Oh Scarlett. You are so good with words of encouragement, support and wit. Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate your humour in this stressful journey.
Morganlefay - I wish I had the endlesss patience needed but I often don't. I have learnt however that hubby needs 2 hours to get ready in tbe morning, so if something has a set time then I work back 2 hours to the time he needs to be up to give us the time at his pace.
Show me someone who has endless patience, 24/7, whilst caring for someone with this terrible illness, for years and years, and I'll show you a fiberoo!!! Again, as I've said before, when I took my marriage vows, I fervently believed every phrase that preceded "I Do".
But when I thought of the phrase "in sickness or in health", I was gazing into the eyes of my lovely strong man, who adored me, and I had a brief vision of myself, tenderly stroking his fevered brow, if he had a cold (man flu hadn't been invented in the 1960s
), perhaps feeding him soup, and him, gratefully, whispering hoarsely (cos he'd have had a sore throat as well) "thank you my darling, what would I do without you, you are truly an angel .............."
Not for a
single second did I imagine myself repeating everything a million times a day, clearing up after the joys of double incontinence, being assaulted both physically and mentally, trying to manage on a couple of hours unbroken sleep at night. Or being accused of stealing things he couldn't find, or hiding them on purpose, being accused of having affairs, even with complete strangers, hating myself for feeling resentful, and being so insanely jealous of other couples who had ordinary and normal lives. And no Alzheimer's in their lives.
I could cheerfully have murdered people who said "but he looks so
well!" Or those who would say "yes, I know what it's like, my Uncle/neighbour/third cousin 6 times removed is the same". They probably visited once a year, if that. People who don't live the lives we live, or have lived, haven't a clue. It is only on TP, where others know
exactly what we mean, that you can truly have understanding.
I haven't read
a single post where a spouse, who is arranging for their loved one to go into a Care Home, hasn't mentioned the word "guilty", either before, during or after. Carers have the hardest journey of all, and those folk on TP who have seamlessly acquired adequate home care, and/or support are few and far between.
I am not, and never was, a mixture of Mother Theresa, Princess Diana and the Angel Gabriel. I was just a human being, who, with their husband, was the reluctant recipient of this Russian Roulette that is Alzheimer's, and who tried to do their best.
And that's all any of us can do. I've now got through 11 months of The First Year without John, and I know that I tried to care for him as best as I could. My best may be better than some, and worse than others, but it was all I had.
God Bless all carers out there - you're doing the best you can, and who can ask for more than someone's best? xxxxxxxxxx