Please can anyone help or advise

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by rob65, Feb 9, 2008.

  1. rob65

    rob65 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    7
    UK
    My father is 69 and has always been very short tempered and is well known for it. lately however this has got worse and worse, he is now very aggressive and unfortunatly he is the owner of a company employing 100 people who are all terrified of him.

    He is not married and has no partner and I am the only child and work for the company as well.

    His memory is getting worse and he constantly is loosing things and forgetting names and keeps going on about how it must be alzheimers.

    He also has become paranoid about his health and has been to a lot of doctors privatley and abroad about different illnesses and no one can ever find anything wrong with him, we have had brain scans, heart checks, lung checks etc etc.

    The problem is made much worse at work as he has a captive audience that have to listen to him moan and rant and rave and to put things in perspective he would go off the scale 10 out of 10 screaming bright red in the face, swearing if for instance one of the girls didnt answer the phones properly or even went to the toilet. He has made one of our workers so ill by abusing him verbally that I suspect he is having a break down.

    If things are getting bad at work I have sometimes been forced to put vallium in his drinks just to calm things down and the whole situation is making me ill.

    I have talked this through with my doctor, his doctor, nurses, phsyciatric nurses and doctors and no one will or can help as he does not think he has a problem. I have tried talking about this to him but he wont listen at all and dismisses it out of hand.

    This week alone I have had 2 members of staff in my office crying and he was nearly arrested at the airport for going off at a shop worker who didnt serve him quickly enough.

    I cannot get him to leave the business as it has always been his life and he has no friends, interests, or distractions other than work and he is here 7 days a week.

    The situation is getting worse by the day and I am at my wits end and dont know what to do as I have tried every option I can think of.

    I would gladly leave the company and turn my back on him but I have a responsibility to the staff and company.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,866
    Kent
    Dear rob

    I hope the above is on the advice and with permission of your fathers`s doctor.

    I don`t know why you are not getting the support you need, as it sounds as if your father is in a bad way. I can only suggest you keep a diary of his behaviours, dated, timed and placed and present this to his doctor.

    I am very concerned that you are giving him Valium without his knowledge.
     
  3. rob65

    rob65 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    7
    UK
    I have tried his doctor and was told he cant speak to me due to patient confidentiality but I could talk to him. Once I had explained everything to him he just said that he would he would watch out for it, and thats it! No action or help at all.

    Yes in extreme circumstances (not regular or often) I have given him half a tablet of low dose vallium, I dont do this lightly or stupidly this situation is extreme and very volotile, the aggression is on the verge of violence at times and I have to stop it
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,866
    Kent
    I can only suggest you keep seeing his doctor. If you persist, he might realize eventually how serious the situation is.

    May I suggest in future, instead of prescribing Valium for your father without medical permission, if his behaviour is so threatening, you dial 999.
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear rob, understand what a distressing situation you must be in.

    On one hand you say:
    and then:
    Maybe if you printed off your initial post, and took it to his GP, maybe he would listen to you.

    I accept the patient confidentiality bit (I don't necessarily agree with it), but if you could get him to at least listen, maybe he could call your dad in on some pretext or another.

    Just a thought.
     
  6. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    I would suggest that furthur consideration is given to the possibility of

    1) Hypothyroid ( Hashimotos Disease ) the tests for Thyroid in this Country have been altered and fail to pick up many serious cases ........nearly lost my husband thanks to that situation .....try www.thyroid.co.uk plus i can help you furthur on that one

    2) He has a severe Food Allergy or is being poisoned by something like Carbon Dioxide or Aluminium .........the latter is well described and documented by H Tomlinson and others if you do a google search on Aluminium poisoning .........this causes a miriad of symptoms but the normal tests do not show it

    3) Maybe he is imbibing too much Alcohol or caffeine

    4) Severe rise or drop in Testosterone levels .......has he been checked for Prostrate Cancer

    I realise you probably think doctors should have found the above but sadly its common that they do not think outside the box
     
  7. rob65

    rob65 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    7
    UK
    The police have been here several times and guess what... as soon as they come here he is the most calm and rational man they have met. I have to deal with husbands boyfriends and parents of upsett staff on a regular occurence and police visits.

    As I have pointed out I have tried his doctor, my doctor, friends doctors,and hit the same wall that no one will do anything unless he admitts he has a problem.
     
  8. rob65

    rob65 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2008
    7
    UK
    He does not drink alcohol or take any drugs, he has diabetes and blood pressure and has tablets for both.

