Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

[Starbright]

@kindred ..I’m sorry to hijack your post but I did try and send a conversation to @Sad Staffs but couldn’t seem to post it .So hope the surgery went well today thinking of you A x

As ever lovely story today Geraldine A x

 

[Sad Staffs]

Thank you all... yes the surgery was today.
It started off badly, got my husband outside together with case, opened car for him, set the burglar alarm, locked door... realised I had left light on. Went back in and activated the alarms. Woke the neighbourhood at 6 am! Didn’t have time to call the control room to remotely reset, so locked door and got in car. My husband said did you set the alarms off? Now this is the sort of thing that he can’t handle and will start going over and over. So I said they were fine, no problem.
Hospital let me stay with him. Surgeon was great, anaesthetist spent ages talking over what he and we thought should happen to minimise the impact. Explained that it isn’t just the anaesthetic, but the morphine, other drugs, etc. So he decided to not give him morphine, and as light an anaesthetic as possible.
When he came back from surgery he was as bright as a button. He looked better than he has done for weeks. He was chatting, drinking loads of water etc. I’m sure the nursing staff were thinking that I was making his diagnosis up! The surgeon arrived, told us the replacement kidney stents had been very tricky, that his bladder has shrivelled and full of debris, and that as he has had bladder cancer for 7 years, we have to live with it as it is. They will change stents in 12 months, otherwise leave well alone. If he was younger, fitter, they would consider major surgery, but it’s not appropriate.
The nursing and medical staff were so good to us both. Very grateful.
My husband went down hill after a while and reverted to getting aggressive, but I managed to keep it under control.
They were pleased with his recovery and agreed he would be better settled at home, which is where we are now. I didn’t dream he would come home today. Both very tired... so glad it is over.
Thanks everyone for your love and support.
Love B xx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Just want to add how important you all are to me... thank you so much.
Love B x

 

[Starbright]

So glad it all went smoothly for you both...take care now and hopefully get some rest ...((hugs)) A x

 

[kindred]

Just want to add how important you all are to me... thank you so much.
Love B x

and you are to us, sweetheart. I am so glad this went well. You must feel wrung out now. All my love and thoughts, always and so so good to hear from you. Geraldinexxxx

 

[kindred]

Well, this I did not expect. Lift STILL out of action owing to the difficulty of getting A PART ... I sincerely hope it's mended by tomorrow as the staff will be on their knees and the residents who are trapped as it were will be going stir crazy.
Keith and I have a lovely time with just the two of us and the quiet (once I have put the telly off) and we can hear what each other is saying, whether it makes sense or not. Staff tell me he has started to refer to me by name as Geraldine ... so he remembers the name!
Divided time between being with Keith, being with other residents in their rooms and being downstairs with those residents who could walk down. The lady who said I was the most boring person in the world said to me today: You're good, you're a good nurse, I can see that ... and that felt great! We had a profound political discussion downstairs with a resident who believes that Thatcher is still in power ... and why not???
It was nice to spend time in other rooms and see the views from their windows. Like that.
The activity nurses were run off their feet, but in between they were doing radio interviews using a carrot as a microphone ...
As you do, guys, as you do. Thank you so much for being with me. One of high spots of my day is writing this. love and best, Geraldinexxxx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Geraldine... you brighten up so many of us with your wonderfully descriptive posts. I, like many others, look forward to them... it is like I’m sharing your life. Thank you.
Love B x

 

[kindred]

Geraldine... you brighten up so many of us with your wonderfully descriptive posts. I, like many others, look forward to them... it is like I’m sharing your life. Thank you.
Love B x

Thank you so much. I do find this the key to coping with my grief, just get stuck in and join the staff. And then tell my beloved friends on here, like your lovely self. I am so glad that operation went OK, my goodness what an ordeal for you darling. all love and thank you! Geraldine aka kindredxxxx

 

[AliceA]

Thank you so much. I do find this the key to coping with my grief, just get stuck in and join the staff. And then tell my beloved friends on here, like your lovely self. I am so glad that operation went OK, my goodness what an ordeal for you darling. all love and thank you! Geraldine aka kindredxxxx

I think you have an answer there Geraldine, helping others always helps ourself in unexpected ways.
Apparently it even produces a happy hormone. X

 

[Toony Oony]

As you know so well @kindred ...

Hope the lift gets fixed for tomorrow! Although the chance for Keith and yourself to have some quiet time must have been good. I find now that I get more concentration from Mum when we are quiet and one to one, Drives me mad when radios are on EVERYWHERE, all playing different music, amongst the general hubbub. I took a big A3 book of scenes with reuseable stickers for Mum and I to play with yesterday - bless her, she piled the unicorns on top of each other, put the flowers and mushrooms in the sky ... still, it gave her something to do and she enjoyed it which was the purpose of the plan.

XX

PS - Cheeky Penguin has now gone AWOL (think perhaps the staff have confiscated him?!)

