Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,697
North Manchester
Absolutely right. These objects make great talking points, it's a clever idea to use them. Thank you.
Is

Still only at the talking point stage?
Answers by conversation (PM) if you don't want to spoil it for others.
I will acknowledge all guesses in thread and state if correct or not.

@Izzy
Try ricing parsnips and nutmeg, delicious - providing you like both parsnips and nutmeg!!
 

christmas

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
206
Leicestershire
Hi I know just what you are going though , when we found out Peter had Alzheimer's , I promised he would never go in a home ,but I did not know how bad it would get , I looked after Peter for six years on my own and I became so stressed and could not coup with it anymore . The doctors put Peter in the hospital and I thought it was just to give me a rest ,but the doctors said he could not come home he needed a nursing home , it broke my heart and I felt I had let him down , he has been in the home 5 month's now he settled in and I know it was the best thing I did for him ,I visit every day and its lovely being with him now . Christmas
 

christmas

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
206
Leicestershire
Hi I know just what you are going though , when we found out Peter had Alzheimer's , I promised he would never go in a home ,but I did not know how bad it would get , I looked after Peter for six years on my own and I became so stressed and could not coup with it anymore . The doctors put Peter in the hospital and I thought it was just to give me a rest ,but the doctors said he could not come home he needed a nursing home , it broke my heart and I felt I had let him down , he has been in the home 5 month's now he settled in and I know it was the best thing I did for him ,I visit every day and its lovely being with him now . Christmas
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Hi I know just what you are going though , when we found out Peter had Alzheimer's , I promised he would never go in a home ,but I did not know how bad it would get , I looked after Peter for six years on my own and I became so stressed and could not coup with it anymore . The doctors put Peter in the hospital and I thought it was just to give me a rest ,but the doctors said he could not come home he needed a nursing home , it broke my heart and I felt I had let him down , he has been in the home 5 month's now he settled in and I know it was the best thing I did for him ,I visit every day and its lovely being with him now . Christmas
Thank you so much for your post. I don't think any of us envisage how awful it will get, sweetheart, certainly I didn't. Six years is such a long time on your own, so very well done, what wonderful wife. Yes, visit every day be a wife again, without that terror and stress. Too much darling, it really gets too much. I'm so glad he's settled in and it is so much for the best. Tell us about life in his new home when you can. Thank you so very much for posting.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Here I am, back a bit early as I've got my church group. Well, was that a morning or was that a morning!! The two activity nurses were doing a fruit and veg morning, asking residents to smell the fruit and veg and identify them and talk about whether they ever grew or cooked them. AND THEN One of the nurses put the basket of fruit on her head and pretended it was a hat. AND THEN one of the other carers said in her country, in Africa, they learn from a very early age how to balance things like that, and water urns on their head AND GAVE US A DEMONSTRATION with the basket of fruit - it was stunning. Residents were laughing and clapping. AND THEN one of them said, see if Geraldine can do it, so I tried, could manage a book but certainly not the big fruit basket. So the African nurse said, wait a moment, and she scrunched up a scarf and arranged that on my head and then put the fruit basket on and I could do it (for a few seconds anyway!!). This led to talk of belly dancing and pole dancing and it was all a BIG HOOT for everyone who was awake. OH loved it. One of those times of real magic there. And one of the residents (was a research scientist) suddenly shouted out WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?? Indeed.