    Over the last few months he has had tests on his tounge as he says its sore but followwing a biopsy the tests are inconclusive, he has had a foot problem and paid for x rays etc and no one can find anything wrong, we have had a brain scan for pains in his head that showed nothing wrong,we have had an angigram for heart and the doctor told him he was fit and fine, when he goes to poland he pays for dental work and scans and xrays that come back showing nothing wrong. However even though he points out his own memory loss when he cant find things or forgets names he will not see a doctor about it or mention it to anyone else
     
  9. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh now we have the full picture

    Unfortunately its very well known that Diabetics and those with high blood pressure unless both are extremely carefully controlled have filthy tempers

    One Diabetic friends wife can ALWAYS tell when her husband is out of whack
    Another Diabetic Friends wife could write a book on her husbands temper he is also a Ceoliac which complicates matters furthu
    Another diabetic friend also with High Blood Pressure also admits to being murderous at times

    If as could happen your Fathers Thyroid is affected too this will really pile on the short temper

    By the sound of things what doctors he has seen have been economical with the truth because the short temper problems in diabetes and thyroid and high blood pressure are well known or he is not under the care of a really good Endocrinologist

    I know of one in London if thats of assistance
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Sorry Helena, you've gone too far here. This is quite unacceptable. This may be your experience, but it is not everyones and frankly, I'm getting fed up with you stating (not even implying) that it is.
     
  11. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    My Dad is diabetic. He also has high blood pressure. He is extremely mild mannered, placid and one of the calmest people you could wish to meet. Please, don't generalise - it's dangerous for people to read and try and diagnose from opinions.

    Beverley
     
  12. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    As someone with hypertension (although well controlled these days) and as the mother of someone with type one diabetes, I have to say that you should really think before you post in future Helena. This is absolute rubbish and extremely offensive to a lot of people.

    I don't think your remarks have done my blood pressure much good either. :(
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #13 Margarita, Feb 9, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2008
    Helena could have a good point they , even thought I don't think she was generalise every one with diabetes, as every on reaction is
    different to a hypo



    My daughter friend use to have Hypo hypertension when her diabetes medication was not control (diabetes I )

    she use to get what look like very angry , shouting at every one in the class running around,
    throwing things around , being very rude to every one My daughter had to give her Tin of coke or something may of been food , to bring her down . Then she forget she had done it .


    What type of diabetes does your father have 1 or 2 ? is it all controlled .


    she just could not come to
    teams with that she had to take injection for the rest of her life , felt so sorry for her mother , she use to worry about her so much . I use to worry when she use to sleep over , that she would not take her insulin , my daughter was always helping her try to control it , watch out for the sighs of a hypo
     
  14. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Hypertension is high blood pressure. Low blood glucose is hypoglycaemia, high blood glucose is hyperglycaemia. Such extreme reactions to hypoglycaemia are very rare and I have never seen anything like it in my son. I have most certainly never heard of high blood pressure making people bad tempered.
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Found this .......

     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #16 Margarita, Feb 9, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2008

    I don't know Brenda , as we say on TP we are not doctors so can't state it as we are right , maybe Helena should word it different .
     
  17. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    You are actually quoting from Jennifer and not from me Margarita! Although, for the record, I do agree with Jennifer as I also find Helena's post offensive. As you state none of us are doctors, including Helena.
     
  18. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    There will always be some diabetics and some with High blood pressure and some with hypothyroid who are not affected by bad temper

    HOWEVER ..........like it or not the entire endocrine system is very finely balanced and if the Thyroid particularily is out of whack filthy bad temper can be the result

    The same occurs in many Diabetics and in those with Hypertension (high blood pressure) ............you need to understand just how delicate the balance is of the some 20 hormones in the brain in relation to the thyroid/pancreas and pituarity feedback along with high blood pressure

    My Mother had Hypertension and her temper could be filthy
    My Husband is Hypothyroid and before he was finally diagnosed and on correct medication his work colleagues phoned me on a daily basis worried about his violent rages
    My friend whose husband is Diabetic and Coeliac often has to leave the house for fear of her life if he is one of his unbalanced rages

    I can easily point anyone in the direction of endocrinologists who do indeed understand and admit the above occurs more often than you think
     
  19. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    Any scientist will tell you that hypotheses cannot and should not be based on anecdotal evidence, especially from such a small cohort! Just because these three people were temperamental AND had medical conditions does not illustrate cause and effect! Many people without health problems are also temperamental!
     
  20. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Rob,

    I know everyone is looking at physical causes here..

    Could it be that your dad is 69, has always been very short tempered..and has just had enough!!
    And because of the sort of person he is..doesn't know how to say that..
    Maybe he feels it's time to take a back seat but because he never has..he doesn't know how..
    It sounds as though he has nothing else but his work..sad..but maybe true..
    I don't know what to suggest..unless you can persuade him that it's time you took more responsibility in the company and find him a decent holiday?
    You say you give him Valium in minor doses..am assuming you do that because it works.
    And if it does ..(I'm also thinking here he's seeing all sorts of people about his health which is a classic symptom of anxiety)
    then could he lessen off some of his responsibility..take a back seat...?
    And see how it goes..there are a multitude of reasons for forgetfulness and bad temper..if scans/blood tests are throwing up negatives..maybe overworked/overstressed/overtired=anxiety could be the cause..
    Do hope you find some answers..:)

    Love Gigi x
     

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