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Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
So there I was at home, waiting for my son to come down and we would visit K together when the phone rang. It was Keith's home to say he had just had a fall, he'd tried to get up and fell and banged his head ... So I stuck a notice on the front door to my son saying where I was and why and got there as fast as I could ...
There's a lump but not terrible, although during the afternoon it certainly got more purple. The nurse was on hand all the time putting stuff on it. Keith himself was very happy, he'd managed to stand up, even if he did take a fall. In fact, he's been trying to stand up all week and has been feeling so full of high spirits. Trouble is, this is when accidents happen.
Once, when he was at home, I came home from work, he came down the stairs, put his arms out and shouted SHE'S HOME!! and he fell down the rest of the stairs ...
Son caught up with us and we had good time with Keith who was chattering away. I did my usual Saturday concert for the residents. Now I'm home and my heart is still beating wildly. In fact one of the nurses said I must not react in that way if I can avoid it otherwise I'll be the one with the heart attack and the accident! Wise words, folks.
love and best, back on Monday. Thank you so much. Geraldinexxxx
Balance and mobility in our husbands, or wives, causes us carers such worry and concern. I watch my husband wobbling about, so unsafe, losing his balance, he can’t stand without holding on to something solid.

When my grandchildren were little I used to spend an hour post visit wiping fingerprints off everything. Now it’s my husbands fingerprints and I’m less house proud... so fingerprints are left behind!

I’m so glad that Keith’s fall isn’t too serious, it’s you Geraldine that the care staff/nurse are concerned about. Please look after yourself, so many people need you. And it’s so good that Keith is getting such good care from you, your family, and all those in the care home.

Have a really good Sunday, and I look forward to talking to you soon.
Take care Geraldine, with love, Barbara xx
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
517
@kindred - please be gentle with yourself for the next 24 hours after the shock of Keith's tumble today.
However ..... it happened while you were not there, and the CH seem as though they coped admirably with the situation. Take heart from this and be reassured that Keith is being very well looked after by professionals who are loving and caring.
Hope you both are better again in no time.

XX
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Thank you all for your lovely messages, so much needed and so much appreciated. All is well with Keith. It kind of threw me back into the on alert, shock state I was in for so long and I'm trying to shake it off. Thank you all so much and back tomorrow. With love and appreciation, Geraldinexxxx
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
800
Pratteln Switzerland
When my OH was first diagnosed about four and a half years ago, he said to me, on the way home, please don't throw me away ... we are 72 and have been together since we were 18. He is the love of my life. I promised him I would never do that, never, he would never have to go in a home. We would stay together forever.

Fast forward to this year, and four years of intensive caring as OH deteriorated oh so rapidly. I was broken and making myself carry on by writing 100 lines each night, I must endure. I am sole carer. Then the train crash, terrible fall, a and e and admission to hospital and the social worker writing the best interest statement that his needs were best met in residential care. I know this is right, I have watched three medical people move him, needs three, whereas I had been managing on my own. OH is tall and I am tiny.

I have had to make another promise, I will be with you. We are still together. I spend up to three hours every day in his nursing home. I would like to tell you what it is like, you may find it reassuring. Yesterday when I went there after work (I still work two days a week as a mental health professional), he knew it was me and put his arms out for me and we had a hug. This has not happened in weeks before the accident. He is relaxed and happy for the first time. I think he was lonely with just me, even though I was trying to be an entertainer, well you know all that ...

The staff greet me by telling me what he has been doing in the day, what kind of a night. They know and appreciate him so well, he is a gentle and positive presence even though he does talk nonsense all day!!
I wonder how he will be when I go in today. And I am keeping my new promise, I am with him. That means the world to me, I have not failed completely. Thank you all, this is a wonderful forum.[/QUOT
@Kindred..
glad for you that it is all working out and you can re write your your promise. It is difficult in the early stages to understand where this is all going to go. I think you can sleep at night with your decision and know that he is well cared for and you are living by the principles of love.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,695
Oh, dear do take care, I ended up in A&E last year because I tried to warn someone else! More haste less speed.
I hear writing lines is coming back to schools. So slow down and breathe today. X
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Thank you all so very much. We went in to see Keith at nine this morning, and I gave him his breakfast. There is hardly any sign of the bump and he was very happy and singing away.
One of the nurses says he keeps on trying to stand up and they are puzzled as to why. I explain he is like an injured bird and he wants to fly.
More tomorrow and thank you so much. Geraldinexxxx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Thank you all so very much. We went in to see Keith at nine this morning, and I gave him his breakfast. There is hardly any sign of the bump and he was very happy and singing away.
One of the nurses says he keeps on trying to stand up and they are puzzled as to why. I explain he is like an injured bird and he wants to fly.
More tomorrow and thank you so much. Geraldinexxxx
Much love, thinking of you and your blue eyed boy.
Love B xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Back again and thank you all. Keith's bump is not even visible, so his beautiful is unspoiled. Thank you God. My heart is still racing though.
Hairdresser day with all the usual yes I will and no I won't. Always amusing!
Lots of smiles and singing. I am trying to perfect the song Yesterday as residents seem to know it.
On a different matter, one of the managers said today that she would like to consult me as to how to get more volunteers in to the home, different activities, general things. I have said I will think about it and get back to her. I know it is always difficult to get people to volunteer in nursing homes but where there's a will there's a way. I also think it's a case of getting the family visitors to have more confidence in what they could offer. SO with that in mind, I have started giving informal singing lessons on a wider scale. Lovely one today to one of the men visitors who said he would like to sing ...
If they felt more confident with singing, they could sing with the residents like I do. that's part of the plan, anyway.
Watch this space. Back tomorrow, thank you! with love and best, Kindred aka geraldinexxx
 

