Physical aggression

Chloe1

New member
Aug 17, 2022
1
0
Stockport
I care for my husband who was diagnosed in 2018. I am 15 years younger than him. In the last 3-4 weeks, his behaviour has become very agressive; initally just shouting but today I thought he was going to lose control and kill me! He is a strong, well built man. I don't currently have professional support in place but I KNOW I need it. I desperately need some time for me - something I haven't had since February this year when he 'wandered' for the first time, and I had very little 'me' time even before then. We attend a dementia group but this needs me to attend with him so I don't get any 'me' time whilst he's there. Family members have offered the chance to leave him with them whilst I go to the shop (or get some sleep) but I am worried on two counts: A. he becomes very agitated when he doesn't know where I am and is difficult to calm down (noticed even when I just go to the loo!!); and B. I don't want to put anyone else at risk if he has one of his rages. He also has panic attacks that I need to 'talk him down' from and also has a heart condition that, more recently, has been causing him to have more regular angina attacks, which he has a GTN spray for. How do I deal with this? Can I get some professional help that won't cost an arm & a leg? and if so, How, and what can I do?
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,415
0
Newcastle
Hi @Chloe1 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds to me that you are in need of support I appreciate your concern for others but you should not be putting yourself at risk either. There are things that can be done to alleviate violent outbreaks and to give you respite. A starting point would be to speak to the Dementia Connect Support Line:

 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,842
0
leicester
Hello @Chloe1 and welcome to the forum from me also

I suggest you ask social services to do a needs assessment and also get him checked for infection by your GP as the aggressive behaviour has started recently.
now you have found the forum I hope you will continue to post for support and to share your experiences with people who understand how difficult the situation is for you.
 

Firecatcher

Registered User
Jan 6, 2020
578
0
I’m really sorry you’re going through this as it sounds terrifying. The difficulty is that wandering and physical/verbal aggression are written off as the symptoms of dementia which carers are simply expected to tolerate. With any other mental illness which resulted in highly aggressive behaviour the person would be assessed under the mental health act and probably detained in hospital. I guess the instances where a carer is killed or seriously injured by a PWD are relatively rare which is why little is done to help. I’m experiencing similar problems getting help for my Dad who is trying to deal with my Mum wandering the streets half dressed and having numerous aggressive episodes. The police simply bring her home. I think the only way people get any help is to walk away although I’m mot sure help would be forthcoming even then.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
5,395
0
Dorset
Hi @Chloe1 , under your circumstances the routine advice is to always have a charged mobile phone on you or readily available and access to a room with a lockable door and/or an easy escape route. If your husband becomes violent your safety is paramount and once safe you phone the police on 999, explaining what is happening.. They should respond as quickly as they can. Even if your husband has calmed down by the time they arrive it will be reported as an incident.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Chloe1.

I’m so sorry to read of your situation. There’s some good advice above. I echo what others have said about keeping safe and contacting the police if you need to. The report they make will be shared with Social Work and that will provide evidence of the need for support.

Can I get some professional help that won't cost an arm & a leg? and if so, How, and what can I do?

Please contact the social work department and explain as you have done here. Emphasise that you are both vulnerable and his care needs should be assessed or re-assessed. You should also ask for a carer’s assessment.

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