permanent care decision

[sistermillicent]

We had a meet up today, my two sisters, dad and me. Mum has been in care since she seemed to forget how to walk about 8 weeks ago and it wasn't a uti or a chest infection this time. She can't stand up either.
We are lucky that the care home has great staff and want her to stay there. They have, without our knowledge or consent, changed her GP which is fair enough I suppose and they have registered her as a permanent resident which I am really thankful for because dad is procrastinating and thinking she might start walking again. (she definitely won't but we are kind of playing along)

At our get together today my youngest sister had her husband there and as soon as we started talking about mum he kept on and on changing the subject to himself. Youngest sis kept getting up and walking away to do something else. It was impossible. I am really angry with her as this was in her house and the rest of us had travelled a long way to be there. We had all agreed the purpose of the meet up yet it was as if she sabotaged it.
Middle sis and me abandoned the conversation in the end as it was too interrupted.
I am sitting with a glass of wine, have bitten my husband's head off and thought i had better offload here instead because he doesn't deserve it.

 

[CollegeGirl]

I'm so sorry, SisterM. I don't really know what to say that would help, but just wanted to commiserate. It seems very odd that this happened - did you tackle your sister and her husband about their bizarre behaviour? Do you think they might have had a row or something before you arrived, which might have made them reluctant to sit and talk together?

It doesn't excuse them, but may explain why they didn't engage.

Are you going to attempt it again?

 

[sistermillicent]

I didn't tackle them as I wasn't sure what was going on, I am waiting for middle sis to get home and then will text her. I feel worst for her really as she drove a really long way. She and I did acknowledge to each other that there is nothing we can do to stop dad from hurting, and that was useful to know we both felt the same.

 

[CollegeGirl]

That's actually a big thing to acknowledge. For a long time I felt responsible for dad's happiness and wellbeing until I gradually realised I couldn't replace my mam so there was no way I was going to be able to make him happy again. You have my utmost sympathy. Big hugs xx

 

[theunknown]

It is so, so annoying when somebody makes it all about them, even 'though there's a family member with a much bigger problem. Think about what's right for you, not what works for the annoying person.