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @Lindy50 - thanks for your message. So glad I am not the only one that seems to bring out the worst in their PWD. I only want Mum to be as reasonably content and happy as she can be - and I would not visit her as often if I thought that would help, but I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. She frets on the days I don't visit because I am not there, then when I do go, she gets all angsty, says she's dying and she has no one etc etc etc. I expect you know this story only too well! I am totally flummoxed by the fact that Mum cannot string a sentence together that makes any sense anymore - but when I seem to trigger the anxious button, she tells me what's wrong in a reasonably coherent way ....
Think I'm going to have to change up my routine a bit and have a couple of short visits in the morning and perhaps leave before she goes for supper in the evening?
If you find the magic bullet that solves this, please let me know.
Take care
XX

 

[kindred]

View attachment 59962
As you know so well @kindred ...

Hope the lift gets fixed for tomorrow! Although the chance for Keith and yourself to have some quiet time must have been good. I find now that I get more concentration from Mum when we are quiet and one to one, Drives me mad when radios are on EVERYWHERE, all playing different music, amongst the general hubbub. I took a big A3 book of scenes with reuseable stickers for Mum and I to play with yesterday - bless her, she piled the unicorns on top of each other, put the flowers and mushrooms in the sky ... still, it gave her something to do and she enjoyed it which was the purpose of the plan.

XX

PS - Cheeky Penguin has now gone AWOL (think perhaps the staff have confiscated him?!)

Oh dear about Cheeky Penguin!! and your stickers reminded me of the song Lucy in the Sky with diamonds! What a lovely post, thank you so much. Flowers in the sky is lovely! Onwards to the saga of the lift .... thank you so much. with love, Geraldinexx

 

[Toony Oony]

Goodness @kindred - a spooky telepathic moment! When I wrote the post about the stickers I too thought 'Lucy in the Sky' and was going to put: 'Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, Towering over your head' then thought the quote may be a bit obscure. I should have known you would be on my wavelength!
Good luck with the lift - penguin hunt for me after lunch!

XX

 

[kindred]

Goodness @kindred - a spooky telepathic moment! When I wrote the post about the stickers I too thought 'Lucy in the Sky' and was going to put: 'Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, Towering over your head' then thought the quote may be a bit obscure. I should have known you would be on my wavelength!
Good luck with the lift - penguin hunt for me after lunch!

XX

Good luck with that darling one and we shall confer about our success or lack of it!
Gxx

 

[kindred]

Yes guys, you knew this, I know you knew this. THEY CANNOT LOCATE THE PART FOR THE LIFT. So this is day 3 of the great lift breakdown ...
They are searching the country for THE PART, so they say. Anyway, know the drill by now so up to see Keith and as he realises I have come into his lovely room, he says to me:
Is there anything serious you want to discuss?
I reassure him that no, there is not unless he has something on the agenda. And he replies I'll make you a cup of tea then and tries to get out of his chair.
Manage to persuade him to sit back down because there is no way I could get him back now and we do a nice bit of singing together, Keith being quite operatic. I see no signs of him missing the company of everyone else and the staff are brilliant about trudging up the stairs and looking in on everyone.
So then I go and do my own bit of looking in on the residents stuck in the rooms and we have really good chats, which we can do in this enforced 1:1 situation with no interruptions. I learn about singing and dancing fifty years ago and the pleasures of Thailand, and wasn't it called Siam once?

I would not want this to go on forever but there has to be something in it, if see what mean.
I do not see this being fixed over the weekend. Have suggested we could help some of the residents into each other's rooms so there is some kind of community. Others are being helped to walk down but it's a long way ...

Thanks guys, thank you, it's not a total disaster, this lift lark but it is hard work for the staff ... so admire them. Love and best, Kindredxxx aka Geraldinexx Have forgotten to tell you about THE GREAT LITTLE RABBIT ROBBERY so will do that next time.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @Lindy50 - thanks for your message. So glad I am not the only one that seems to bring out the worst in their PWD. I only want Mum to be as reasonably content and happy as she can be - and I would not visit her as often if I thought that would help, but I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. She frets on the days I don't visit because I am not there, then when I do go, she gets all angsty, says she's dying and she has no one etc etc etc. I expect you know this story only too well! I am totally flummoxed by the fact that Mum cannot string a sentence together that makes any sense anymore - but when I seem to trigger the anxious button, she tells me what's wrong in a reasonably coherent way ....
Think I'm going to have to change up my routine a bit and have a couple of short visits in the morning and perhaps leave before she goes for supper in the evening?
If you find the magic bullet that solves this, please let me know.
Take care
XX

