Hi Debbie,
While my mother isn't technically in a nursing home, I thought I'd put my 2 cents in because the choice was either a NH or what we have currently. When my mother came out of hospital after having her strokes, it was quite clear that she could no longer live alone - she couldn't find the kitchen or her bedroom in the house that she'd lived in for over 20 years, and she was wandering - the only reason that she didn't wander far is because she has severe arthritis in her hips, which makes walking difficult. We started to visit nursing and residental homes. Since my mother has a reasonable level of savings, plus she owned her own home, I knew that any financial aid was not going to be forthcoming, so I decided that, essentially, money was no object - she was 88, and even with optimum care, we were probably looking at no more than 10 years. So, on the basis that you get what you pay for (how naive is that) I started at the most expensive well regarded homes in the area. The only pre-requisite is that she had to have her own room and bathroom. As I started my tours, I came to realise that quality of care didn't necessarily follow the money. In fact. the most expensive facilities seemed to be that way primarily because they took care of the really, really old, with all the attendant heath issues. It quickly became obvious that she wasn't at that state yet - she needed supervision, meals etc but she didn't need quite that level of care. However, she needed more than a normal residential facility could offer. In the end, we went for the "extra care" or "very sheltered" option. Her 1 bedroom flat, that she owns, is attached to a nursing home and a retirement village. All her meals, laundry, cleaning, maintenance etc is provided (or should I say, included). Domicilliary care workers based in the nursing home come each morning to give her breakfast, medicate her, shower and dress her, and then come back in the evening to put her to bed. On those occasions when she is ill, nursing staff from the nursing home take care of her, and the doctor visits her in her suite. There's a restaurant if she wants to eat there, but her meals are mostly served in her room. She gets taken out on trips (pub lunch, garden centre for tea) although, honestly, if asked she'd say she never left her apartment. The only down side of this arrangement is that she doesn't have the same sort of opportunity to socialise that she might have in a more communal setting. This didn't seem important at the time of the placement (she's always been very happy on her own, thank you very much) but with the memory loss, she can't remember that she's had ANY human contact, so she is lonely. You can be lonely in a crowd, though, I guess, and despite the memory loss, she's still able to conduct a logical conversation, even though she won't remember having it afterwards.
She will be able to stay in her apartment up to including the point that she needs continence care, although I may well more her to the NH before that point, since even with her savings, there is a point where if domicillary care costs as much as the NH fees would be, I'll have to make a decision based on finances (not something I'm looking forward to).
Anyway, I don't know if that's any help - I know it's not what you asked!
Jennifer