Who can tell. Thank you so much for reading.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Me again. Just back from visit. Oh my goodness, it's so hot and because of this I think, and the high light level, quite a lot of tetchiness. Was discussing my theory about high light level with one of the nurses and he said it could well be because the sun and light level gives the residents energy and they don't know what to do with it except pace about. And this is what was happening.
Anyway, in the middle of all his, one of the male residents we call Corkie kept yelling OI at me and so I went over and asked what he wanted and he said You are a good girl, a very good girl, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE? This may be because I put on a fairly old fashioned frock today and I think this takes folk back to their youth. Or something.
OH who is used to me in frocks not quite so vocal.
Home full of visitors, family. Got talking to one lovely lady, similar situation to me and husband now in the nursing home. Our what they horribly call dementia journeys were so similar. Diagnosis, determination to keep loved one at home, gradually increase of help needed (both of us were sole carers), situation becoming more brutal, lack of sleep, social services guilt tripping us, no help at all, all pressure to continue, accident, hospital, nursing home. I wonder how many thousands of us have this similar journey, dementia is kind of train crash managed. Does our suffering matter? We don't cost money, we save it. Pretty dire situation isn't it. I didn't ask her if she had ended up being as physically and mentally broken as I was, but I think she did from things she has said.
No, I'm not depressed guys, I just find this situation absolutely sucks. Thank God for OH's lovely, loving nursing home. Saved our lives. Literally.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
Here I am, back a bit early as I've got my church group. Well, was that a morning or was that a morning!! The two activity nurses were doing a fruit and veg morning, asking residents to smell the fruit and veg and identify them and talk about whether they ever grew or cooked them. AND THEN One of the nurses put the basket of fruit on her head and pretended it was a hat. AND THEN one of the other carers said in her country, in Africa, they learn from a very early age how to balance things like that, and water urns on their head AND GAVE US A DEMONSTRATION with the basket of fruit - it was stunning. Residents were laughing and clapping. AND THEN one of them said, see if Geraldine can do it, so I tried, could manage a book but certainly not the big fruit basket. So the African nurse said, wait a moment, and she scrunched up a scarf and arranged that on my head and then put the fruit basket on and I could do it (for a few seconds anyway!!). This led to talk of belly dancing and pole dancing and it was all a BIG HOOT for everyone who was awake. OH loved it. One of those times of real magic there. And one of the residents (was a research scientist) suddenly shouted out WHAT'S IT ALL FOR?? Indeed.
Who can tell. Thank you so much for reading.
Me again. Just back from visit. Oh my goodness, it's so hot and because of this I think, and the high light level, quite a lot of tetchiness. Was discussing my theory about high light level with one of the nurses and he said it could well be because the sun and light level gives the residents energy and they don't know what to do with it except pace about. And this is what was happening.
Anyway, in the middle of all his, one of the male residents we call Corkie kept yelling OI at me and so I went over and asked what he wanted and he said You are a good girl, a very good girl, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE? This may be because I put on a fairly old fashioned frock today and I think this takes folk back to their youth. Or something.
OH who is used to me in frocks not quite so vocal.
Home full of visitors, family. Got talking to one lovely lady, similar situation to me and husband now in the nursing home. Our what they horribly call dementia journeys were so similar. Diagnosis, determination to keep loved one at home, gradually increase of help needed (both of us were sole carers), situation becoming more brutal, lack of sleep, social services guilt tripping us, no help at all, all pressure to continue, accident, hospital, nursing home. I wonder how many thousands of us have this similar journey, dementia is kind of train crash managed. Does our suffering matter? We don't cost money, we save it. Pretty dire situation isn't it. I didn't ask her if she had ended up being as physically and mentally broken as I was, but I think she did from things she has said.