Hi @Toony Oony
Absolutely you're not the only one .....
Mum behaves in the same way with everyone as regards her constant shouting of "Hello!! Hello!!!". This barely stops as long as she's awake, even in the middle of talking or eating cake etc. But I am the only one who regularly gets from her that she desperately wants to go home, wishes she was dead, can't understand why her mum doesn't come to see her and so on. I have considered not visiting so often too, but staff tell me she asks for me over and over again when I'm not there, so I don't feel I can do that. Like you I've changed times and lengths of visits, gone with or without someone else.....it makes no difference. Years ago she used to tell everyone I was her 'stone' ( I presume she meant 'rock'), and she still seems to regard me that way. I seem to be her last hope, for instance if I say I'll talk to the doctor about it, she says "Will you?" as though she might be rescued from a sinking ship.
Incidentally mum has vascular dementia, not Alzheimer's. I was reading the Seven Stages document on another thread the other day. If she had Alzheimer's, mum would be well into stage 7. However, she doesn't, and she retains the ability to communicate with me in short, very effective phrases, and to remember the words to old songs and poetry. It's a confusing picture because she seems to think she's a child, I pass as her mum (except when her mum isn't visiting....), has no idea where she is, can't mobilise or even sit without being propped up, is doubly incontinent etc.....and yet to a casual observer, because she retains some verbal ability, she might seem not so ill as she actually is.
I'll certainly post if I find any magic answers to all this!
Al the best
Lindy xx

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @Lindy50 - thanks for your reply. My Mum has Vascular too. She has also referred to me as 'her Mum' for years. I got the 3rd degree this afternoon - Oscar winning emotional blackmail. Nothing else made sense for 3 hours, but that 10 minutes was word perfect. Onwards and upwards ...

Take care
XX

PS - Cheeky penguin located in laundry - following a necessary wash !

 

[kindred]

Hi @Lindy50 - thanks for your reply. My Mum has Vascular too. She has also referred to me as 'her Mum' for years. I got the 3rd degree this afternoon - Oscar winning emotional blackmail. Nothing else made sense for 3 hours, but that 10 minutes was word perfect. Onwards and upwards ...

Take care
XX

PS - Cheeky penguin located in laundry - following a necessary wash !

so glad about the penguin!! Gxxx

 

[kindred]

OK my dearest ones, you know what's coming by now. Lift got mended and broke again, so situation is the new normal.
On arrival one of the more, er, assertive residents gave a scream. I didn't think I was that frightening so I asked her what that was about and she told me it was A DEMONSTRATION. What of? I asked, HOW LOUD I CAN SCREAM! She replied with a grin. Fair enough, I'm very fond of her actually.
Cup of tea before trudge up the stairs to see Keith and overhear two of the residents giving the staff (which for them includes me) marks out of ten ... Very interesting because I think on several occasions they were each talking about a different person and their ideas of one to ten were faltering just a bit.
Anyway, next up was a discussion of who was the most intelligent nurse? At one stage they voted for me but then there was a loud chorus of No, No, not HER ... This was on account of I could not find the golf on the telly for a resident for whom the match was life or death ...
Up to see Keith and notice that his sweet little bunny is in place on his table. This is a tiny white velvet bunny with clothes like a knave in the playing cards. It was one of the last little trinkets that Keith chose for himself. It went missing which is odd because the light fingered wanderers do not live on the top floor and it was found under the tv which again is odd because Keith doesn't go in that room .. anyway it's back, thank goodness.
Dinner was fish and chips which Keith loved and we did a lot of singing.
Went back down after feeding Keith and suggested that the assertive resident (see a paragraph or so back) might like to put on a blue plastic apron like I do. She said no, SHE WANTED TO BE A MUCKY PUP.
Fair enough. You have to admire her spirit!
Blue eyed boy
You look so young again
And have no notion
How hard the world is
without you by my side.
Back on Monday guys, church day tomorrow.
Thanks for being with me, thank you, so appreciate it. love and best, Geraldinexxx

 

[AliceA]

OK my dearest ones, you know what's coming by now. Lift got mended and broke again, so situation is the new normal.
On arrival one of the more, er, assertive residents gave a scream. I didn't think I was that frightening so I asked her what that was about and she told me it was A DEMONSTRATION. What of? I asked, HOW LOUD I CAN SCREAM! She replied with a grin. Fair enough, I'm very fond of her actually.
Cup of tea before trudge up the stairs to see Keith and overhear two of the residents giving the staff (which for them includes me) marks out of ten ... Very interesting because I think on several occasions they were each talking about a different person and their ideas of one to ten were faltering just a bit.
Anyway, next up was a discussion of who was the most intelligent nurse? At one stage they voted for me but then there was a loud chorus of No, No, not HER ... This was on account of I could not find the golf on the telly for a resident for whom the match was life or death ...
Up to see Keith and notice that his sweet little bunny is in place on his table. This is a tiny white velvet bunny with clothes like a knave in the playing cards. It was one of the last little trinkets that Keith chose for himself. It went missing which is odd because the light fingered wanderers do not live on the top floor and it was found under the tv which again is odd because Keith doesn't go in that room .. anyway it's back, thank goodness.
Dinner was fish and chips which Keith loved and we did a lot of singing.
Went back down after feeding Keith and suggested that the assertive resident (see a paragraph or so back) might like to put on a blue plastic apron like I do. She said no, SHE WANTED TO BE A MUCKY PUP.
Fair enough. You have to admire her spirit!
Blue eyed boy
You look so young again
And have no notion
How hard the world is
without you by my side.
Back on Monday guys, church day tomorrow.
Thanks for being with me, thank you, so appreciate it. love and best, Geraldinexxx

Hope you have a good day tomorrow, Love A.