I would like outside perspective on this particular situation.
My lovely uncle (Alzheimer's since 2017) is pleasant, gentle and hates confrontation. He granted joint and several POA to both his adult children - his daughter cares for him in his home and the son lived abroad until about a year ago but has returned and lives about 20 miles away. His daughter ensures he is safe and very well cared for and tries to encourage and maintain his skills and friendships. Although his son could have travelled during Lockdown to give my uncle some care/offer respite he has not and has only seen him about 4 times for about 30 minutes. He phones once every ten days but his father finds his manner interrogatory and only gives monosyllabic answers.
Physically my uncle is in good health for his 75 years. However, the course of the disease together with Lockdown has had an impact on his mental wellbeing, communication and friendships.
On arrival back in this country the son phoned the sister and asked if he and his family could temporarily stay with their father and her (he could have stayed with his daughter as was the expectation). Therefore my uncle, his daughter and the son and his family had to quarantine indoors for 14 days. It started well but the overcrowding and pent up emotions resulted in arguments. After an argument the daughter was so upset and ganged up upon that she left home taking her father with her and they stayed in a hotel until her brother moved out of my uncle's house and it was safe to return.
Since then the two siblings are not speaking. The son did not return his father's car as agreed but instead gave it to his daughter and this resulted in quite a few days where the father had to beg his granddaughter for his own car back and thereby be empowered to decide for himself who should have his property. The son has stated that he never wants to talk to his sister ever again. Any communication is now by email and that can descend into accusations. The son does not have much experience of Alzheimer's and when he phones he bombards his father with questions which he gets monosyllabic/random answers to. If the daughter intervenes she is accused of interfering. There has even been an admission that the son’s daughter has set up a listening device in the home. A total violation!
The daughter ensures her brother gets emails about the outcome of medical appointments. If the son comes to visit his father, the daughter absents herself/goes straight to her room to avoid upset/conflict.
A couple of months ago (when the daughter was having a shower) her father went walkabout, Thankfully the police found him quickly. However, this has reignited the dispute with more vengence. The daughter is being blamed. While he has never asked about the Emergency Care Plan for his father, the son walked into the daughter’s bedroom and demanded she hand over bank statements (both my uncle's and hers). Shocked by the tone/arrogance, the daughter said no. Her brother knew his father's bank statements were in plain view in the living room. He then followed his sister from room to room implying she was not acting properly. He then demanded keys to the house. He knew if he asked his father for keys he would have been told no also (he has previously taken his adult daughter's keys and given them to another relative without permission). Subsequently and behind his father's and sister's back he phoned the Office of Public Guardian and inaccurately told them he is not getting ANY information and his father no longer has capacity so they advised him to register his POA with the bank so he can access his father's current account (which has upset his father as he is now being denied online access until it is sorted out - two weeks now). He has also enacted his POA with his father's GP thereby embarrassing his very private father that 'everyone' knows about the family dispute. My uncle is furious - he was reticent about granting his son POA but when the son was abroad there wasn't any problem and it was not expected he would want to scrutinise bank accounts (which are all above board). Indeed it was the daughter who encouraged him to be fair and grant his son POA in the hope that by including him he wouldn't kick off and she might even get some help. It has not worked out so and I do not believe it ever will. Now for months my uncle has been consistently telling his daughter that he wants the son’s POA revoked BUT he will not tell him himself.
During the pandemic it has proved problematic to revoke the POA because when his lawyer was told about the situation the daughter said that her brother would say his father is being influenced (the lawyer did not speak to my uncle). The lawyer wants the GP to decide if my uncle has capacity for this decision. The GP has not replied to for the request for assessment.
The question is does my uncle have the capacity to make this particular decision? His son is now saying his sister is "unfit" to look after her father (she is not) and that care homes should be discussed. He has never asked his father about this and does not seem to understand the principles of the POA Code of Practice - benefit, consulting the granter and taking into account his past and present views (which are to avoid a care home as long as it is possible). Instead it is a vendetta where the son wants his sister out of their father's house and is falsely saying he is being denied access to his father. The daughter would gladly leave but would have the same problems if she and her father lived in a home she rented/owned.
Nobody else thinks my uncle is anywhere near needing a care home. When there is not upset he is very content as is his carer.
Generally (urine inflections aside), my uncle can dress himself, sometimes make a cup of tea, sometimes can help preparing a snack, can read newspaper headlines and the first couple of paragraphs, wants to attend church, wants to visit friends and can be chatty at times with people he trusts. He can have detailed conversations with his carer about what he wants eg for the future, for that day, what he wants to eat/wear, who he wants to see etc.
