Thank you so much, he is a lovely man. And this is what haunts me although I can never know. I wonder if he never questioned why he was suddenly in a nursing home because he wants not to burden me ... Can I live with this thought? Thank you.
Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise
- Thread starter kindred
- Start date
If it's any help my friend, my mum has never questioned this either. I appreciate that the relationship between my mum and I and that between your OH and you is very different but here we have two lovely people who found themselves in care quite quickly. When mum was taken to her new home just over 2 years ago, there was a palpable sense of relief from both of us; maybe with mum that she was going to receive professional help (it helps that the Home is lovely!) and mine because she was not distressed and asking to come home. She was much more aware back then too. May I suggest that your OH was also aware that he too needed more help rather than not wanting to "burden you"? I honestly think that is the thought you should live with. The Guilt Monster is nipping at your heels. Send him on his way - he's not wanted and has no right to be there. With Love.
ps mum not so well today; has tummy upset and very tired. Thank goodness for yesterday.
Oh darling thank you so so much, this brought me to tears, that your beloved mum and my man may feel this way. What a good thought, much better than the one I am tormenting myself with. I am so sorry your mum has tummy upset and is so tired. I so loved it when you wrote about 'two lovely people who found themselves in care quite quickly. Thank you with all heart, thank you.
Here I am. Well, I can report that I have my voice back and music man was there (lovely carer who plays accordian) and he accompanied me on a session of songs from the Deep South, Battle Hymn of the Republic, Yellow Rose of Texas etc and the modern Night they Drove Old Dixie Down. Wow, that was great and to our joy, the residents responded well.
Then later, an argument kicked off between a couple of residents and one of the activity nurses said we would all have a GOOD CONVERSATION NOW. And it was about typical old fashioned mens jobs and women's jobs and that really did go down a treat. As did, what would you find in a haberdashers. So calm was restored before tea and cakes. OH very sleepy as often is in afternoon so not much in way of conversation but I linked arms with him and we sung along together, just a bit.
Have realised being there with him like this is what Stand By Me is really all about. Thanks guys.
Then later, an argument kicked off between a couple of residents and one of the activity nurses said we would all have a GOOD CONVERSATION NOW. And it was about typical old fashioned mens jobs and women's jobs and that really did go down a treat. As did, what would you find in a haberdashers. So calm was restored before tea and cakes. OH very sleepy as often is in afternoon so not much in way of conversation but I linked arms with him and we sung along together, just a bit.
Have realised being there with him like this is what Stand By Me is really all about. Thanks guys.
What a turn up today! Sat down opposite OH and he began to reach out his hand towards me. I stayed as still as statue and his hand reached my cheek and rested there and then he said, Darling, you have such a very difficult job.
Oh, how I bless (and sometimes curse) this unbreakable bond between us.
Today we had stop the globe. Activity nurses spun the globe, residents stopped it with one finger and pointed to somewhere and then we all talked about it.
Mongolia was interesting and I was obliged to try to demonstrate Mongolian throat singing. Look it up!
I am getting nervous at the approach of this green paper on social care and was obliged to write a letter to the times in reply to an article about how patients are best cared for at home etc etc. No word about the plight of us carers. Well, let us see what happens and I will of course let you guys know if it gets published.
Thank you as ever for being with me, so so appreciate it. Not so lonely.
Oh, how I bless (and sometimes curse) this unbreakable bond between us.
Today we had stop the globe. Activity nurses spun the globe, residents stopped it with one finger and pointed to somewhere and then we all talked about it.
Mongolia was interesting and I was obliged to try to demonstrate Mongolian throat singing. Look it up!
I am getting nervous at the approach of this green paper on social care and was obliged to write a letter to the times in reply to an article about how patients are best cared for at home etc etc. No word about the plight of us carers. Well, let us see what happens and I will of course let you guys know if it gets published.
Thank you as ever for being with me, so so appreciate it. Not so lonely.
sort of update. Just had e mail from the Times to talk about editing my (already short) letter so they are obviously considering it. Watch this space, guys, i will update you asap. But it is a letter in support of the plight of carers, something all too rarely mentioned.
Thank you so much for sending in your letter. Great that The Times considering printing it. I wish they would print your letter in its entirety but if they must edit it I hope they don't ruin it. Carers are simply not considered at all. Look forward to your update and keeping everything crossed!