Manc70

Registered User
May 30, 2018
119
S. Yorkshire
Back again and thank you all. Keith's bump is not even visible, so his beautiful is unspoiled. Thank you God. My heart is still racing though.
Hairdresser day with all the usual yes I will and no I won't. Always amusing!
Lots of smiles and singing. I am trying to perfect the song Yesterday as residents seem to know it.
On a different matter, one of the managers said today that she would like to consult me as to how to get more volunteers in to the home, different activities, general things. I have said I will think about it and get back to her. I know it is always difficult to get people to volunteer in nursing homes but where there's a will there's a way. I also think it's a case of getting the family visitors to have more confidence in what they could offer. SO with that in mind, I have started giving informal singing lessons on a wider scale. Lovely one today to one of the men visitors who said he would like to sing ...
If they felt more confident with singing, they could sing with the residents like I do. that's part of the plan, anyway.
Watch this space. Back tomorrow, thank you! with love and best, Kindred aka geraldinexxx
Hi @kindred, all I can say is thank you for being you, you make me smile even when I didn’t think I had a smile in me. I’m so pleased your lovely Keith is fine, what an awful worry for you. You mentioning the song Yesterday reminded me of a few years ago finding my old Walkman with a very old relaxation tape in, when I turned the tape over trying to get to the start and begin my half hour relax, I was amazed to hear my 43 year old son as little boy and the sweetest of voices singing Yesterday word perfect (I think). He has had his problems with mental health over the years and is such a hard worker in his job in that field that it was such a treasure to hear. How I would love to have a good singing voice, never mind I do join in but would not attempt singing on my own in front of strangers! Take care Geraldine, you are a star. Sending love and best wishes S xxx
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
517
Hi @kindred - I have been channelling my inner Geraldine today! Local school came in to sing to the residents, and after they left we had our own little sing-song. Lots of carols, but they really need a piano lead - so guess who's got the job for next week? Mum and I did a duet of 'Lily of Laguna' - how is it that she remembers all the words to songs but nothing else?

Lily of Laguna is probably a bit too early for most of you here - but my Nan and my Uncle during the War were both in the concert party. During my formative years, once a month it was party night, everyone came to our house where we sang all the 'old songs'. Mum played the piano (she played brilliantly by ear) and an Uncle brought his drum kit. Everyone had to 'do a turn'. I therefore know lots and lots of songs that someone of my age usually would not know! Add to that years and years of singing myself and I have quite an extensive catalogue!

Yesterday I fell in love .............. with a beautiful reindeer at our local Garden Centre. It was really quiet there and I got to cuddle him, stroke and feed him - I didn't care a bit about the reindeer slobber :eek:. Engaging the handler in conversation I discovered they do CH visits ............ say no more!

Hope you are recovering from the shock of Keith's fall - be kind to yourself and take care.
Busy week this week, but will catch up with you all soon.

XX
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Hi @kindred, all I can say is thank you for being you, you make me smile even when I didn’t think I had a smile in me. I’m so pleased your lovely Keith is fine, what an awful worry for you. You mentioning the song Yesterday reminded me of a few years ago finding my old Walkman with a very old relaxation tape in, when I turned the tape over trying to get to the start and begin my half hour relax, I was amazed to hear my 43 year old son as little boy and the sweetest of voices singing Yesterday word perfect (I think). He has had his problems with mental health over the years and is such a hard worker in his job in that field that it was such a treasure to hear. How I would love to have a good singing voice, never mind I do join in but would not attempt singing on my own in front of strangers! Take care Geraldine, you are a star. Sending love and best wishes S xxx
Oh thank you, what a lovely post and it was so lovely to hear about your son singing Yesterday like that! He sounds a good man. Thank you with all heart, S. love, Geraldine.xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Hi @kindred - I have been channelling my inner Geraldine today! Local school came in to sing to the residents, and after they left we had our own little sing-song. Lots of carols, but they really need a piano lead - so guess who's got the job for next week? Mum and I did a duet of 'Lily of Laguna' - how is it that she remembers all the words to songs but nothing else?