However, he has increasing anxiety. He does not want to talk to his son and does enjoy his unexpected visits although his daughter tries to encourage him. He generally does not want to take part in activities although he will go to the shops, walk around the garden centre, watch tv programmes that interest him etc. He does not talk much and rarely initiates conversation. He has decided he doesn't want to talk to his son who he finds overbearing and does not see regularly. His son is therefore accusing the carer POA of influencing his father against him. My uncle is aware of this and he is increasingly down about the situation. The daughter who was coping very well is now full of doubts. She has arranged for an advocate for her father and has told some of his church friends about the situation in the hope that they will look out for her father's interests and tell her if they are concerned in any way. Nobody has raised any concerns.
Uncle consistently remembers his name, date of birth, address, but not his telephone number or his age. He takes his medication but does not know the names of the medication and sometimes can't remember what conditions they are meant to improve. He generally knows the Prime Minister's name but can't count 7 backwards. He remembers family members but cannot always remember their names and he is increasingly not bothered about people who he does not see regularly. He always wants his daughter to physically swipe his bus pass, his debit card in shops and use the autoteller if he wants cash - but can decide what to buy and how much he wants out of the machine. He sometimes forgets grandchildren's names as he hasn't seen them in some time. He does not always know how much money he has but knows that his monthly income is sufficient for his needs and always looks at his bank account statements and is reminded by his daughter of the past month's transactions. He refuses to phone people unless it is set up for him and he does not answer the telephone for himself. He also refuses to open the door to the house himself. But he does know that he owns his own home and does not want his son to have keys to the house. He consistently says he does not trust his son who has on more than one occasion gone behind his back. He tells his daughter to reply to emails but she has to put his ideas into sentences for him so he can be properly read/understood and that leads the son to say it is his sister's words and not his. When sundowing, he may not know where the fridge or light switches are but in the morning he improves.
His daughter is very committed to looking after him but is being undermined. My uncle can have a decent conversation with her and can sensibly answer questions about right and wrong (simple moral dilemma situations). When she read him some of the POA document he felt the powers he had granted were far too much and wanted his son's name removed immediately. His daughter assumes capacity and tries to follow out his instructions which are sensible and always checks that he is being consistent in what he wants. However she is now down about the increasing disruption from her brother and worries that she has been swept up in following her father's wishes. She has all the caring and POA recording and is exhausted and instead of any help has disruption.
I feel my uncle has capacity to make the decision about POA as it would be better if the daughter was the only one with the POA because the son is now wanting to discuss care homes and nobody other than him thinks my uncle is ready to benefit from this. I feel if action is not taken this situation will continue and escalate.
Any advice welcome. Does my uncle have enough capacity to revoke his son's name on the POA or are we the deluded ones?
My lovely uncle (Alzheimer's since 2017) is pleasant, gentle and hates confrontation. He granted joint and several POA to both his adult children - his daughter cares for him in his home and the son lived abroad until about a year ago but has returned and lives about 20 miles away. His daughter ensures he is safe and very well cared for and tries to encourage and maintain his skills and friendships. Although his son could have travelled during Lockdown to give my uncle some care/offer respite he has not and has only seen him about 4 times for about 30 minutes. He phones once every ten days but his father finds his manner interrogatory and only gives monosyllabic answers.
Physically my uncle is in good health for his 75 years. However, the course of the disease together with Lockdown has had an impact on his mental wellbeing, communication and friendships.
On arrival back in this country the son phoned the sister and asked if he and his family could temporarily stay with their father and her (he could have stayed with his daughter as was the expectation). Therefore my uncle, his daughter and the son and his family had to quarantine indoors for 14 days. It started well but the overcrowding and pent up emotions resulted in arguments. After an argument the daughter was so upset and ganged up upon that she left home taking her father with her and they stayed in a hotel until her brother moved out of my uncle's house and it was safe to return.
Since then the two siblings are not speaking. The son did not return his father's car as agreed but instead gave it to his daughter and this resulted in quite a few days where the father had to beg his granddaughter for his own car back and thereby be empowered to decide for himself who should have his property. The son has stated that he never wants to talk to his sister ever again. Any communication is now by email and that can descend into accusations. The son does not have much experience of Alzheimer's and when he phones he bombards his father with questions which he gets monosyllabic/random answers to. If the daughter intervenes she is accused of interfering. There has even been an admission that the son’s daughter has set up a listening device in the home. A total violation!
The daughter ensures her brother gets emails about the outcome of medical appointments. If the son comes to visit his father, the daughter absents herself/goes straight to her room to avoid upset/conflict.
