please help me dealing with my grandfather and diementia


Registered User
Dec 27, 2006
hello i dont know were to start with this post well here goes my grandfather is 88 and lost his wife my grandmother 3 years ago he lived on his own since her death but always had plenty of visitors especially my mam whom lived next door but 1 we noticed about 4 years ago that he was forgetful quite ofton but just put this down to old age.
Then when my grandmother passed we suddenly realised that he would repeat the same questions over and over again, up until 6 weeks ago he managed to live by his self until he had a bad fall and was admitted to hospital whilst in there he fell and broke his pelvis this is were the troubkle started and we noticed that the confusion and aggitation became more severe again we did put it down to him being in unfamiliar surroundings ect.
After recovering in hospital my aunt said she would take him to live with her he was only there 1 week and they had to put him into a residential care home he kept thinking my aunt was my grandmother and this was hurting for her in ways that you should not go into with your father i think people will understand my meaning here.
After being in the nursing hom 1 week they decided that he needed to go into a unit that worked along side the nursing home to sort his medication out and try and resolve his agressive behaviour something that he had never had before. He got transfeared to the unit and was there for 4 days he was severly druged this they said was only until they got the right balance of medication sorted out,

After not seeing my grandfather for 4 days because it was not him we were going to visit as he was druged all the time on day 4 he was admitted top hospital with sevire dehydration at the moment hes still in hospital.
Diementia has been diagnozed and hes a different person his attidude behaviour agression and everything else.
The hurting part is that he know non of his family at all the hospital; has suggested that he needs to go into an emi unit because he will not sit still for 1 moment at all and he is at risks of falls he has just had another fall xmas eve and split his head open they have now put panick buttons on his bed and chair.
Our family is broken hearted as he was such a big part of our family we dont know were to turn although we know we are not alone at the moment we really feel like we are we have heared so many professions view on his health and to be honest i must admit most times we have noticed some people dont seem to care when they are in this state all they seem to want is an easy day at work and someone sitting quietly in a chair unfortunatlly with my granfather this is not happening another thing we have noticed is that his body seems to be having little small jerking movements sometimes like little mini fits dont know if any 1 can relate to this he has them all through out the day. we are truly at a loss my mam and aunt are having a meeting tomorow with the nurses of the hospital ward to discuss were he is going next the dr even told them 2 days ago that he could no reccomend a good emi unit in the area because there arnt any this has made us so so upset we dont know whaat the outcome of my grandfathers health will be the dr did say he could have a massive stroke or heartattack he cant walk at all he lost the use of his legs after his 1st fall if any1 can help or has advice i would love to here from you all thanking you so much and god bless you and your familys if you are going through what we are xx


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Josey,
So sorry that you are going through such an awful time at the moment; but welcome to TP. You will get plenty of support from people on here, many of whom will have had similar experiences to the one that you are now facing.
It may help you to look at some of the factsheets about dementia - these can be found in the top left corner of the page.
Getting medications sorted is always tough.
Although it may not seem like grandad is still there, he is, and so much needs the love and support of his family.
The jerking movements could well be a side effect of the medication.
Others will soon be along, and may be able to offer greater insight. Take care, and keep posting.
Love Helen


Registered User
Dec 27, 2006

thank you hun for your reply ill look forward to any help and advice from others thank you i will look at the fact sheet that you pointed out thank you


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I wish I could offer some good advice , but don’t have any sorry

I only know from seeing my mother lose control of her mental heath because of AZ, is very Frightening , until the medication set in that help her a lot

Grandaughter 1

Registered User
Jan 17, 2006
Hello and welcome to TP.

I don't have any words of wisdom as a lot of this is new to me too. My Grandad went into a nursing home last week and we are going through a whole range of emotions.

I just would like to send you my best wishes and heartfelt support.

