Phew! It sure isn`t easy!

[Anthoula]

Being a carer is certainly not easy. To-day my 78 year old partner is driving me crazy, and I`m sorry to say that patience has never been one of my virtues. My poor old tongue is sore from me having to bite it so many times and I have had to sit on my hands to stop myself from giving him a hearty slap! I look at him and he is the same man I first knew so many years ago, but then he says something or does something and he becomes an alien who I don`t recognise or understand.
There is no doubt that there are some days which are better than others and I am lulled into believing there is little wrong and think that may be the dementia diagnosis was wrong and his lapses of memory and moments of confusion are purely age related! Then the balloon of belief goes bang and reality hits home, and I could scream. I will be honest, there are days when I do not like him and could readily pack my bags and wave good bye, but I don`t because there is nobody else to care (there`s that little word again!) and ensure that he is fed, watered and given his medication!
So to-day he is testing my levels of tolerance and understanding to their utmost limits and I am so glad to have this forum in which to vent my frustration. Bless you all for being here.

 

[Izzy]

I‘m sorry to read that things are so bad for you @Anthoula. Does your husband have any support from carers or are you providing all of the care yourself?

Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss the situation with an Admiral Nurse. Their contact details are here -

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline

Call or email our Dementia Helpline/Alzheimer’s Helpline for reassuring and practical advice from our specialist team of Admiral Nurses.

www.dementiauk.org

I hope sharing your concerns here has helped a little.

 

[Anthoula]

I‘m sorry to read that things are so bad for you @Anthoula. Does your husband have any support from carers or are you providing all of the care yourself?

Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss the situation with an Admiral Nurse. Their contact details are here -

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline

Call or email our Dementia Helpline/Alzheimer’s Helpline for reassuring and practical advice from our specialist team of Admiral Nurses.

www.dementiauk.org

I hope sharing your concerns here has helped a little.

Thank you Izzy. I have been in touch with the Admiral Nurses, but have been told it could be several weeks before they can get back to me as there are only 2 of them in this area.

 

[Bunpoots]

I can only sympathise @Anthoula . Is there any chance of you getting regular respite? I found that if I could get a day off here and there I was better able to cope - the problem was finding someone who was willing to give me a break!

 

[Cat27]

@Anthoula

I think you would benefit from contacting our support line as you really cannot carry on like this.
Dementia Connect support line

Contact our Dementia Connect support line for information, support and advice.
0333 150 3456

 

[Mr.A]

I must say that this sounds harsh treatment for someone who is obviously struggling to cope. When you contacted Admiral nurses for help is that all you were told that they would get back to you in several weeks time? Were you offered any advice as to how to handle the situation or how you might get further support? I am interested because I have read the Dementia UK website pages on Admiral nurses and it all sounds very wonderful and that help could be only a phone call away. It would also be interesting to read a comment from a representative of Dementia UK in regard to this case. Sorry to sound beligerent but this is an important issue.

 

[Izzy]

Thank you Izzy. I have been in touch with the Admiral Nurses, but have been told it could be several weeks before they can get back to me as there are only 2 of them in this area.

I'm so sorry to read this. I know other members have found them very supportive. When I was caring for my husband I sent them a log email asking for advice and got a really helpful reply. I did it that we as we didn't have any Admiral Nurses in Scotland at that time.

As @Cat27 says the Dementia Connect link might be helpful.

 

[Chocco]

Being a carer is certainly not easy. To-day my 78 year old partner is driving me crazy, and I`m sorry to say that patience has never been one of my virtues. My poor old tongue is sore from me having to bite it so many times and I have had to sit on my hands to stop myself from giving him a hearty slap! I look at him and he is the same man I first knew so many years ago, but then he says something or does something and he becomes an alien who I don`t recognise or understand.
There is no doubt that there are some days which are better than others and I am lulled into believing there is little wrong and think that may be the dementia diagnosis was wrong and his lapses of memory and moments of confusion are purely age related! Then the balloon of belief goes bang and reality hits home, and I could scream. I will be honest, there are days when I do not like him and could readily pack my bags and wave good bye, but I don`t because there is nobody else to care (there`s that little word again!) and ensure that he is fed, watered and given his medication!
So to-day he is testing my levels of tolerance and understanding to their utmost limits and I am so glad to have this forum in which to vent my frustration. Bless you all for being here.

Hi @Anthoula, so many people reply to posts with "this could have been me writing this"
That's how I felt reading your post so can sympathise totally! While I was trying to clean kitchen yesterday - not a favourite task - OH parked himself on the chair and was just rambling on about nothing but I had to keep making inane replies. In the end I said
" haven't you got anything to do?" He got the message straightaway and went and sat on the sofa looking all hurt and dejected.
Big time guilt set in and I had to go and virtually beg him to come back to the kitchen and carry on talking to me!!
Some days he is totally lucid and then other days he thinks I'm 3 different people.
I wish I were anywhere else but here, I daydream about freedom from this and I pray for release which again makes me feel so guilty.
It's good to be able to come here and just get it off your chest once in awhile because everyone understands totally and would not judge you on the bad days.
Sometimes you might not be looking for an answer just a "there, there" so here it is @Anthoula............
there, there sweetheart, lets hope it's better for you tomorrow and sending big hugs xx