poems or readings for funeral

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by eastabout, Sep 7, 2015.

  1. eastabout

    eastabout Registered User

    Jan 6, 2012
    Hi. my mothers funeral is in 3 weeks, I have been asked to provide a poem/reading for the graveside funeral, There will only be 4 of us there, husband, me and 2 grandchildren. I did not have a very close relationship with my mother and most of the poems I have seen are too sugary sweet. Can anyone recommend something a bit less gushy?
  2. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Hello, I'm so sorry for your loss.
    It is difficult to find the words that express the right level of emotion, when outspoken love has been lacking in any relationship. I'm sure that you will find the right reading in time but here are a couple from me. My own preference would be for the Miss Me but let me go, but the other, Even such is time, might resonate, particularly if you are to be having a religious burial.
    In either case, having lost my Mum earlier this year, I send my sympathy.

    Miss me, but let me go

    When I come to the end of the road,
    And the sun has set for me,
    I want no rites in a gloom filled room
    Why cry for a soul set free?
    Miss me a little – but not for long.
    And not with your head bowed low.
    Remember the love that once we shared.
    Miss me, but let me go.
    For this is a journey we must all take,
    And each must go alone.
    It’s all part of the master plan,
    A step on the road to home.
    When you are lonely and sick at heart,
    Go to the friends we know,
    Laugh at all the things we used to do.
    Miss me, but let me go.


    Even such is time
    Even such is Time, that takes in trust
    Our youth, our joys, our all we have,
    And pays us but with earth and dust;
    Who in the dark and silent grave
    When we have wandered all our ways,
    Shuts up the story of our days;
    But from this earth, this grave, this dust,
    My God shall raise me up, I trust.
    Sir Walter Raleigh, explorer (1554-1618)
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    How about Crossing the Bar by Alfred Tennyson?

    Sunset and evening star,
    And one clear call for me!
    And may there be no moaning of the bar,
    When I put out to sea,

    But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
    Too full for sound and foam,
    When that which drew from out the boundless deep
    Turns again home.

    Twilight and evening bell,
    And after that the dark!
    And may there be no sadness of farewell,
    When I embark;

    For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
    The flood may bear me far,
    I hope to see my Pilot face to face
    When I have crost the bar.
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    I had 'Crossing The Bar', read by stepson2. I wanted to finish the service on an up, so found this one. OH had even marked as one he specially liked about 10 years ago! He really liked poetry and had read it all his life until his ability to read was lost.

    If I should go before the rest of you,
    Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone.
    Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice,
    But be you usual selves that I gave known.

    Weep if you must,
    Parting is hell,
    But life goes on,
    So Sing as well.

    If I should go before the rest of you
    Joyce Grenfell

    I did it -over acted cos otherwise I would cry, and everybody walked out to 'Take Five' by Dave Brubeck
  5. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    I've had a look at the poems I used for Roger, but they were not appropriate for your circumstances! They would have proved too gushy, but then our relationship was very different from yours with your Mum.

    I did try, but no luck, sorry!
  6. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    Hi, I had this one for my Mother's funeral:-

    God saw you were tired
    When a cure was not to be
    So He wrapped his arms around you
    and whispered "come to me"
    You didn't deserve what you went through
    So He gave you rest
    God's garden must be beautiful
    He only takes the best
    And When I saw you sleeping
    So peaceful and free from pain
    I could not wish you back
    To suffer that again
  7. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    My hubby read this one at his mum's funeral a few months ago. I don't know whether you feel it is appropriate for your circumstances -

    She is gone -

    You can shed tears that she is gone
    Or you can smile because she has lived
    You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
    Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
    Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
    Or you can be full of the love that you shared
    You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
    Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
    You can remember her and only that she is gone
    Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
    You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
    Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

    I do hope you are able to find something that you are comfortable with.
  8. eastabout

    eastabout Registered User

    Jan 6, 2012
    Thank you everyone for taking the trouble to send in a poem, all of them were really lovely. The one I think I will choose though was suggested by Beate and previously posted by the author acorn 123,

    There was a time when I was free
    To live my life in harmony,
    Before the illness, which blighted me,
    Swept faces and places from my mind,
    People I loved from my memory.