No, I'm not depressed guys, I just find this situation absolutely sucks. Thank God for OH's lovely, loving nursing home. Saved our lives. Literally.
Hey you! Pleased you discussed your theory about the effect of high light on the residents and his opinion valid I think. Yes so warm today and some of the residents at mum's NH were restless and vocal. Mum still asleep but we had five precious minutes of chat and her responses were spot on! And then back to her world. Dementia Journey. Cannot say what I would call it as I believe I would get thrown off TP. It IS like a train crash - in slow and painful motion. Sending love and hugs as always to you all xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Hey you! Pleased you discussed your theory about the effect of high light on the residents and his opinion valid I think. Yes so warm today and some of the residents at mum's NH were restless and vocal. Mum still asleep but we had five precious minutes of chat and her responses were spot on! And then back to her world. Dementia Journey. Cannot say what I would call it as I believe I would get thrown off TP. It IS like a train crash - in slow and painful motion. Sending love and hugs as always to you all xx
Thank YOU. I hate all these circumlocutions like dementia journey and carer burnout. They distance what is really such a brutal and grievous time. So lovely to hear from you. Don't know what to do about my theory about light level except for going on observing and asking you to do so too. Lovely to hear about your chat with mum. Great to hear from you!
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
Thank YOU. I hate all these circumlocutions like dementia journey and carer burnout. They distance what is really such a brutal and grievous time. So lovely to hear from you. Don't know what to do about my theory about light level except for going on observing and asking you to do so too. Lovely to hear about your chat with mum. Great to hear from you!
Morning. Oh how I agree with you. I think we are all suffering emotional pain or even agony. Grievous and brutal it really is. I will certainly continue observing the effects of light level - there is definitely more to this. Take care and I hope you have a positive visit today with your beloved OH.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
Thank YOU. I hate all these circumlocutions like dementia journey and carer burnout. They distance what is really such a brutal and grievous time. So lovely to hear from you. Don't know what to do about my theory about light level except for going on observing and asking you to do so too. Lovely to hear about your chat with mum. Great to hear from you!
Apologies; I forgot to add a heartfelt Thank You!
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Morning. Oh how I agree with you. I think we are all suffering emotional pain or even agony. Grievous and brutal it really is. I will certainly continue observing the effects of light level - there is definitely more to this. Take care and I hope you have a positive visit today with your beloved OH.
thank you, and I will, of course, report on it! So good to hear from you.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Well today it was high light hot again and one resident was stripping off, others were taking off shoes and socks ... I mean, it's not exceptionally hot in the home either and there is good air conditioning so I guess it has to be the light.
One resident, the one who walks around buttonholing people, all but fainted today and looked pretty ill. Settled him in a chair and the one good thing from this is he let me feed him so at least he had all his food. I said it was just for today because he is ill and he accepted this. He spends too much of his time pretending he can use a knife and fork when he can't. The nurse then put him to bed.
OH talking on and on as usual but they tell me this is good for the brain. Not good for my brain, I can tell you. What's interesting too is that he uses sophisticated and technical language and strings it all together but it does not make sense as a narrative. We did have one sensible narrative:
would you like to go to sleep now, sweetheart?
Yes.
Shut your eyes and do it then.

