaklings of us all. All of us tend to manage far longer than is wise and we get burned out. I am burned out! Now I ask neighbours for help, I take Mum to dinner with friends, anything to spread the burden a bit.

There are all sorts of services available, but I cannot advise as I live in France. Others will come along and make suggestions.

I notice you are a grand-child. That is great that you are so caring and supportive. In the first instance, you can see your Nan needs down time and support. Perhaps you and all their children and the grand-kids could form a rota to help out. That way she could get some family support right away in a regular way. And it will allow you to see how she is coping and your grand-dad is faring, an insider perspective, so to speak.

Good luck, do keep posting to tell us how you get along. Take care, BE

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Garry, I understand completely, and how wonderful that you love your grandparents so much. I agree with BE, that engaging any other family members to help out could be a start to getting your nan to accept help. And maybe once she does that, she will be less resistant to other outside help. My dad has Alzheimer's and we arranged a care package, and Mum was so reluctant, especially about someone else doing her housework, as well as having strangers in the home. She is a fussy cleaner, but Dad had consumed all her energy so she just couldn't keep up. Fortunately, the agency was wonderful and Mum almost adopted the woman who did the housework!

I really think, since you're close to your nan, maybe you can express your fear about her health. She may feel inclined to agree if she thinks you're worried. She may also not want help because she's protecting your grandfather from his condition being highlighted.

Keep encouraging her, and loving them both.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[tiggs72]

Hi Gary

I also joined today and its amazing how so many people are going through the same thing with the same worries!

My dad was diagnosed in march with quite a late diagnosis (he kept it well hidden!) . Although he has carers four times a day - he still likes to go out for walks to the shops etc - I've recently learnt to find shopkeepers, neighbours etc that I can trust and explain the situation and give them my number - I also put a contact card in his wallet. I still worry all the time but have faith that there are good people out there who watch over them. It's a difficult situation as they have remained independent for so long, I try to take each day at the time and learn to adapt to each new challenge.

Good luck x