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photographs

deeg

New member
May 26, 2019
3
0
My mother has serious and developed dementia and was upset and confused when at home. She is now in a home and much more stable.
Clearing her house, we have found many photographs including her wedding .
Should we show her those pictures or will that cause upset again?
Thanks
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,663
0
N Ireland
Hello @deeg and welcome to TP. I hope you find the forum to be a friendly, informative and supportive place.

Old photographs are often used to prompt memories and create a feelgood factor so I wouldn't fear them. Be prepared for awkward questions if any of the people have passed on as you want to avoid the reliving of grief or create agitation. There may also be an issue about your mother still believing she is the age she was in the photographs so she may find it difficult/impossible to accept that she has adult children.

I hope others will be along with details of their experiences.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

ellejay

Registered User
Jan 28, 2011
4,019
0
Essex
Can I just advise you to take copies of precious photos,, not the original just in case.
We didnt & mum threw the first lot away, so for her memory book we made sure we used copies .
Lin x
 

olliebel

Registered User
May 1, 2017
18
0
Harlow Essex
I made up an family album for my H, and he looks at it all the time...he doesnt always remember their names but he enjoys looking at the photos, it also encourages small talk about when the children were little, holidays in the caravan, he may forget what we spoke about a few minutes later, but its memories for him at the time ..he has very old ones too (black and white), shows them to anyone who comes in our house.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,219
0
Scotland
This varies from person to person. Showing my husband photos has in the past triggered thoughts of wanting to visit the people in them who of course are all dead. Younger people like our grandchildren don’t mean anything to him anymore as he can’t remember them. He will happily though spend hours looking at magazines so neutral photos must please him in some way.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,740
0
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
My OH has an old iPad on which I have loaded hundreds of her favourite photographs and she loves browsing through them although often is confused by the technology. In preparation for the time when the technology gets too much I am working on a DVD slide show of some of the photos, also incorporating video clips of selected friends and members of our families just chatting to, and about her, mainly reminiscing about how special she is to them. We are finding that the process is bringing a sort of comfort to us even though no one has seen it yet. So, photos, yes, and as mentioned copies are best if being given out of albums and loose.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,129
0
High Peak
Photos are a big no-no for my mum. We made her a lovely album with family photos over the years but she hates it. In fact she's actually quite horrible about it.

Mum: 'What do you want to look at that for?'
Me: 'Because it's the family and all our lovely memories!'
Mum: 'Well, I don't want to see it. Do you have photos of your family?'
Me: 'Yes! Of course!' (I don't mention that my family IS her family!)
Mum: 'Well, you're mad - why would you do that? I don't want to see stupid photos.'

She does recognise some of the photos though often confuses her father with her husband (my dad) and thinks she has seen them recently and denies that I am her daughter or that dad was my father. But there is no joy, no clue that she remembers her wedding or the birth of her children or her son's wedding, etc. All she can do is point at people and say, 'Look at the state of him - he's so fat!' or, 'That's a horrible dress. Stupid cow...'

So it stays in her wardobe o_O
 

deeg

New member
May 26, 2019
3
0
Photos are a big no-no for my mum. We made her a lovely album with family photos over the years but she hates it. In fact she's actually quite horrible about it.

Mum: 'What do you want to look at that for?'
Me: 'Because it's the family and all our lovely memories!'
Mum: 'Well, I don't want to see it. Do you have photos of your family?'
Me: 'Yes! Of course!' (I don't mention that my family IS her family!)
Mum: 'Well, you're mad - why would you do that? I don't want to see stupid photos.'

She does recognise some of the photos though often confuses her father with her husband (my dad) and thinks she has seen them recently and denies that I am her daughter or that dad was my father. But there is no joy, no clue that she remembers her wedding or the birth of her children or her son's wedding, etc. All she can do is point at people and say, 'Look at the state of him - he's so fat!' or, 'That's a horrible dress. Stupid cow...'

So it stays in her wardobe o_O
Thank you all for good advicethanks for help and advice b