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Please help any advice needed a family in crisis

liv2014

Registered User
Nov 19, 2014
4
Hi, my Grandad has dementia, he has declined in the recent years but has never been formally diagnosed as he and my Grandmother have always been in denial. They live quite far away from the rest of us and have muddled through as best as they could with us visiting at least weekly. This morning my Grandad was found with my Nan who had been dead at least a couple of days. He has gone very downhill mentally and as we all live far away and not in a position to have him live with us we have no idea what to do. He is resistant to leaving the house even today but I cannot stay him with him permanently - I'm not unloving but a single working mum. Any advice please as in how to get him the help he needs
 

Cloverland

Registered User
Jun 9, 2014
244
Sorry to hear about your nan and how she was found, your poor grandad. No one knows what to do when a family member has dementia, you learn as you go along as everyone is different and the various symptoms or behaviour happen at different times. Until you adjust, just go along with whatever he says, don't try to correct him, and if he repeats himself, it is the first time he has said it.

I do think you need to get him some help especially now, speak to his gp and even ask for a referral to a social worker and the Mental Health Team, arrange for him to spend a few days with you, he may have dementia but he has just lost his wife.

Arrange for carers to visit each day, meals on wheels to make sure he eats something, as time goes on you will get support from the MHT and on here of course. I expect others will be along to give further advice but for you and your family give yourselves time to grieve your nan and support your grandad as if he didn't have dementia until care is sorted.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Oh god how awful for you all, surely local authority, social services and gp should be on this, can you not make the calls on behalf of your grandfather. Sorry, But I have yet to turn to these people for help so I have no idea how to go about it, but I can safely say someone on tp does and will be along soon with all the advice you need.
 

liv2014

Registered User
Nov 19, 2014
4
thanks guys, spoke to his gp today who is coming out in the morning. It sounds bad but the one thing I don't have is time. Tomorrow will be my second day off work and getting people to look after the kids is hard. If we take him away from his home will it change his local authority or will the county where he's from still help? He reckons he doesn't want to be where I live and won't leave the house. We've had to remove all the furniture, carpets etc from his only bedroom today because of the mess of the situation. How if he's never been diagnosed and sometimes appears deceptively lucid - which I'm sure he will be by my luck when the gp's here can I have some say over the situation? Will the whole situation speak for itself? My worst fear is that it will become a 'wait and see' by the authorities and I cannot afford private but can't physically drag him home with me? Will a mental health team come tomorrow or do you have to book apointments etc?
 
Last edited:

halojones

Registered User
May 7, 2014
438
I just wanted to add my support, how absolutely awful for your poor family...Try S.S, the GP, just everyone that you can....Like Tin, I am not so experienced with the services, but someone will come along with solid advise...Please accept my sympathies at the loss of your grandma..xxx
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
thanks guys, spoke to his gp today who is coming out in the morning. It sounds bad but the one thing I don't have is time. Tomorrow will be my second day off work and getting people to look after the kids is hard. If we take him away from his home will it change his local authority or will the county where he's from still help? He reckons he doesn't want to be where I live and won't leave the house. We've had to remove all the furniture, carpets etc from his only bedroom today because of the mess of the situation. How if he's never been diagnosed and sometimes appears deceptively lucid - which I'm sure he will be by my luck when the gp's here can I have some say over the situation? Will the whole situation speak for himself? My worst fear is that it will become a 'wait and see' by the authorities and I cannot afford private
Sorry to read of the loss of your Nan and your Grandad's situation. I would try and make his LA take him into respite, if you take him home which doesn't sound like a feasible option it may make it harder for his LA to take responsibility. Going into respite may also be too much but they should instigate a care package at home in the very least. The circumstances of your Nan's death, that no one was informed for two days must indicate to the GP and services that there is obviously a problem however he presents. All the best to you. Sue
You should contact Adult Social Care for his LA and get the GP on board too.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
I am sorry for the loss of your nan and for the terrible position you are all now in. I think that if your grandad was in the house for two days with his dead wife he is not really fit to be left at all, but of course this isn't up to me. I also think you need some proper help and advice where you are, I imagine you are feeling pretty shocked and upset by all this and heaven only knows what your grandad is feeling

Can you ask the GP to get social services involved urgently?

I think the powers that be will feel that there is something very wrong whether or not your grandad is lucid when they see him.
If you can't care for your grandad, and there is no reason why you should, he is the responsibility of SS.
 

liv2014

Registered User
Nov 19, 2014
4
thanks all, I think the gp is the first point of call I think I'm just panicing as they didn't come today despite calling at 9am and didn't seem as if they would have any input but if that the route that's used they'll have to help us with something. I think respite would be great because even if it works out that he come back here the house needs some proper sorting as my Nan was a bit of a hoarder and he smokes etc and while she always made him do it outside now I don't know what he'll do.
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
thanks all, I think the gp is the first point of call I think I'm just panicing as they didn't come today despite calling at 9am and didn't seem as if they would have any input but if that the route that's used they'll have to help us with something. I think respite would be great because even if it works out that he come back here the house needs some proper sorting as my Nan was a bit of a hoarder and he smokes etc and while she always made him do it outside now I don't know what he'll do.
I would definitely contact Adult Care Services they will have to get the GP involved especially if they haven't responded today that's not good:(
 

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