1. Michelle-A

    Michelle-A Registered User

    Feb 5, 2005
    27
    Essex
    Hi,
    I have not posted on here for some time. My mum is now being fed by a peg tube which feeds her all the nutrients and medicines she needs. My sister and I felt pressured into this last year and feel we were not given enough information but the nursing home believed it was the right thing to do. I am now worried this was done purely to make life easier for them and does not give my mum anymore quality of life... just pro-longing the misery!She has ballooned in weight (she was always very tiny) and I just feel now she will go on suffering for years now while this tube just keeps her alive for the sake of existing.
    Does anyone have any more information on this as I feel we made the "wrong decision" and the truth is I don't want to see her suffer anymore, should we have allowed nature to take it's course?? She cannot talk, walk, move, eat, nothing.. the only thing she can do by herself is breathe.... I just want it over with but concerned this tube will pro-long her agony for many years to come..... Help!
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,652
    Kent
    Dear Michelle,

    I would be surprised if anyone can help now. The peg is in place, and I wouldn`t imagine any medic would be prepared to remove it. It would be akin to withholding nourishment.

    I can only suggest you talk to her doctors, tell them you regret the decision you made, ask their opinion of your mother`s quality of life, and take it from there.
     
  3. dolly gee

    dolly gee Registered User

    Mar 9, 2007
    47
    merseyside
    Michelle i wish i could say its ok to let nature take its course but by inserting a peg feed the doctors are doing there job .It must be so hard for you and your sister are you saying you were given a chioce,but i agree with granny g it is the best thing to do god bless granny gee
     
  4. katherine

    katherine Registered User

    Sep 5, 2006
    57
    I have to say i don't necessarily think prolonging someone's life at this stage is worth it. Who is it helping really? Clearly not you and your sister as you can't move on with your lives and is it really what your mum would have wanted? I don't know, but i feel a lot of sympathy with you. I hope you can get this addressed propery by the doctors...I think we are so often obsessed with prolonging life these days over and above ensuring quality of life...It's sad really - i hope you manage to sort things out xxx
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello Michelle, so very sorry to read about your mum.

    Strangely, I was only thinking about you last weekend and wondering how you and your sister were coping.

    As for your dear mum, it is pointless now any of us saying what we would/would not do. That time has long gone. I would echo Sylvia's comments:

    Please let us know how you get on. Will add you to my prayers. God bless,
     
  6. Michelle-A

    Michelle-A Registered User

    Feb 5, 2005
    27
    Essex
    Thanks for your kind words. Is very difficult and to be honest I never thought we'd get to this point and is difficult to know what the right thing to do is... I don't feel grown up enough to make life-changing decisions for my mum!
    I know it sounds a bizarre thing to say, but the end for most people comes as a result of the inability to fight off infection because of lack of nutrition etc... so I think to myself, well my mum gets everything she needs through this tube, so she could go on for years and years ...I'm just wondering what to expect next... we seem to have gone through every stage within a very short space of time..... 2 years ago mum's dementia doctor said he wouldn't expect her to live past another year to 2 so I just don't know what to expect anymore.....:confused:
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,652
    Kent
    Dear Michelle,

    If you feel like this, just allow Fate, or whatever you wish to call it, and the medics, determine your mum`s future.

    What`s done is done, and you are obviously torn, but there may be a reason why it was this way. Who knows.

    Take care,

    Love xx
     
  8. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    563
    nuneaton
    Hello Michelle

    Since coming on to TP I have learnt one thing about this terrible ILLNESS and that is, evpect the unexpected.
    You and your sister are in a very sad situation, your Mum would be very proud of the way you have done what you think is best for her.

    Everyone questions things from the past,' did I do the right thing' or 'I wish I knew then what I know now'. It's part of LIFE and learning from our experiences.

    I believe we have to accept 'the past' even if we now know, it was the wrong decision.
    Life is about TODAY, YESTERDAY has gone and TOMORROW, well, we deal with that when it comes.

    DON't be TOO hard on yourselves, your Mum would want you to TRY and enjoy life.
    Loving your Mum has been a BIG trial for you both and you should NEVER feel guilty about ANYTHING you have no control over.

    Take Care
    best wishes
    Janetruth x
     
  9. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Hi Michelle,

    I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now - it's such a terrible situation.

    I can only say to you that, for me, in life there are no wrong or right decisions - just decisions.

    You can't really know how you would feel if you made the other decision you can only make an assumption that it would feel better than this because you're in so much pain.

    I went through a similar thing when my fiancee died. The hospital staff said there was no hope and I could either let him go quietly or they could try to resuscitate him. I said resuscitate. I won't go into too may details but they did and he lived for another fifteen minutes but it was gruesome and I was wracked with guilt that I had made him suffer needlessly. However, after counselling etc, I realised that had I let him go I would have felt guilty because could he have survived?

    I feel awkward and presumptious giving this advice and I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just want to let you know that I'm feeling for you.

    Best wishes to you and your sister.

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  10. Michelle-A

    Michelle-A Registered User

    Feb 5, 2005
    27
    Essex
    Thanks Kate,
    No I am very grateful of any advice so don't feel awkward!

    It's just very difficult to know what to do for the best anymore, all I ask is that my mum is comfortable in the time she has left, but I just see her suffering and have no idea when that will end. Is very sad and I didn't think it would turn out this way.... but it has! I know she wouldn't want to live like this and is just frustrating and you end up blaming yourself that you have pro-longed their suffering, but what do you do? me and my sister only have each other so is not like we have any other family to support us in making these decisions.... we've dealt with this from such a young age and I just think it just gets all a bit too much!:(
    M.x
     
  11. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Michelle, the information I promised you I have now sent in a PM.

    Do hope that you will get something resloved soon.
     

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