PLEASE Help! Worried about going home!

Tovah

Registered User
Jul 22, 2015
21
Hi all!
I'm going home for the first time in 2 years.
While my family knows that I do have some issues with speaking, they have no idea how bad my everyday events have gotten in the last 2 years.

I have early dementia (I'm 58) and am in the middle range of dementia as per my neurologist.

It's not my memory that I worry about, it's that utter confusion when I'm away from my husband. Also, when I get upset, I tend to cry.

This is such an important trip and I don't want to ruin it for anyone; however, I know how my mind plays tricks on me. I know to get good rest and to limit my stress, however, my husband won't be with me.

I have the symptom where I feel like I'm underwater or watching myself screw everything up.

Also, I seem to be getting worse quicker than before.

Any advice you could give me would be so appreciated.

Thank you,
Tovah
 

Long-Suffering

Registered User
Jul 6, 2015
425
Hello Tovah,

Sorry to hear you are so stressed. I'm sure everyone on here can give you good advice to help you feel calmer.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean when you say you are going home. Do you mean that you are going to visit your parents? You say your family know you have problems speaking, but do they also know you have dementia?

You say it is such an important trip. Do you mean it is for a wedding or something like that? When exactly are you going?

The more details you give us, the more helpful everyone can be.

My first thought is that maybe your husband could explain to your family how you are these days so that it won't be a surprise to them.

Best wishes,

LS
 

Tovah

Registered User
Jul 22, 2015
21
Hello Tovah,

Sorry to hear you are so stressed. I'm sure everyone on here can give you good advice to help you feel calmer.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean when you say you are going home. Do you mean that you are going to visit your parents? You say your family know you have problems speaking, but do they also know you have dementia?

You say it is such an important trip. Do you mean it is for a wedding or something like that? When exactly are you going?

The more details you give us, the more helpful everyone can be.

My first thought is that maybe your husband could explain to your family how you are these days so that it won't be a surprise to them.

Best wishes,

LS
I'm sorry that I'm so vague.

It's a surprise party for my mom and it's just so important as my dad has died and I don't want to add any more stress for her,

I've told my Mom that I do have dementia but that I can help myself get better by doing an assortment of things to help myself; like exercise.

The fact is that I live with this constant confusion. I think you all know what I mean. My face constantly has this blank look. I can't follow a conversation; I can't even read a book and understand it.

My husband looks out for me. He fills in a word when I can't think of it; he'll watch me as I walk so I don't fall. That kind of thing.

I don't know about traveling out of the state (6 hours away by plane) and getting through the airport and that kind of thing.

If I get lost in the supermarket, how will I make this trip by myself?

It's a month away, but I'm really starting to worry.

Any help would be so appreciated.

Thank you and thank you for your post.
Tovah
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,336
Kent
Hello Tovah

Is there any way you can be helped at the airports and others points of your journey. I hate to think of you travelling alone if you can become confused in a supermarket.

I understand how important your trip is but if you have a difficult journey it will cause distress to everyone, far more distress than telling family members how it is and asking for help.

Perhaps the family can arrange help for you without your mother knowing.
 

Tovah

Registered User
Jul 22, 2015
21
Does your husband know how worried you are? Why is he not coming with you?
He's recovering from a knee operation. Plus, he's not in the best of health either. This is one of the only times in our marriage that we haven't traveled together.

He feels really bad about it. He knows how stressed out I am.
 
Last edited:

Tovah

Registered User
Jul 22, 2015
21
Is there any way you can be helped at the airports and others points of your journey. I hate to think of you travelling alone if you can become confused in a supermarket.

I understand how important your trip is but if you have a difficult journey it will cause distress to everyone, far more distress than telling family members how it is and asking for help.

Perhaps the family can arrange help for you without your mother knowing.
That's a wonderful idea. I've kept this whole dementia thing from my family. I haven't wanted anyone to feel bad for me. You're right. I think I need to open up to my family and ask for help.

The first night, I'll get alot of sleep because I'm getting in the night before the party. Then we probably won't meet until dinner time.

Yes, I think I'll have to tell the members of my family.

I feel bad because I don't want anyone to worry or to drive me crazy by asking how I am every 10 minutes.
 

Long-Suffering

Registered User
Jul 6, 2015
425
Tovah, do you have a close friend who could go with you instead of your husband? If that person could accompany you all the way from home and stay with you at your mum's house, that could be the answer.

LS
 

Tovah

Registered User
Jul 22, 2015
21
I don't think I know anyone that could do that. When I lived in chicago I could, however, this is a small town and I just havent met many people. Thank you though for taking the time to reply.
Tovah