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    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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Pooing and Peeing outside

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by JigJog, Jul 17, 2016.

  1. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Please can someone point me in the right direction with my latest challenge?

    OH was diagnosed 3years ago. He is 65 and very fit and active. He loves to walk. He walks his own 6 mile route most days alone and is taken onto the hills once a week by a carer to walk there.

    The carer has said that he is not judging dangers correctly now and it might be time to walk with him or find a companion to walk with him to ensure his safety.

    I walked with him this morning. As we were passing through a children's playground, he stopped and started to drop his trousers. He was going to do a poo, as if there was nothing wrong with it! I was horrified and insisted that we needed to head back home as we were only 5 minutes away. He started swearing at me, pushed me out the way and I had a real battle on my hands to stop him, but I did.

    By the time we got home, he had pooed himself. No problem. I helped him to clean up and we set off again.

    On the way back from the walk, I turned to check he was ok and he was in someone's front garden peeing on their plants! I didn't manage to stop him, I'm afraid, and feel so ashamed and embarrassed.

    Recently there have been postings on the village FB page about a man pooing in public. I hadn't for one minute thought that it could be my OH but now I'm wondering.

    What can I do? He's really stubborn and isn't easily persuaded. He sees nothing wrong with it. I can't stop him walking but nor can I go through a repeat of this morning.

    Has anyone been through anything similar and can offer me advice? I'm a bit taken aback by it all.
    Thank you.
    JigJog x
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Oh my JigJog
    you did well to get back home without major incident with any children - what a worry

    I did find that my dad was not as aware of his surroundings as he had been when we went out and he did pee a bit openly at times when we were in the countryside - I ended up steering him to the nearest cover and then kept a look out - I'd have been able to deal with explaining to adults but was so worried a child would see him - he didn't though try a no. 2
    is it at all possible to have a regime of poo at home before a walk? I appreciate that one of the benefits of walking is that it helps keep things moving, and that's the effect you're encountering, so insisting on his 'going' before going out may not work
    might he wear pull ups whilst walking? or would he still try to pull them down?
    for peeing, I know there are containers available eg for use in cars - but that's not really solving the privacy issue - maybe have a towel to wrap him in?
    I do think you're wise to have him accompanied - is this possible every day?

    you say he has a particular route - is it a country walk or are there any public loos? can a new route be planned to keep him away from the playground?

    to be honest, I'm clutching at straws
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Sorry JigJog, that's a stressful thing to deal with. The only time OH did anything like that was when she went to the front of the house ( a couple of square yards between house and pavement) in the middle of night. She had a UTI after a few infections and a fit in the past few months beforehand.
    Best I can offer. All the best, Rob.
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    Unfortunately with incontinence even you cannot control your bowel and bladder movements anymore - they just come on suddenly. I think it might be time to introduce him to incontinence underwear, especially pull-ups. OH never relieved himself in public but he did get distressed when he couldn't make it to the loo in time. With inco pads this distress stopped. He seemed to understand that they were helping him contain it.

    Get your GP to refer you to the Continence Service.
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    As you've witnessed these incidents yourself, perhaps it might be an idea for your hubby to be accompanied at all times? I'm only thinking that someone seeing him do either of these things, might react in a less than kind manner, and jump to the wrong conclusions?

    It's a damned rocky road you have to travel caring for someone with AD, isn't it. :(
  6. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    Idk how old your husband are. But my grands would think acceptable to pee and poo on a tree. (Digging and hiding poo).

    Maybe someone walking with him and making sure the path is far from children places.

    Maybe walking indoor(some malls accept people walking inside before opening hour) he may understand better the need to use restroom.

    Maybe changing his walking time to after poo time. Or if walking make he want it, a small walk near home then bathroom then the big walk.
  7. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Thanks everyone. :)

    He does already wear pull ups but still pulls them down when he feels the urge to go at times.
    I shall certainly make sure that he is accompanied every walk now. I have a carer walking with him three days and I'll cover the rest.

    Shedrech, many thanks for telling me about the urine bottle. They are cheap and I have one ordered.

    I am just hoping we pass through this stage quickly. Coping with things in the privacy of your own home is one thing but this is really not nice.

    Fingers crossed for an 'uneventful' walk tomorrow.

    JigJog x
  8. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    #8 Rageddy Anne, Jul 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2016
    My husband started by peeing in the garden. He couldn't understand why I didn't like it. Then it was out on walks, peeing behind trees when caught short. And then, visiting a garden open to the public, he needed a poo, and we were too far from the toilets. Somehow I got him hidden behind a rather inadequate tree, but how embarrassing! He was mortified....he hadn't known the need was coming and he couldn't hang on!

