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PoA and forward planning

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Pudster, May 20, 2015.

  1. Pudster

    Pudster Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    24
    Braintree
    My OH was diagnosed with AD 2 years ago. We were left high and dry following this, with very little advice or guidance. I see that he is deteriorating and have gently tried to support him to prepare for his future, ie. writing a will, PoA for both finance and welfare, attendance allowance etc. He has always been resistant to any of these, so long as he keeps retaining his driving licence, albeit he does not drive anywhere. I feel it has come to the point that if he doesn't sign and register PoA soon, it will no longer be an option. I had PoA for finance set up ready, but he has shredded it. My difficulty is that we have joint accounts but he has the income. What will happen when he no longer has capacity but we need to make larger purchases that need financial agreement???
    Am I getting unnecessarily wound up? I have tried to get a friend of his to support him with it, but he doesn't understand the process and has fed from OHs lack of mistrust of me, I feel and so is cautious. I feel this has not been helped as I am the only one offering advice, therefore suggests that :confused:I am 'money grabbing' just to maintain the status quo I do not work as my life between a husband and autistic son is time consuming enough, however, I feel I have no autonomy. Advice please.
     
  2. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Feel for you Pudster - I went through all the "you are stealing my money" scenarios but the joint account was a boon when it came to making payments once he lost total capacity. In the end I consulted a solicitor - had to register POA with the Court of Protection - expensive but at least everything became water-tight and I knew how to deal legally with financial situations. I am sure others will be along with help and support and suggestions shortly. Meanwhile thinking of you and hoping for the best for you both WIFE
     
  3. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    19,041
    Male
    North Manchester
    #3 nitram, May 20, 2015
    Last edited: May 20, 2015
    Is there any chance that you could both make mirror wills and LPAs?

    His LPA could appoint you and A N Other(s) as joint and several attorneys.
    Your could appoint him and A N Other(s) as joint and several attorneys.

    This approach may soften his accusation that you are money grabbing, it's not money grabbing it's just sensible forward planing.

    Forward planing for a will is obvious but you could fall over a kerb tomorrow, hit your head, and loose capacity.

    Not having an LPA in place can be more devastating for relatives than dying intestate.
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Hubby and I have a shared bank account, too. We were told we didn't need PoA because of this! With absolutely nothing from anyone for the following years, I had to just take everything in my own hands, like getting utility bills put in my name and made out the DD's for them all.

    When you're completely left to fend for yourself, you take the bull by its horns and learn to become extremely independent. I've learned how to do a lot of things, now. Even a bit of DIY!

    I was told today that he now has no capacity to care for himself. I could have told them that four or more years ago.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,569
    Female
    South coast
    Mum has Alzheimers and every time I suggested POA to her I just got a huge tirade and an absolute refusal. Eventually I have had to go down the Court of Protection route. without it I dont know how I would have sorted out her care home fees. If you can get POA it is definitely cheaper and quicker though.
    I like the idea of you both going for POA and organising wills. If you go together then he may be less suspicious of it.
     
  6. Pudster

    Pudster Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    24
    Braintree
    Hi thanks for all your suggestions. I will chat about both of us completing wills and PoAs together and see how that is received!
    WIFE can you advise me what PoA with COP is please. I am really not wanting COP as I understand the maintenance of it is quite a rigorous process whereas PoA is more straight forward. Ultimately all I want to do is maintain the status quo but with responsibility when it is needed. I manage it all anyway! responsibility with no authority!
     
  7. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I wonder of Di is thinking of Deputyship. That is the Court is the attourney and the Deputy is merely the Court's representative. I say 'merely' but of course the Deputy does all the work. This is what I had to do as my husband deterorated so quickly following a major operation that it was too late for LPA whereas he had been ok before and we thought we had plenty of time to get the LPA organised.

    We were told that it is possible for a joint account to be frozen if one of the joint account owners is suspected of having dementia. We were in that position and, like you most of the income was from my husband's pensions.

    I would try to avoid Deputyship if you can as it can be a bit onerous to set up and the ongoing detailed accounting and annual report is a pain! Good luck.
     
  8. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    I expect it was something to do with having set our individual POA's up quite a few year's ago with our solicitor as joint POA. When it became time to invoke my husband's POA of course it had to be done through the solicitor who had to register her interest with the COP. I never had any problems with the joint account - only using it to make payments on my husband's behalf. Last year was a strange year financially - would take me too long to explain why here. If you are unsure of anything financially - best to get professional advice. WIFE
     
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I think it is the OPG with whom the LPA is registered but maybe the solicitor needed permission or something - haven't heard of that before , so can't really say.

    I had no problems with the bank regarding our joint bank account either but they were not aware of Dave's dementia until I took in the Deputyship authority to them as I rarely have to go into the bank and Dave never went!
    I attended a Memory Matters course where the talk given by a soliciter for the elderly was full of a case where a wife could not access any money because a bank clerk had reported that her husband was showing signs of confusion and the account was frozen. She had to wait for Deputyship to bee granted before the situation could be rectified.
    Mind you, it was in her interest to tell the tale but it is something that could happen.
     
  10. Pudster

    Pudster Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    24
    Braintree
    thanks all. Still no move forward re PoA this end as he feels he can manage his finances. Doesn't get that this is a real opportunity to have a say now and into the future :mad:
     

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