1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

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Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh Alice how beautiful, how full of insight. I am sorry about that mouth infection. Yes, as you were, we can be the life and soul, making sure others enjoy themselves, it is what we do.
    And I so agree about the practical help. Or rather lack of ...
    I wish, I wish a brilliant mind was a protection against the difficulties of life. Think Alan Turin. And the thousands of brilliant minds damaged by dementia ...
    I love your analysis of the armour.
    Just about to post my daily report. At present I am trying to dry everything, I got caught in the most astonishing hail shower. More in a minute.
    Love best and great thanks, Geraldinexxxx
  2. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    The lift is mended, thank the Lord. Apparently, it came to life of its own accord in the middle of the afternoon and the engineer who was there at the time said that they do this. Spooky.
    Keith in very happy, ebulient mood and was so reluctant to let go of my hand that it became hard to drink my cup of tea. In the middle of one joke, he said, It's in the House of Lords ...;so I agreed and laughed like a drain, too.
    I have noticed he is using nouns again, I mean nothing makes sense, but at least they are nouns.
    We had a couple of Hi Ho operas and then Keith started doing engine impressions. AND THEN there was the taking the blood pressure comedy show. Keith seemed to find this ridiculously funny and we all laughed and other nurses came round and they laughed too ..Astonishing stuff.
    And during the blood pressure taking, Keith looked up and shouted THERE'S A SPEED CAMERA UP THERE.
    That'll be the day, blue eyed one, a speed camera in a nursing home!!
    Thanks guys, thank you so much. See you Tuesday.
    Love and best, Geraldinexxx
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    Quite lovely. I love the speed camera, does check when people go too slow?
    Mine is watching TV snuggled in the fleece blanket I designed and had printed. It has a heart, kisses and all the family names on it. I hesitated then put the surname in the design. Plus a couple of phases.
    One is "Never apart only a thought away."
    Should he have to go to respite I thought he could take us with him, at least to identify he is far more than he may seem to strangers.
    We still struggle for on at home, it is a Catch 22. I really feel for those struggling out to visit. I hope you dried off and were not too battered. Hail can be frightening, xxx
  4. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    thank you with all heart. It was a bit scary, that hail. Kept coming harder and harder! i stood next to a high wall for a little while and then thought, oh just get on with it!
    So lovely to hear about the fleece blanket with the kisses and the family. Fabulous. I love only a thought away. Thank you so very much Alice, you are a star, a bright star. all love, Geraldinexxx
    By the way, Barbara, Staffs, if you are reading this, please be in touch when you can. Miss you. Gxxxx
  5. Lady M

    Lady M Registered User

    Sep 15, 2018
    I how lovely the blanket idea !
    Any further info such as size, how to design or get made would be appreciated!
    Have a peaceful day!
    And thanks in advance! X
  6. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    I read about Bags of Love on Talking Point, they put photos on things ..... mugs, bedding, clothes. I am not sure how good these are. They also do text,
    I wondered how it would come out on fleece. I chose a green front and a plain blue back. A red heart in the centre. I chose one 100 x 140cm ideal for a recliner.
    It was easy to plan the tool takes you through it, then I put fit to size, the odd tweak and it was done.

    I decided on names because I though they would be clearer, the writing is pretty clear. The odd speck where the dye has not taken but I am fussy! No one seemed to particularly notice these.
    I thought it could be something to take should my husband with him if away from home as well as using now.
    The names would be a talking point, evidence he is not alone!
    I am very protective!
  7. Lady M

    Lady M Registered User

    Sep 15, 2018
    Thank you x
  8. Lady M

    Lady M Registered User

    Sep 15, 2018
    PS I am having trouble find the link to ‘bags of love’ being a relative newbie here!
    Help please if you can xx
  9. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Of course, it's eyes down to Valentine's Day and Keith's home is being decorated by more hearts than you can count! Looks prettier than Christmas. Keith not yet down so sat and watched mating pigeons with one of the residents who loves birdwatching.
    Seminars in progress about traffic lights and whether promises are meant to be broken. Also who had heard of Pearl and Dean.
    Bit of a dull day outside, and suddenly loads of residents needing help inside, people falling off chairs, shouting, generally wanting things ... then sun comes out and everyone calms down a bit. Seminar begins on whether banana flavoured tea would work and suddenly here is Keith looking beautiful in his check blue short sleeved shirt. He shows such delight and surprise to see me and says loudly, I LOVE YOU. A miracle on a dull day folks. Later, he says
    Funny old world, isn't it?
    yes, my lovely lovely boy and how on this earth am I going to leave you to have my hip replacement?
    Thanks guys, please stay with me. Back on 14th and will tell you about the Valentine's Day lark! all love, Geraldinexxx
  10. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Hand on heart, guys, I did not have particularly high hopes for the valentine's day session at Keith's home. But I think this is more likely to be my mood walking up as I forgot my stick and the pain in my hip is dire.
    Anyway, Keith already down and he met me shouting GREETINGS!!
    Cup of tea and the hi ho opera later, I'm feeling brighter and bit more hopeful. I attached a paper rose to his jumper.
    valentine's day lark kicked off with love stories: how did you meet your husband?/wife lovely activity nurse elicited answers from all those who were not asleep. And these are some of the ways:

    He lived next door and I asked him to climb over the wall for a cup of tea
    He fell over on the pavement and I helped him up
    We met on the beach, he was in the sea and finding it hard to keep his swimming trunks up and I laughed at him. He chased me up the beach.
    She used to work in my local pub.
    He mended my bike

    After this there was the first round of the little love tokens in a basket and each resident took a token and we read it out, things like hug me: I'm really sweet, oh well you get the picture. Keith got me and you. Great fuss taken as each token read out.

