Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
I don't know if the rest of you know about this but it may be worth mentioning for anyone in the situation I was in recently.

Having been told my mother was dying I was approached along with dad to be the first patients to use this new procedure called "pathway". I agreed to it as soon as I heard what it entailed.

Basically when you know your loved one is dying pathway is an agreement that you will not allow the doctors or nurses to carry out anymore intrusive tests.
No more blood pressure, blood tests, drips or medications. Basically they keep your loved one very comfortable until the end. I was very glad of this as I had watched my mother suffer terribly the last 3 months but that last 2 weeks was a living nightmare. I agreed to pathway for the last 3 days as that was when we were approached with it. She settled slightly once the tests were stopped. It is very much a last resort but can be stopped immediately if you see any improvement in their condition at all. Unfortunately mum's stage was way beyond that. But I was glad of the opportunity to help her as peacefully as we could to pass over.

I do not cry over the death of my mother, I did most of that when she was still alive, but a terrible anger rages within me. I don't know if this is normal as I've never had a close death before but I wish it would go away, tears I could cope with but anger is a whole new emotion to me. How strange this whole grieving process is, but it's only been just over a week since she found her peace. As mum passed I felt great elation in my heart, I don't know if I was experiencing her joy of release but it was truly wonderful and not at all frightening.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Magic, you describe it so wonderfully. This was similar to what we did for Mum once she came home with the help of the GP, DN's and auxillaries. To have that option in hospital and to allow them to pass with dignity, peaceful and not suffering, that is all any of us could truly wish for another or ourselves is it not? Your anger is natural, with all your Mum and you and your Dad have been through, I would be more surprised if you were not angry quite honestly. Love She. XX


Registered User
May 20, 2003
This happened to my Mum in her Nursing Home -the decision taken between GP & manager - i just wish someone had explained it a little moe to me (I feel a leaflet coming on !) , particularly the physical side of it - what exactly was going to happen- the "dying process" as some call it - in HOmes , they see it all the time - I think they forget its often our first time - especially as Mums health had deteriorated so quickly & I was not aware that suddenly she was so close to death.

so glad you shared this with us Magic - some 4 months after loss of Mum I'm still all mixed up & alternate between anger, a horrible numbness & the joy of no more suffering.

Take care.


Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
Ditto Chris, it's only been a week for me but those are my three prime emotions.

I too had no idea my mother was so close to death as they had a ward meeting the week before to see if I was taking her home. I knew she was incredibly ill but I had no idea how much so, obviously the ward meeting threw me into a million different emotions, it was a cruel nonsense to have to take part in.

This is my first death, I used to be very screamish about it and wouldn't talk or think about it but really, after such terrible suffering it seemed the most natural process in the world. How could I possibly still wish her here when she was in so much pain and turmoil? I already started the grieving process when mum was still alive as do many carers I believe.

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