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Peeping Tom

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    193
    Newcastle
    I am in danger of becoming known as a peeping Tom as a result of my wife's obsession with the safety of our dog. If it wasn't enough that the man opposite is always looking at us, she now believes that there is a second 'evil' man (she calls him worse than that but it is not repeatable here) standing stock still at the bottom of our street, staring at our house, with the intention of stealing the dog. There are 15 other houses between ours and where the man is supposedly standing. I need binoculars to see that far yet even then all I can spot is a rather nice tree in blossom. She will not have it and insists that he stands there hour after hour, day in day out ... until we go that way when he disappears. It is pointless telling her that she is mistaken - nothing wrong with her eyes - yet I don't feel that I can say it is true. Diversion doesn't seem to work. Telling her that the dog is perfectly safe with us doesn't work. How do I get her to stop looking out of the window and telling me over and over how worried she is?
     
  2. Clunchman

    Clunchman Account on hold

    Dec 6, 2016
    287
    .
    I have had the same where my wife insist someone is in the bedroom and I have to turn the light on and walk around the room with a baseball bat (her theory, I will hit him before he attacks us) before she believes he is not there. Wish I had a solution, but sorry, other than walking to where he is supposed to be, I do not.
     
  3. Hamster Wheel

    Hamster Wheel Registered User

    Apr 20, 2017
    59
    Derbyshire
    Once went on a course and they quoted an example of how a carrier bag on top of a wheelie bin was thought to be a loitering man. They just said try and interpretate what is being seen and try to reassure, I know, easier said than done.
     
  4. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    8,014
    North East England
    Try telling her that he is a policeman who has been ordered to keep watch so that she is safe.
     
  5. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    826
    Colchester
    My husband is always seeing people and sometimes shouts at them. It seems to be work related and sometimes I feel so sorry for him. One day he was obviously upset and when i asked him he said. "No matter what I do they say I am no good and useless." I felt so cross I said "Don't worry love they have gone now it's the weekend . No work to worry about." And at other times if he is really being bothered by "them" I say "They have gone now. I told them all to go away and have a holiday." It always calms things and seems to work. Good luck.x
     
  6. arielsmelody

    arielsmelody Registered User

    Jul 16, 2015
    482
    Do you have net curtains on the window that looks in that direction? Do you think that would help if it stopped her catching a glimpse of the tree as she walks past?

    I went to my sister's house over the weekend and she had a fluffy white hat sitting on the top of a coat stand just outside the door of her living room which I could see from the corner of my eye when I watched tv - I kept thinking that someone with a big white head was just about to come into the room!
     
  7. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    564
    Could you plant something in your own garden that would obscure the view down the street? Maybe something in a pot that you could position just right? A fan trained clematis for instance would cover quite an area looking beyond, if you see what I mean.
    Or just some trellis, if you're not very green fingered? :D Or could you block the view from the window by putting some film on the glass to make it obscure, or re-position furniture so that your wife can't stand there?

    I do hope you find a solution, it is so awful when we cannot ease someone's distress. The only other thing I would add is that most things dementia related do change after a time so it may be something that simply, eventually, passes but fingers crossed something works sooner than that for you.
     

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