    Then after lunch, back on it again, more love tokens and little lovely fairy cakes and little chocolates. And did we all used to celebrate Valentine's Day. Not many of us did, actually. Then on to love songs and singing along to these and somehow it involved the Union Jack waving and balloons in the air and I'm risking my hip dancing and wiggling about generally. The energy is just so great. So much laughter and fun.
    Followed by a quiz on famous couples which included the Queen and Philip and Geraldine and Keith.
    Although he would not have been able to follow what we were doing, Keith was happy and laughing like anything.
    Just a great day, a great day.
    Thanks guys, wow! Love and best, Geraldinexxxx
  11. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Sorry, meant to mention, not going in tomorrow as have pre-op. Back as soon as I can, and tell myself I will be able to do more mad things and dance etc by the end of the summer, so can put self even more fully into all this.
  12. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    East of England
    A plane was painting in the sky today so here are a couple of hearts for you for Valentines Day @kindred I shall not have anything because my dear husband certainly doesn’t know anything about it, but this cheered me, although the images faded from the sky very quickly. Do take care xx

  13. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    To pick up a theme from above, my sister ordered a cushion for my Mum, to be printed with a photo of her grandchildren on it. You can scan in any image and they print it. A big hit with Mummy who like to hold it up and kiss the picture. I think images can be scanned onto a variety of things. Also a nice talking point for the staff and visitors. Not sure yet how well it will hold up to the rigours of care home life.
  14. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    oh fantastic!!! Gxxx
  15. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    Hi @kindred - hope the pre-op went well. Keep yourself good and fit for the coming days - I took Berocca and Manuka Honey for the fortnight before my knee replacement, in an attempt to keep well and it seemed to work. Gosh, I went into it like a military operation. Hair cut shorter, pedicure as I reckoned I wouldn't be able to get down there easily - plus they made me shave my legs a fortnight beforehand so no infections from nicks. The day I painted my toenails bright red post op (about 6 weeks after) was one for celebration! Hope all goes really well and easily for you - and no rushing the healing process.

    Yes, I have used Bags of Love, too. I had flip flops printed for my daughter with one of her 2 cats printed on each. A neckwarmer with a collage of the cats printed on, and a collage of photos printed on a lap quilt for my Mum. Like you say @AliceA , I thought Mum could have images of her family with her instead of in frames or in albums.

    I loved the skywriting @Grahamstown - and such a gorgeous blue sky.

    Mum has achieved notoriety in her CH, firstly as I bought her a bright red zimmer, and secondly as I have taken to decorating the basket that I attached to it. We had flowers on it in the summer, tinsel and stars at Christmas, so of course this week it was hung about with red satin ribbons and glittery hearts. Everyone is waiting for the rabbits, chicks and eggs to appear for Easter .... Mum pulls everything off, and leaves a trail of discarded bits and bobs, or else she 'donates' them to other people. It has become a bit of a secret contest - I knot everything on really firmly with lots of knots and ties, she sits and rips everything off, and fidgets and undoes everything.

    Love to you all XX
  16. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Toony, this is amazing about the miltary operation!!! Yes the pre-op was so damned long it felt like I had had the operation. They said I had an ideal body mass ratio, whatever that is. I presume that's good so I tried to look pleased!
    Thank you!!
    love and best, Geraldinexxxx
  17. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Atmosphere usual for a Saturday, muted, as activity girls not there and furthermore everyone is knackered. So that seemed just the right time for me to give a concert. I got applause and joining in, and I love that. Keith was calling encouragement.
    when I went back to sit by him, he said, how do you do it!
    And for the first time ever, I closed my eyes and dozed along with everyone, well kept half an eye open of course ...
    Then went and did second half of concert, Yellow Submarine, which always goes down well.
    Small seminar on what's the use of a well without a (bucket).
    As I kissed Keith goodbye, he whispered to me, I'm solving it with CALCULUS ...
    Wish I could guys. Love and best, Geraldine. I shall be going in again tomorrow, trying to get in all the visits I can before this operation thing.xxxxx
  18. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    Glad the pre op went well. Geraldine. One more step in the right direction.

    I love the idea of your mum donating the bits and pieces! It made me smile! Toony.
  19. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Well, keith's greeting to me this morning was MAMMA MIA!! and this made everyone within earshot laugh. Then he says, you are never going to believe this ... and tells me, except that I don't understand a word ...so he tries to explain that something really weird has happened - it split on a standard manoevre. I tell him that all his biscuits have gone and he tells me that settles the problem then Fair enough and he looks really pretty in his pink and white striped shirt. Short resident seminar about whether men should wear pink. And another seminar on card games and something called shove halfpenny. (Any of you guys heard of this??).
    Sitting with my birdwatching friend resident, we watched magpies building a nest in a chimney and the fun sight of a magpie trying to wash in a gutter with all the attendant kerfuffle trying to get its tail clean.
    Usual low key Sunday as no activity nurses in, so could spend time doing one to one and that is very nice.
    I tease one of the home's handymen about going out for a fag in the cold weather and he said he would brave all the elements for a fag!
    A visitor came who had not been for some time and was upset at the deterioration in so many residents, but that will happen as time passes. I guess that as I visit so often, I am less aware of it, or interpret it differently.
    I asked Keith if he had solved his calculus problem yesterday and he tells me confidently that the answer is ****** OFF.
    Got that, folks?
    Thank you so much for being with me and see you again on Tuesday.
    with love and best, Geraldinexxxx
  20. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    #1700 nitram, Feb 17, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2019
    Assuming a typo for Shove ha'penny, yes
    >>>Read all about the game<<<
    or, if you prefer a video

    You can buy sets of ½d coins and ridiculously priced boards,
    It's easy to make a board out of a piece of scrap laminate, both imperial and metric measurements are available online. Line spacing should be adjusted if using different coins..

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