    Making sure he's been before leaving home helps, and luckily he's normally a once-a-day man. Problems arise when he's been eating something like fruit, and he gets caught unexpectedly. He's as mortified as I am. So I pay more attention to what he eats and drinks, and also make certain he washes his hands frequently and thoroughly, as I think lowered hand hygiene can cause sudden upsets. Lastly, pads inside his pants, but of course, he still doesn't want to poo his pants.

    He is currently in a Care home for respite, and when I arrived the other day he was IN TEARS, having had an accident in front of other people. He cannot have been encouraged to go sooner. At home he's quite regular, early mornings when he has his shower is the time he will go, if given encouragement.

    So my experience so far would suggest frequent anticipation of his needs and regular timing if possible. Some mornings he will sit for ages on the loo while I potter about nearby, until the time arrives. Plus attention to hygiene and diet. After a few days in respite they told me he was constipated. He's never constipated, but had obviously been putting off going to the loo, probably because he didn't know where it was and didn't like to ask. I took him to the loo and he sat there for quite a long time, a bit distressed, until he managed to go. Care home carers probably don't have time to be patient. But these things can't always be rushed

    I do hope things improve for you...Its a difficult one.
  9. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    How difficult this must have been for you! I am so sorry that you now have this to worry about, as if there weren't enough other things when caring for a PWD :(

    I think BR-Ana's suggestion is a good one, if it can be worked. When I was running this was an issue for many of us and it was quite common to have a short run, go home to relieve oneself and then go out again for a longer run.
  10. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Thanks both for taking the time to offer support.

    I think you’re right Anne and monitoring when he’s ‘been’ is certainly helping. His new carer and I are trying to persuade him to walk in lots of different places; rather than OH insisting on doing the same route each day. That way, it keeps us away from the playground and we can choose the venue depending on whether he’s been or not.

    This morning the carer arrived and OH hadn’t been. He insisted he didn’t need to, so the carer took him for a walk along a nearby seafront. He knew of lots of cafes and public toilets to cope with things as they happened. Brilliant.

    So monitoring things, accompanying him each walk, watching his diet and carrying a urine bottle might just get us through this. Phew!

    Each new problem that crops up is a challenge isn’t it? With the help of you all on TP, I manage to find a way round things, just in time to sigh with relief before the next thing comes along and kicks me up the bottom!

    Thanks everyone.
    JigJog x
  11. elizabeth hc

    elizabeth hc Registered User

    Oct 31, 2012
    My O.H thinks it is o.k to poo in the shower every morning. Not as stress full as being outside but it drives me mad. Tried to encourage him to go before shower but then I am an interfering ------. Just keep the bleach handy! Oh the joys!
  12. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    Oh dear. what a carry-on this dementia lark is. I have now got to the point where we only go for a longer walk when he has opened his bowels. If not I keep the walk really quite short so as I hopefully get him home on time. So far so good. But the poor dog gets a bit fed-up. The last couple of weeks husband doesn't seem to want to walk much anyway. But I do my best to get him out for a walk everyday. We can't go anywhere else much as he is so unsociable. x
  13. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Oh elizabeth, I haven't had to deal with anything in the shower yet. Fingers crossed. Order more bleach, just in case. :eek:
  14. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Thanks Casbow. It is a carry-on. I agree. Like you, I'm monitoring OH's bowel movements and the dog's!!

    I've had a week without any incidents apart from him wanting to wee in the garden. I can cope with that. That's easy compared to last weeks difficulties.
  15. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I wish some of the "experts" who think they know what carers of people with AD go through, could read this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  16. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    Yes Scarlett. There have been many times when i have told someone something that he has been up to, (After they ask) and most people say "Oh don't worry people do understand". Well, I expect some of them do, but I think most people just think that Dementia is being forgetful and a bad memory. xx
  17. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I've lost count of the number of people who, over the years, have made sympathetic murmurs and said "I know what you must have gone through", and I feel like standing on a soapbox and screaming no you don't!

    Most people, and that includes an awful lot of "professionals", think that anyone with Dementia sits quietly in a corner, perhaps chatting to themselves, and that they might forget names and faces, but are quite amenable and docile.

    Pooing, peeing, violence, both mental and physical, are never considered and trying to deal with imaginary unwelcome visitors is unheard of by most folk. When our phone lines went down, for most of my neighbours it was just an inconvenience, and they could use their mobiles.

    For me, it meant sleeping on the floor by the front door, because Telecare wasn't working, and I had to stop John getting out. You multiply that instance by the zillions that carers face, day in, day out. I think you are all heroes and heroines.
  18. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    And Scarlett, you are a great comfort to us all. Your common sense, grounded advice and warmth are all appreciated.

    I don't post often, but read the forum several times a day. I appreciate your posts so much.

    Thank you!
  19. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    Aw .................... you're making me blush. :eek: It's my pleasure to help. :)

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