Passive vs ??

[ceroc46]

Hello all,

I know that compared to a lot of people, my situation isn't nearly as bad as some. However, I'm going to have a moan...

Mum has always been very easy going, anything for a quiet life, etc. she is now so passive , I want to scream! When I visit during the day, she's normally making her noise, which you just cannot get her to stop. I try to visit her in the evenings as she's calmer then. But then she sometimes won't even look at,or acknowledge me. I try and make 'normal' conversation but that's a non starter. Sometimes, while I'm being'ignored' she'll call out and smile or acknowledge one of the carers, and then look at me as if to say ' there then'.

I know it's not her normal self . I sometimes wish that she would talk nonsense or even argue, so that we'd have some interaction. I get so cross and frustrated and guilty, etc.
Then I say I'll stay away for a couple of days, but then count the hours til I go to visit her the next day.

Thanks for reading. And breathe!

 

[Gulshan]

provoke a conversation, then ask her calmly.. did you try this ? For eg., spill coffee or something like that in front of her that appears accidental or do something odd where you know she will say something. Then engage and ask " mum, i have been noticing that you have been ignoring me lately, are you mad at something I did.... etc" Good luck

 

[halojones]

Hello ceroc, I think you may get some replies telling you to count your blessings...some folks have an absolute nightmare with this illness, where people don't stop repeating the same thing over and over again....! My mum is very quiet and keeps making funny gutteral noises a lot, which sometimes really get on my nerves..when it does I just go out for a while,have a break..A lot of it is the communication side of the brain is damaged, so it is shut down, and then it is more about body language and emotions...maybe your mum is looking at you to see how your body language is..? For me, what was my mums negative points growing up are now her positive points..quiet,unemotional, introverted...I know someone who was a total extrovert and when he got I'll, well he was an absolute nightmare...! Also, our mums could change very quickly with the illness, so again,I appreciate mums quietness...I I find my mum is much more chatty/fun when we play cards,or dominos, play music,maybe try and engage her that way....I think the irritation and upset on our part as carers is part of the deal, I am sorry to say..I hope you feel a bit better for having a moan!! take care