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Pneumonia

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
This is the first time that me and my sister have ever been away at the same time and mum is on her way to hospital with low oxygen levels and a chest infection (suspected pneumonia). I'm sure she has waited until we are both away.
I have spent everyday with her for the last 4 weeks while she was ill then got gradually better before I went away eating normally. I am back on Wednesday but feel I've let her down not being with her. She may not survive this and I've spent so much time with her over the last 6 and a half years. I think it's me that probably wants her to keep going but in reality she had had enough a long time ago.
I just wish I was with her now.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Thank you for your kind words.
Just spike to the doctor at a&e and I can tell by what she says that she us fine. I asked her directly If i should get a flight back and she said oh no she is interacting with them and everything is lovely (her favourite word). I think she is better off in hospital.
 

100 miles

Registered User
Apr 16, 2015
109
Emomam,

It is so hard watching relatives becoming more frail in fits and starts. It is impossible to predict what will happened one day to the next. Just that over time things change and they become more fragile.

I hope you manage to enjoy your break. You will be back soon enough.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
That's true. I've just I've always been there at the hospital with her. She can't tell the doctors if she's in pain or feeling ill but I suppose the stats will speak for themselves. Fly back of Tuesday.
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Emoman, as she is in hospital you know for sure she is being looked after, and as you say stats speak for themselves. So find some peace in that and let yourself relax whilst you are away. Like you said you have always been there looking after her, and you know now that she is being looked after. So enjoy your break and look after yourself.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Thanks for all the positive messages. Mum now released back to care home and I'm on my way home tomorrow (didn't change my flight). This forum is so important for every one. Nothing worse than feeling alone in a difficult situation. Thanks again for your support.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Well we are back at the hospital on a Saturday night. The pneumonia started to get worse again so the wonderful staff at the care home called the paramedics. Most of the same staff were on duty at the hospital so knew her. They also reassured me that it's quite normal for pneumonia to take some shifting and she is still better than last week.
I also found out that one of the care staff stayed with her for 2.5 hours in a&e and only went when the staff said mum was no problem and that she should go. The care home is so good.

On the whole phoning from Mexico was a lot less stressful than spending 5.5 hours in hospital with mum. Mum was so grateful though.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,034
Yorkshire
hi Emomam
sorry to read that your mum is back in hospital
really good to know that the staff of her care home and at the hospital are being so supportive; that will help your peace of mind
best wishes
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
England
Only posting to virtually 'hold your hand'.

As CardiffLady said, don't know how they do it but they always seem to sense if you're unavailable and have an emergency.

We've had this scenario so often during the past 7/8 years that I now longer pay any attention and carry on with holiday/ visit etc. In the early years when i wasn't 24 hrs I just used to phone her the usual 3 times a day and not tell her where I was phonong from and she'd assume it was from Home. By that time she was never interested in anything we did so we didn't have to tell her anything about what we'd done on holiday.

This may sound hard to you where you are but just before our last holiday she was particularly bad and the Dr made sure all her DNR / just in case meds etc were all updated so should something happen in the following week, it would not be an expected event.
I informed the Home (as I have done every time we've been away since she's reached this stage) which funeral Home would be dealing with her, informed sons what to do and even got her burial clothes out for her, just in case.

I've said 'the final Goodbye' too many times over the past 5 years I really don't have anything 'left unsaid'. It sounds odd but you can get to a point where you really do just 'start to get on with life' in the end and not even feel (too much) guilt.
 
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Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Thank you again. Mum doing well and should be released again tomorrow.
When I went on holiday this time a put an envelope together for my sister in case anything happened. It contains relatives names and addresses, mums will, her funeral wishes sling with undertakers details.
My step kids are brilliant too, a quick phone call to them and they went and pick the dog up and kept him till the next day. They would fo anything to support us through this time. She's is certainly not at deaths door yet but it's good to know that everyone is there to help us.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Had a chat with the doctor and been told that we should maybe approach future health issues as end of life. Not suprised really but as I see from other posts it's not a necessarily the end. She is very chesty and likely to remain so and also has an irregular heart beat plus in the later stages of dementia. As the doctor says given iv antibiotics and fluid followed by a nebuliser she bounces back. But as soon as that stops she's back to wheezing and coughing. I know she's had enough and I'm sure she wants me to get on with my life instead of spending so much time with her.
She's still got a great sense if humour though and good fun most of the time.
So let's see what happens.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Been with mum quite a bit this weekend and she is deteriorating before my eyes. I asked the care home to get her up in the morning but she can't cope with that and hates the hoist. So I'm going to leave her in bed now drifting in and out of sleep. She had dome soup followed by icecream for lunch and she's drinking. When she is awake she's singing and babbling away. Yesterday she tried counting from 1 to 20. When she got to a number she couldn't remember she just said 'tweddle'. She's exhausting herself. I sobbed for the first time today when i was stroking her face and she grabbed by hand and put it to her lips and kissed if 3 times. She shouts my name all the time but smiles when she sees I'm there. I hate leaving her but I can't be strong all the time.
It's just so hard for me, mum and others going through the same thing. It's not right watching them suffer like this. Sorry if I've offended anyone but mum wouldn't want this.
 

Emmy_83

Registered User
Mar 8, 2014
72
Yorkshire
It is heartbreaking Emomam and I agree so difficult to watch in our loved ones. Each day seems to get harder watching my dad. It's a cruel disease for sure xx
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
We are starting the just in case meds tomorrow as mum is shouting out in pain we think, definitely agitated and very upset. She keeps shouting my name and holding me. The last two days have nearly finished me off. Thank god for the staff who are there for both mum and me. My husband has just gone to oz, I made him go as I have no idea how long mum will be like this. He is only at the end of a phone if I need him. I have great friends, family and the care staff. So I can be there for mum as much as possible. I hate this disease.
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
This is so hard to watch and yet it is a precious time that you can share together. Sit and talk, laugh, cry remember. Just being together.

Love Maureen.x.x.
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
We had to go straight to syringe driver as diamorphine injections not enough. She's comfortable now and sleeping peaceful but still with us. I rang my sister this morning when I got there and she heard mum shouting. She got straight in the car and came over so we have been with mum all day. One of the care staff is sitting with her now just to give us a break. I'll go back tonight and stay with her. Don't think it will be long. But it will be peaceful and pain free which is what I promised. I will cry when this is over. Thanks again for all your support I will return the favour one day.