    Remember me as I used to be.
    Think of me; remember my smile,
    The love we shared; linger awhile.
    I am at Peace now, I am me.
    At rest for all eternity.

    Its very apt but also succinct.
  9. jstallan

    jstallan Registered User

    Aug 11, 2015
    We've just had to find such a poem for our Dad. He wouldn't have liked a 'slushy/gushy' one but that didn't stop the love and affection between us. We knew he loved us and he knew knew we loved him. This is what we've chosen..

    “We Thought Of You Today”

    We thought of you with love today.
    But that is nothing new.
    We thought about you yesterday.
    And days before that too.
    We think of you in silence.
    We often speak your name.
    Now all we have is memories.
    And your picture in a frame.
    Your memory is our keepsake.
    With which we'll never part.
    God has you in his keeping.
    We have you in our heart.
  10. Markgra

    Markgra Registered User

    Jan 9, 2016
    Reading I wrote for Grandads funeral

    I wrote this about my Grandad who passed away after having Alzheimers to try and let people understand and remember the real person he was despite what he may have said and done once consumed by the condition

    Now I have now gone I can converse freely again!
    No restraints of a disease that twisted the very essence of my character behold me
    I have been held in a state of spiritual limbo ...
    The Me you all knew had long since departed this world
    My attempts to return as Me, as you know, as you observed
    Were infrequent
    My cheeky laugh, my loving kiss, the big smile when you first came in were all heartfelt but alas my brain could not maintain the true feelings I tried to depict
    I have no need to apologize for the harmful comments
    The odd physical back lash
    The times I told you to go away
    As you know that was not me but the disease that had developed
    My time came a while ago but by body remained argumentative!
    Now I have passed you must remember the real me
    The times we laughed
    The times we cried
    The times shared during my real life
    Remember my big smile as you entered the room as this is what you truly meant to me.
  11. Kristivazq

    Kristivazq Registered User

    Jun 6, 2015
    That is the poem we used on the prayer program for my Daddy's funeral. It is beautiful.
  12. Deputypink

    Deputypink Registered User

    Aug 4, 2013
    I'd like the memory of me
    to be a happy one.
    I'd like to leave an afterglow
    of smiles when life is done.
    I'd like to leave an echo
    whispering softly down the ways,
    Of happy times and laughing times
    and bright and sunny days.
    I'd like the tears of those who grieve,
    to dry before the sun
    of happy memories
    that I leave when my life is done.
  13. velo70

    velo70 Registered User

    Sep 20, 2012
    Hi. 11 months since my loss, of my lifelong sweetheart.
    I haven't been on here for some time, because the pain, anger is still there.
    A poem suitable might well be the Thos Hardy one.
    I quote:-

    Regret not me, Beneath the sunny tree, I lie uncaring, slumbering, peacefully,
    I did not know, that heydays fade and go,
    But deemed what was would always be so.

    Regards to you all, Gordon
  14. Amble

    Amble Registered User

    Jun 5, 2007
    Surrey UK
    This verse may be comforting for you to send to a bereaved friend?
    No words can comfort all we can do
    Is share your North face route with you.
    No one can take your pain away
    Or cut bereavement's journey short.
    Perhaps you would not want them to
    Your grief is all that's left to you
    Of one so loved who could not stay.
    All we can do is walk with you
    And try to match our steps to yours.
    Just keep on walking day by day .
    But let us share that cold road too
    To walk a little way with you

    ( by Mary Sheepshanks)

    and I particularly like this one

    "all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language;
    and every chapter must be so translated;
    God employs several translators;
    some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice;
    but God’s hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another.”

    John Donne

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