Thank you so much xI am on a similar timeline to you though I realise this isn't an indicator in itself. Like you, lockdown has made a significant difference to how we live our lives, and I too have struggled with my feelings towards my husband - as the balance of our relationship changes. Our "love languages" are now so different and it's so hard to reconcile them.
For the last 15 months I have received counselling (through the memory clinic) and this has made such a difference to me. A time for me to understand more about me in a world that now has so little time for me - for the person I was, before Alzheimer's became our lives. I would encourage you to explore this type of support.
Also, we have recently just begun receiving regular caring support and whilst it takes some adjusting to, I can see the benefits already- for both of us.
I struggle to be patient (often) and also try to protect my husband from the reality of the life that is dementia. This means the pressure falls on my shoulders and this is hard - which is where the counselling helps.
I don't have any answers here, but your message resonated with me and I wanted to share a bit of my experience in the hope it might help ?
Hello @0909j and welcome to DTP
Do you think it may be time for a reassessment of the diagnosis for you husband?
Dementia is a progressive illness so a new assessment might well be due.
It also sounds like the time for help with caring for your husband might be a way forward if you are finding things very difficult.
If you would like to talk to to someone I’ve added the following link
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.www.alzheimers.org.uk
I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post for support and to share your experiences..
Hi @Ridpathnan, I see my Dad going through this as he cares for my Mum. His patience will snap - he isn't a saint - and the more he lets his frustration show, the more anxious and upset Mum becomes and it can start a downward spiral for the rest of the day. It is more than any human being should be asked for.Thank you I know we are just starting the journey into dementia ....and it scares me that I wont be able to handle my own feelings towards my husband ....I have never been blessed with patience, but I am working hard to tell myself that he can't help whats happening to him...I seem to have the knack of making him feel worse than he should.
I want to show my daughters that I can lovingly care for their father.
I feel a very bad person at the moment
You are not a bad person. We have all / are going through the same emotions. You just want to do your best and not let your loved one down. I promised my husband that I would always make sure he received the best treatment possible. However there are times when I don't like what the medics have to say or suggest, but I tell myself if it is the best thing for him, then Ill agree to it. Like you I feel I at times that I'm causing him to feel worse, but that's probably because we are their nearest and dearest, and they vent their feelings on us and not strangers. Accept all the help you are offered as it is a lonely journey and having others to support you makes a big difference. Good lluck.Thank you I know we are just starting the journey into dementia ....and it scares me that I wont be able to handle my own feelings towards my husband ....I have never been blessed with patience, but I am working hard to tell myself that he can't help whats happening to him...I seem to have the knack of making him feel worse than he should.
I want to show my daughters that I can lovingly care for their father.
I feel a very bad person at the moment
Well, this made me feel much better after the patience wore very thin last night. Thank youHi @Ridpathnan, I see my Dad going through this as he cares for my Mum. His patience will snap - he isn't a saint - and the more he lets his frustration show, the more anxious and upset Mum becomes and it can start a downward spiral for the rest of the day. It is more than any human being should be asked for.
What Mum doesn't see is the hundreds of small things Dad quietly does for her every day. They are the expression of his love and care for her. It makes me sad that she can't see them. But if there's someone who can step back for a moment, maybe they can give you some reassurance? Those hundreds of good things do weigh in the balance against the cross words and the moments that don't go so well. I hope you can see that ... sometimes
You aren't alone with those feelings. My Husband has had early onset Dementia for 20 years, I noticed the changes in him because I had seen his Father go the same way 30 years earlier. He wouldn't admit it to himself so wouldn't go to the Doctor for a diagnosis. I eventually got him there 7 years ago when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease/Vascular Dementia, Moderate/severe respectively. His condition now is that he is unable to speak or understand what you say, he can't find his way around the house, when I get him to the bathroom he doesn't know what to do. I have to put his knife and fork in his hands and cut everything up for him, his mobility is very poor too only being able to walk about 100 yds. He has me in and out of bed 3/4 times in the night so I don't get any solid sleep and am going around like a Zombie most of the time. When I try to help him at the toilet he sometimes starts hitting out at me, and the look on his face can be quite frightening. I am having problems not retaliating so I have a lot of pent up anger, I'm not one for being bullied (although I do realise he can't help it). The independent, kind, gentle, happy man I married is no longer there and it is so many years now since our relationship started changing I can barely remember what is was like.Thank you I know we are just starting the journey into dementia ....and it scares me that I wont be able to handle my own feelings towards my husband ....I have never been blessed with patience, but I am working hard to tell myself that he can't help whats happening to him...I seem to have the knack of making him feel worse than he should.
I want to show my daughters that I can lovingly care for their father.
I feel a very bad person at the moment