I'm in! Heading Care in the Home, nicely positioned. This at least means it could be seen by thousands. At least we're out there now, and not dumbed down.
Thank you, we're in the times correspondence page this morning, nicely positioned, short, sharp and pulling no punches!
FANTASTIC!!!! Oh well done you and Thank You so much! Will read later. Bless you!
Just read your letter. Brilliant! Concise yet says so much. Carers "suffering is immense" - No better way to describe what Carers experience. Once again, Thank You for sending this letter; it will be read by so many people, most of whom have no idea what a terrible condition Dementia is and the massive negative impact it has on Carers.
Thank YOU. It's a start, isn't it, wanted to break through the usual minimizing language, let's start saying it as it is. Thank you so very much.
Gx
Back again! OH in strange mood (typical of afternoons), very very high, then lowest of low. I have noticed that certain songs do this to him, Danny Boy, We'll gather lilacs ... I wonder what is happening to his brain when he cries to to these. Anyway, then the atmosphere got lightened a bit when the activity nurse played I'm getting married in the morning and threw a plastic bunch of flowers around saying the person who catches this is next to get married ... and then the nurses joined in and it was happy chaos.
I have noticed the odd latin word creeping into OH's string of language. He did Advanced Level Latin. It'll be Caesar's Gallic Wars next! I'll keep you posted. Thank you and to all of those who have encouraged my newspaper venture.
I have noticed the odd latin word creeping into OH's string of language. He did Advanced Level Latin. It'll be Caesar's Gallic Wars next! I'll keep you posted. Thank you and to all of those who have encouraged my newspaper venture.
Good to hear about the happy chaos - sometimes it's needed isn't it? Very interesting about your OH's use of latin. Gosh isn't it strange how the brain works/not works? Sad visit for me today. Mum half awake. She drank her coffee but was unable to respond to me verbally. She got as far as "Er" and that was it. When her sister visited yesterday, she slept all the time. My aunt and my 96 year old uncle are with her now and I'm wondering how it's going. They travel back to Norwich tomorrow and I feel sad for them. Geoff and I are taking them for a meal tonight so hope it will cheer us all a little. Mum was just staring at the ceiling this morning and looked different - can't really explain it. I felt very unsettled when I left her today and I can't shake it off. This waiting is horrid. I don't want to lose my wonderful, sweet mum but this is no life. All I do is hold her hand, tell her any news, how much I love her. I feel helpless and useless too.. Sorry, just feeling low and worried.
Sweetheart, of course. And I know how much energy it takes to keep talking to our beloved ones under these circumstances. Holding her hand is one of the most important human contacts between us. I know you don't want to lose her, of course you don't. Oh yes, this waiting is horrid, feels wrong, we feel in a wrong place, I know. With you all the way and so very good that you could post. Thank you.
Dearest Jezzer this is so terribly hard for you and I am very, very sorry.
With my mother, I found, though on just one occasion, that I was with her when she was dozing but aware of my presence. The sun was pouring into her room. There was an extraordinary sense of peace.
It was as though our two spirits were there, communicating silently, in that shared space. Oddly, this happened when I stopped trying to communicate in spoken words.
If you are finding this stage so stressful, as of course it is, no question - then I wonder whether experimenting with just being there beside her, and using the time to find a moment of calmness for yourself, just grounding yourself and concentrating on your breathing, might be a pathway to silent communication with your dear mother? She may then, in that silence, be able to respond similarly, and share her love freely and abundantly with you.
I don’t know! But worth a try?
I do appreciate your kindness, Thanks so much. Yes the world feels very skewed right now.
Thank you so much for your beautiful and sensitive post. I am finding this almost unbearable to be honest. Believe it or not I tried this silent communication with mum yesterday but couldn't feel an unspoken response.I prayed too. Perhaps I hadn't completely concentrated but the man across the corridor has his tv on so loud it drives me mad, even if I pull mum's door to. Mum can't hear it but it's really too much. He's very ill too and it's his home so I don't want to cause any upset but I may have to ask a staff member of it can be turned down a little. We shall see what today brings. Thank you again x
Thank YOU and with you so much in spirit, it is hard finding peaceful communication with all the other noises going on. All sympathy, I so understand.