A couple of months ago (when the daughter was having a shower) her father went walkabout, Thankfully the police found him quickly. However, this has reignited the dispute with more vengence. The daughter is being blamed. While he has never asked about the Emergency Care Plan for his father, the son walked into the daughter’s bedroom and demanded she hand over bank statements (both my uncle's and hers). Shocked by the tone/arrogance, the daughter said no. Her brother knew his father's bank statements were in plain view in the living room. He then followed his sister from room to room implying she was not acting properly. He then demanded keys to the house. He knew if he asked his father for keys he would have been told no also (he has previously taken his adult daughter's keys and given them to another relative without permission). Subsequently and behind his father's and sister's back he phoned the Office of Public Guardian and inaccurately told them he is not getting ANY information and his father no longer has capacity so they advised him to register his POA with the bank so he can access his father's current account (which has upset his father as he is now being denied online access until it is sorted out - two weeks now). He has also enacted his POA with his father's GP thereby embarrassing his very private father that 'everyone' knows about the family dispute. My uncle is furious - he was reticent about granting his son POA but when the son was abroad there wasn't any problem and it was not expected he would want to scrutinise bank accounts (which are all above board). Indeed it was the daughter who encouraged him to be fair and grant his son POA in the hope that by including him he wouldn't kick off and she might even get some help. It has not worked out so and I do not believe it ever will. Now for months my uncle has been consistently telling his daughter that he wants the son’s POA revoked BUT he will not tell him himself.
During the pandemic it has proved problematic to revoke the POA because when his lawyer was told about the situation the daughter said that her brother would say his father is being influenced (the lawyer did not speak to my uncle). The lawyer wants the GP to decide if my uncle has capacity for this decision. The GP has not replied to for the request for assessment.
The question is does my uncle have the capacity to make this particular decision? His son is now saying his sister is "unfit" to look after her father (she is not) and that care homes should be discussed. He has never asked his father about this and does not seem to understand the principles of the POA Code of Practice - benefit, consulting the granter and taking into account his past and present views (which are to avoid a care home as long as it is possible). Instead it is a vendetta where the son wants his sister out of their father's house and is falsely saying he is being denied access to his father. The daughter would gladly leave but would have the same problems if she and her father lived in a home she rented/owned.
Nobody else thinks my uncle is anywhere near needing a care home. When there is not upset he is very content as is his carer.
Generally (urine inflections aside), my uncle can dress himself, sometimes make a cup of tea, sometimes can help preparing a snack, can read newspaper headlines and the first couple of paragraphs, wants to attend church, wants to visit friends and can be chatty at times with people he trusts. He can have detailed conversations with his carer about what he wants eg for the future, for that day, what he wants to eat/wear, who he wants to see etc.
However, he has increasing anxiety. He does not want to talk to his son and does enjoy his unexpected visits although his daughter tries to encourage him. He generally does not want to take part in activities although he will go to the shops, walk around the garden centre, watch tv programmes that interest him etc. He does not talk much and rarely initiates conversation. He has decided he doesn't want to talk to his son who he finds overbearing and does not see regularly. His son is therefore accusing the carer POA of influencing his father against him. My uncle is aware of this and he is increasingly down about the situation. The daughter who was coping very well is now full of doubts. She has arranged for an advocate for her father and has told some of his church friends about the situation in the hope that they will look out for her father's interests and tell her if they are concerned in any way. Nobody has raised any concerns.
Uncle consistently remembers his name, date of birth, address, but not his telephone number or his age. He takes his medication but does not know the names of the medication and sometimes can't remember what conditions they are meant to improve. He generally knows the Prime Minister's name but can't count 7 backwards. He remembers family members but cannot always remember their names and he is increasingly not bothered about people who he does not see regularly. He always wants his daughter to physically swipe his bus pass, his debit card in shops and use the autoteller if he wants cash - but can decide what to buy and how much he wants out of the machine. He sometimes forgets grandchildren's names as he hasn't seen them in some time. He does not always know how much money he has but knows that his monthly income is sufficient for his needs and always looks at his bank account statements and is reminded by his daughter of the past month's transactions. He refuses to phone people unless it is set up for him and he does not answer the telephone for himself. He also refuses to open the door to the house himself. But he does know that he owns his own home and does not want his son to have keys to the house. He consistently says he does not trust his son who has on more than one occasion gone behind his back. He tells his daughter to reply to emails but she has to put his ideas into sentences for him so he can be properly read/understood and that leads the son to say it is his sister's words and not his. When sundowing, he may not know where the fridge or light switches are but in the morning he improves.
His daughter is very committed to looking after him but is being undermined. My uncle can have a decent conversation with her and can sensibly answer questions about right and wrong (simple moral dilemma situations). When she read him some of the POA document he felt the powers he had granted were far too much and wanted his son's name removed immediately. His daughter assumes capacity and tries to follow out his instructions which are sensible and always checks that he is being consistent in what he wants. However she is now down about the increasing disruption from her brother and worries that she has been swept up in following her father's wishes. She has all the caring and POA recording and is exhausted and instead of any help has disruption.
I feel my uncle has capacity to make the decision about POA as it would be better if the daughter was the only one with the POA because the son is now wanting to discuss care homes and nobody other than him thinks my uncle is ready to benefit from this. I feel if action is not taken this situation will continue and escalate.
Any advice welcome. Does my uncle have enough capacity to revoke his son's name on the POA or are we the deluded ones?
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