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Phone call from dad

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,740
cornwall
Phone call from dad tonight @ Tuesday hospital appointment.He phoned me to ask when he was being collected by transport ambulance.I told him and what time I would be there. I have it written on notes on his table. He replied I haven't looked. I have noticed lately that he is not reading his newspapers..He says He cannot see to read and gets bored.I'm wondering if he is actually comprehending what he is seeing.
He is off to see the skin cancer specialist again.(He has had it 3 times already).He is going off this time not at all happy.( Hates the transport).If it comes back positive this time and dad declines any treatment so be it...Same with the kidneys..He is 87.With all dad's comorbities ( heart failure,diabetes,kidney disease ,skin cancer to name a few) maybe he just needs to be comfortable...
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,740
cornwall
Gosh! Does he actually have any quality of life at all?
Tbh no. Not what I would call quality. It is difficult to get him out without planning like a military operation . As when he goes out he has to go out in a wheelchair. He walks with a gutter frame when home. Getting a wheelchair taxi can sometimes be difficult but it is the only way for him to go out..He was actually saying the other day that this is no life at all..
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,434
South coast
With all dad's comorbities ( heart failure,diabetes,kidney disease ,skin cancer to name a few) maybe he just needs to be comfortable...
There comes a time when this is not just OK, but the best thing.

Mum didnt have cancer, but when she had a stroke it was decided in the hospital to not treat it, just make sure she was stable and send her back to her care home. At the end of her life I had "the talk" with her GP about not sending her to hospital at all and just making sure she was comfortable.

Im now on a similar path with OH. He had a a lot of UTIs including a couple of bouts of sepsis earlier this year and there was a long discussion with the doctor about how far to push treatment, especially in the light of the emerging pandemic. He now has a DNR and its been agreed that an ordinary ward bed with a drip, IV medication, and oxygen is OK, but not intensive care, a ventilator, kidney dialysis or chemotherapy etc. I cant remember the term the doctor used. I fully expect to get to the stage eventually where any sort of hospital admission is not appropriate.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,657
Yorkshire
Mum has started saying she can’t see the questions on tv snd needs new glasses when quiz shows are on but then if something like a name is on screen for a while in same size writing she can see it at times. I think she’s not understanding what she’s seeing quick enough with the questions. If she gets a letter she reads out odd bits that are lines apart and only half sentences and says it doesn’t make sense. She’s been struggling with books and magazines for a while as she couldn’t keep track of what she read but now I think she struggles a bit with order to read in and recognising words too. At eye test at hospital they said she didn’t read as far as they would expect on eye test but not because of her vision problems they don’t think, unless glasses not strong enough which should be. I think its mum struggling to make sense of what she is seeing more now.
Notes haven’t really worked for mum for quite a while as she forgets to look at them but if for any reason there is a note it has to be short and spaced out as she struggles to understand what it means and seems to only notice bits of it. Maybe your dad is getting the same, another sad part of dementia. My mum used to love to read.
Your dad has so many things bless him X I hope the trip to specialist goes ok as it can x 🤗 x
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,740
cornwall
There comes a time when this is not just OK, but the best thing.

Mum didnt have cancer, but when she had a stroke it was decided in the hospital to not treat it, just make sure she was stable and send her back to her care home. At the end of her life I had "the talk" with her GP about not sending her to hospital at all and just making sure she was comfortable.

Im now on a similar path with OH. He had a a lot of UTIs including a couple of bouts of sepsis earlier this year and there was a long discussion with the doctor about how far to push treatment, especially in the light of the emerging pandemic. He now has a DNR and its been agreed that an ordinary ward bed with a drip, IV medication, and oxygen is OK, but not intensive care, a ventilator, kidney dialysis or chemotherapy etc. I cant remember the term the doctor used. I fully expect to get to the stage eventually where any sort of hospital admission is not appropriate.
I’m expecting the doctor at some point to mention a DNR. I emailed him weeks ago to say what are we going to do about it. But no reply.
When I spoke to the transport ambulance man he asked about it. I just said that with dad’s co-morbities I didn’t think he had a high chance of survival. I need to talk to dad about it but he has always got his head in the sand and wants to live forever..
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,740
cornwall
We’ve had to change from the telegraph to the express as the words are easier to understand for mum. So not happy but never mind!!
Dad has the mail but still gets difficulty. It is hard to figure whether he cannot see it or whether he is bored. Sometimes with dad it is hard to get to the truth.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,740
cornwall
Mum has started saying she can’t see the questions on tv snd needs new glasses when quiz shows are on but then if something like a name is on screen for a while in same size writing she can see it at times. I think she’s not understanding what she’s seeing quick enough with the questions. If she gets a letter she reads out odd bits that are lines apart and only half sentences and says it doesn’t make sense. She’s been struggling with books and magazines for a while as she couldn’t keep track of what she read but now I think she struggles a bit with order to read in and recognising words too. At eye test at hospital they said she didn’t read as far as they would expect on eye test but not because of her vision problems they don’t think, unless glasses not strong enough which should be. I think its mum struggling to make sense of what she is seeing more now.
Notes haven’t really worked for mum for quite a while as she forgets to look at them but if for any reason there is a note it has to be short and spaced out as she struggles to understand what it means and seems to only notice bits of it. Maybe your dad is getting the same, another sad part of dementia. My mum used to love to read.
Your dad has so many things bless him X I hope the trip to specialist goes ok as it can x 🤗 x
I hope so. It seems we are on a run of it again at the moment.Im waiting for a letter from the renal clinic to see what the result is etc
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
909
High Peak
Mum could still read until she died but lost the ability to process what she was reading. It got that way that she would leaf through a magazine looking at the pictures and reading out any headings in bold type. In the back of Woman's Own, after the ubiquitous stories about the royal family, there are all sorts of big classified ads. One from a firm of solicitors was headed 'Wills & LPA'. I panicked! Mum was obsessed with money and I thought with dread she'd start on about that again. What she actually said was 'Wills and LPA. Hmmm. Don't know who they are either.' Phew.