Louise x

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Josey, I`m sorry you are having such a difficult time seeing your grandfather in such a sorry state.
Some of his behaviour could be caused by confusion in his new unit, some could be because his drugs need adjusting and some could be because he is fighting for what he has left.
When my very friendly, happy and peace loving grandmother was admitted to hospital with [to our shame] malnutrition and dehydration, she saw faces in the flowers on the curtains, took other patients` cards and called an agency nurse, in a nun`s habit, a devil.
Just bear with Grandad. He is probably very frightened, just like you are. Hopefully, in a few days, he will calm down and you will not find your visits quite as upsetting.
Please let us know how he is. Sylvia x


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hi Josey
sorry but I don't have much to offer're at a terrible stage at the moment....watching....waiting.....feeling helpless......feeling like you've been run over by a steamroller.......
Just want to welcome you really and just keep posting....we're all here to support you
Love xx


Registered User
Dec 27, 2006

thank you for letting us know that we are not alone i will try to keep you all updated with my grandfathers outcome we had a meeting with the sister of the ward today. We have been told that we need to start looking for a nursing home for him because he will be getting discharged in the new year.As from today the have added anothe dose of alpurodol to try and keep him calm because last night was really bad i was so frightened and felt heartfully sorry for him because i could see he was stressed and needed calming he even gave himself a headache with all the stress. God love him i know its not him and really wish i could wave a majical wand over him and take his troubles away i know this will not happen only a wish


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dealing with dementia

Dear Josie,
I'm sorry that your grandfather broke his pelvis and is now confused and needing to go into a Nursing Home. My mother is 81 and broke her hip last October and became terribly confused, while in hospital for four weeks. Her Care Home couldn't cope with her and she had to go into the EMI section of a Nursing Home. Fortunately, she improved considerably with their care and attention, and once they were able to get the medication right, she was moved into the Nursing Section of the home.
She is still confused at times and has vascular dementia, caused by little mini-strokes in her brain. She hasn't been able to walk since her operation and she was depressed and cried most of the time for the first few months,but now she has settled and although the NH isn't perfect, the staff are caring and Mum says that she has "all these nice people looking after me" and the food is good.
When elderly people are ill or have had a fall, they seem to go downhill very quickly, but as they get better things may improve. If there isn't a decent EMI Nursing Home in the area, perhaps there might be a good Nursing Home for the Elderly. It does sound as though the fall caused much of the confusion, if he has been living alone so recently. The drugs may also be causing some of the problems and once the balance is correct, things may improve.
I have also found with Mum, that she gets words or names muddled up, which is confusing and sometimes her memories are so vivid, that she feels that she is actually living in a different time zone like the Second World War. The only way I can cope with this is to just try and accept her as she is and try not to worry too much. Mum had a good day on Christmas Day but has been unwell since then and has been too tired to enjoy her visitors. There just seem to be lots of downs and a few ups.
I hope your grandfather improves soon and you are able to find a suitable Nursing Home for him in the New Year.


Registered User
Dec 27, 2006
thanks kayla and every 1

Thank you so much for your kind words of wisdom and understanding,It helps so much to know that someone is having a understanding of the problems that we are going through at tghis sad time although i wish you wernt as i do belive no one should have to go through this but then again we never know what we have to come to.
Me and my grandfather have been close since i was born and i want the very best for him thankfully i came across this site yesterday and have learnt so much from reading through others experiences and advice so god bless you all for being there and posting helpful advice to people like myself who are not up to date with demetia.
Today my grandfather has not been to bad at all like in my previous post i belive it may be down to the fact that they have increased his tablet dosage so hopfully this may help with various aspects of his agression ect.
We have started looking into emi units and hopfully will find something tomorrow we are looking into all aspects of the nursing home as like everyone else we only want the best for my grandfather and with the last 1 he was in he did not recive this at all in fact when he got admitted to hospital they told us that he was that so flat that they could not gave him his medication that day at all we were horrified when he got to the hospital that his tablets were left in his mouth from the night before he was severly dehydrated this upset us greatly so this is the reason that we are making sure all is well with the home we chosse and not what the social worker sugests like that last 1.
Well thanks to everyone for the kind helpful advice it really does count godbless josey


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hi Josey

Good to see that you found your Grandad a little better last time.
You are doing the best thing for him in researching the best possible NH. Take heart there are some really good NH out there, its just a case of finding them. Good luck in your quest, and keep in touch.

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