Lily of Laguna is probably a bit too early for most of you here - but my Nan and my Uncle during the War were both in the concert party. During my formative years, once a month it was party night, everyone came to our house where we sang all the 'old songs'. Mum played the piano (she played brilliantly by ear) and an Uncle brought his drum kit. Everyone had to 'do a turn'. I therefore know lots and lots of songs that someone of my age usually would not know! Add to that years and years of singing myself and I have quite an extensive catalogue!

Yesterday I fell in love .............. with a beautiful reindeer at our local Garden Centre. It was really quiet there and I got to cuddle him, stroke and feed him - I didn't care a bit about the reindeer slobber :eek:. Engaging the handler in conversation I discovered they do CH visits ............ say no more!

Hope you are recovering from the shock of Keith's fall - be kind to yourself and take care.
Busy week this week, but will catch up with you all soon.

XX
So so lovely to hear from you.. Oh no, I remember LIly as do most of our residents, it is a real favourite. I loved hearing about the concert you had in your house. Loved that. And the reindeer!! Oh what is it like cuddling a reindeer. CARE HOME VISITS?? where is this reindeer. My goodness. wow!
So good to hear from you and wonderful, so encouraging that you said you were channelling your inner Geraldine.xxxxThank you. with love, Gxxx
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,020
Hi @kindred - I have been channelling my inner Geraldine today! Local school came in to sing to the residents, and after they left we had our own little sing-song. Lots of carols, but they really need a piano lead - so guess who's got the job for next week? Mum and I did a duet of 'Lily of Laguna' - how is it that she remembers all the words to songs but nothing else?

Lily of Laguna is probably a bit too early for most of you here - but my Nan and my Uncle during the War were both in the concert party. During my formative years, once a month it was party night, everyone came to our house where we sang all the 'old songs'. Mum played the piano (she played brilliantly by ear) and an Uncle brought his drum kit. Everyone had to 'do a turn'. I therefore know lots and lots of songs that someone of my age usually would not know! Add to that years and years of singing myself and I have quite an extensive catalogue!

Yesterday I fell in love .............. with a beautiful reindeer at our local Garden Centre. It was really quiet there and I got to cuddle him, stroke and feed him - I didn't care a bit about the reindeer slobber :eek:. Engaging the handler in conversation I discovered they do CH visits ............ say no more!

Hope you are recovering from the shock of Keith's fall - be kind to yourself and take care.
Busy week this week, but will catch up with you all soon.

XX
How nice to remember such lovely family get togethers
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
That was an amazing birthday for Keith. He looked really well and when the nurses wheeled him in and we all sang happy birthday (for the first of many times), he burst into tears, so I held him for a long time, cradling his lovely head.
Two visitors with cards and a big box of chocolate biscuits started us off and we all sat round the table for a chat. Someone asked Keith how old he was and to my amazement he said, about 75 I should think (73). This is the first time ever when asked about his age he has even been able to give an approximation. All to do with context, I guess.
Lunchtime and another visitor who has been a psychiatric nurse, with a lovely poetry book and he fed Keith his lunch which was nice. K loves male company.
After lunch, lots of nurses called in to see him and flirt so lots of laughter and then a big cake with candles which I blew out for him. I have come home now, but there is going to be another little party later on this afternoon.
Oh boy, what a birthday, so nice.
Manager of home came and she said little speech about me and K and then said, we must all remember that we are the lucky ones. We are together. And another nurse said, we share the sadness and the joy, we are family.
As I left to come home in horrible rain, Keith called out that I would find the calculating machine in Sidcup ...
Thanks guys, I am so bushed. Back on Thursday as have longer day tomorrow. With love, Geraldinexxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
Lovely description and what a happy birthday. What a lovely gift for you too!
Thank you, it certainly was. A day to remember! So good to hear from you. with love and best, Geraldinexx
Listen, guys, what do you do with pity? I have a friend who keeps referring to poor dear Keith ... and it just does my head in ...Gxxx
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,636
East of England
Thank you, it certainly was. A day to remember! So good to hear from you. with love and best, Geraldinexx
Listen, guys, what do you do with pity? I have a friend who keeps referring to poor dear Keith ... and it just does my head in ...Gxxx
I think that people do feel pity when someone is suffering, and it’s hard to deal with. I don’t want pity either so I try to think that they are really feeling anxious themselves that they or their family may become affected by this terrible disease. That said I have referred to my dear husband as “my poor husband” because at the moment I wrote it, he did seem like a poor man, such a difference from his well self.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,359
I think that people do feel pity when someone is suffering, and it’s hard to deal with. I don’t want pity either so I try to think that they are really feeling anxious themselves that they or their family may become affected by this terrible disease. That said I have referred to my dear husband as “my poor husband” because at the moment I wrote it, he did seem like a poor man, such a difference from his well self.
I get that, but when we hear too much of the words poor, sad, tragic, etc our brain retains them and it damages our confidence/morale. Interestingly, I am mental health professional working with the young and the thing they most dread is pity
Great to hear from you, thank you. Geraldinexx