The nurses find this very funny, they love hearing his voice. As I do.
Thank you for being with me, I am so grateful, so grateful.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
Well today it was high light hot again and one resident was stripping off, others were taking off shoes and socks ... I mean, it's not exceptionally hot in the home either and there is good air conditioning so I guess it has to be the light.
One resident, the one who walks around buttonholing people, all but fainted today and looked pretty ill. Settled him in a chair and the one good thing from this is he let me feed him so at least he had all his food. I said it was just for today because he is ill and he accepted this. He spends too much of his time pretending he can use a knife and fork when he can't. The nurse then put him to bed.
OH talking on and on as usual but they tell me this is good for the brain. Not good for my brain, I can tell you. What's interesting too is that he uses sophisticated and technical language and strings it all together but it does not make sense as a narrative. We did have one sensible narrative:
would you like to go to sleep now, sweetheart?
Yes.
Shut your eyes and do it then.

The nurses find this very funny, they love hearing his voice. As I do.
Thank you for being with me, I am so grateful, so grateful.
How kind of you to feed the gentleman. It must be exhausting listening to a continuous stream of technical and sophisticated words but lovely to hear your OH's voice. Gosh so hot today but a wonderful and unexpected surprise. Mum was able to join us in the dining room and managed all her soup, a third of her mains and half her pudding. When the carers came in her room they said if she was OK to come for lunch, they would bring her. Geoff and I thought she'd remain in bed, sleepy as she's been for the last few weeks. When Geoff said "here's mum" and I turned and saw her being wheeled towards us, I could have wept. Where on earth has she found this reserve of energy? We then took her outside to sit in the shade and then gradually she slipped back into her other world and wanted to go back to bed. The carers were as astonished as we were. A lovely visit and I still can't believe it, especially as last week the doctor thought we were seeing a decline into the final stages. I know, realistically, she is deteriorating but today was a priceless gift. Thank you for listening to me and for your friendship and support x
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
How kind of you to feed the gentleman. It must be exhausting listening to a continuous stream of technical and sophisticated words but lovely to hear your OH's voice. Gosh so hot today but a wonderful and unexpected surprise. Mum was able to join us in the dining room and managed all her soup, a third of her mains and half her pudding. When the carers came in her room they said if she was OK to come for lunch, they would bring her. Geoff and I thought she'd remain in bed, sleepy as she's been for the last few weeks. When Geoff said "here's mum" and I turned and saw her being wheeled towards us, I could have wept. Where on earth has she found this reserve of energy? We then took her outside to sit in the shade and then gradually she slipped back into her other world and wanted to go back to bed. The carers were as astonished as we were. A lovely visit and I still can't believe it, especially as last week the doctor thought we were seeing a decline into the final stages. I know, realistically, she is deteriorating but today was a priceless gift. Thank you for listening to me and for your friendship and support x
sweetheart, sweetheart, that is so beautiful, especially Geoff saying here's mum ... wow. What a miracle, what a miracle. Thank YOU.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
sweetheart, sweetheart, that is so beautiful, especially Geoff saying here's mum ... wow. What a miracle, what a miracle. Thank YOU.
Thanks so much! I just wanted to share something very special. This may sound silly but it's almost as if mum decided to give us this gift today. I was so low earlier. Mum could always tell when I was down - I'de ring her putting on my "positive" voice and when I saw her later she'd say "now then, what's wrong"! I believe that in the midst of the awfulness of this disease, our loved ones still love us even when they can't say so. Love and Hugs to you all.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,338
Thanks so much! I just wanted to share something very special. This may sound silly but it's almost as if mum decided to give us this gift today. I was so low earlier. Mum could always tell when I was down - I'de ring her putting on my "positive" voice and when I saw her later she'd say "now then, what's wrong"! I believe that in the midst of the awfulness of this disease, our loved ones still love us even when they can't say so. Love and Hugs to you all.
Now this is special, so special. Oh yes, our loved ones still love us, we know this don't we. In his way, my OH still tries to take care of me ... thank you so very much.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
How kind of you to feed the gentleman. It must be exhausting listening to a continuous stream of technical and sophisticated words but lovely to hear your OH's voice. Gosh so hot today but a wonderful and unexpected surprise. Mum was able to join us in the dining room and managed all her soup, a third of her mains and half her pudding. When the carers came in her room they said if she was OK to come for lunch, they would bring her. Geoff and I thought she'd remain in bed, sleepy as she's been for the last few weeks. When Geoff said "here's mum" and I turned and saw her being wheeled towards us, I could have wept. Where on earth has she found this reserve of energy? We then took her outside to sit in the shade and then gradually she slipped back into her other world and wanted to go back to bed. The carers were as astonished as we were. A lovely visit and I still can't believe it, especially as last week the doctor thought we were seeing a decline into the final stages. I know, realistically, she is deteriorating but today was a priceless gift. Thank you for listening to me and for your friendship and support x
Dear Jezzer what a wonderful thing. Thank you for recounting this. Such a special day. One to remember.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
Lincoln, UK
Now this is special, so special. Oh yes, our loved ones still love us, we know this don't we. In his way, my OH still tries to take care of me ... thank you so very much.
Your OH sounds a really lovely man. I have no doubt he still tries to take care of you. I love to read your posts! Thank YOU so much!