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Partner still wants to drive against advice.

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
323
What needs to be remembered is that dementia generally progresses and gets worse. Even if the PWD is fit to drive now, action has to be taken before, not when, deterioration in health makes the PWD a danger to the public and themselves. So "I am currently a good driver" is not a good enough reason to stay behind the wheel.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,209
Dorset
Countryboy, I understand your defence of the right of people diagnosed with dementia to continue driving all the while they are capable and SAFE to handle a vehicle. Sadly most of the people posting here are already concerned about the ability of their PWD to drive safely. The Banjoman could physically drive his car but was getting lost when driving to my house despite having done the 15 minute journey for fifteen years.
On one occasion he was to follow me to a venue that we had visited 20+ times before and which involved driving along one main road. I pulled out into the traffic expecting him to follow in the next gap, which he did (I saw in my rear view mirror). Then I thought I saw him turn off so when I arrived at the turn off for the venue I pulled off the road and waited for him. It was nearly ten minutes before he arrived, apparently oblivious to the fact that he had made a detour somewhere. I still have no idea where he got to!
This is the stage when friends and family start to get concerned about someone’s driving ability even before they have a diagnosis of dementia, let alone afterwards and especially if they have been told by a clinician that they should stop driving.
As has been said of so many PWD, they do not recognise or understand, and cannot accept the loss of their abilities whether it is cooking, personal care or driving a car safely. It seems that you have been spared the loss of these mental functions for more years than the majority of people with dementia (and I am happy for you that this is so) but it cannot be ignored that for a large number of those diagnosed with dementia the action of the disease on their mental abilities affects their capability to get behind the wheel of a car and drive it safely.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,487
Cornwall
Simple Answer if your in doubt

Assessment and staying on the road

Having a driving assessment can help reassure you, and those around you, that you’re a safe driver.

Driving assessment


The thought of having a driving assessment at a mobility centre can be off-putting. You might feel you don’t need one or feel anxious about having an assessment, but there’s really nothing to worry about. It’s not a test, and there’s no ‘pass’ or ‘fail’. Actually, it could help you stay driving safely for longer, and even help you try out adaptations that work for you.

The aim of the assessment is to make sure you and others on the road are as safe as possible, to get you any support you might need, and to help you feel confident again in your driving skills and ability.

But you might also decide that you could benefit from a driving assessment to help you regain confidence in your driving and get advice on how to remain driving for longer. It’s also a good opportunity to check whether you should still be driving if you’re starting to feel unsure behind the wheel.

The most likely reason for a driving assessment is because the DVLA has suggested you take one, usually following the development of a medical condition.

What does the assessment involve?

The driving ability assessment includes:
  • a physical assessment to see if you can move your arms and legs easily and operate a car’s pedals and other controls
  • a cognitive assessment to check your thinking skills
  • a visual assessment to check your eyesight
  • an on-road driving assessment in a dual-controlled car.
If you have a condition or disability that might be affecting your driving, the trained staff at the mobility centre can assess how your condition or disability affects your driving and look at how you could keep driving safely.
 

Utrinque

New member
Sep 24, 2020
5
Hi Jan

From what you say, it seems that you were in an abusive or controlling relationship before your partner developed dementia. His condition has apparently compounded this problem.

For whatever reasons - and I am sure they were decent and honourable - you have stayed with your partner in spite of his controlling behaviour. Please understand that you do not have to put up with this. Even though your partner may have lost the capacity to make decisions as a result of his dementia, if you feel that your relationship has come to an end, it is still possible to get divorced or legally separated. More pressingly, as others have suggested, for your own good and for his, it might be time for him to go into care.

My father has dementia and I am his carer. When my brother and I decided that Dad was no longer safe to drive, we just explained this to him and he was fine about it. He has lost the capacity to make most of his own decisions now, but we are thankful that his good nature has not deserted him.

I hope that you will soon get more practical support and then manage to get your life back on an even keel. Take care.
 
Last edited:

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,337
Simple Answer if your in doubt

Assessment and staying on the road

Having a driving assessment can help reassure you, and those around you, that you’re a safe driver.

Driving assessment


The thought of having a driving assessment at a mobility centre can be off-putting. You might feel you don’t need one or feel anxious about having an assessment, but there’s really nothing to worry about. It’s not a test, and there’s no ‘pass’ or ‘fail’. Actually, it could help you stay driving safely for longer, and even help you try out adaptations that work for you.

The aim of the assessment is to make sure you and others on the road are as safe as possible, to get you any support you might need, and to help you feel confident again in your driving skills and ability.

But you might also decide that you could benefit from a driving assessment to help you regain confidence in your driving and get advice on how to remain driving for longer. It’s also a good opportunity to check whether you should still be driving if you’re starting to feel unsure behind the wheel.

The most likely reason for a driving assessment is because the DVLA has suggested you take one, usually following the development of a medical condition.

What does the assessment involve?

The driving ability assessment includes:
  • a physical assessment to see if you can move your arms and legs easily and operate a car’s pedals and other controls
  • a cognitive assessment to check your thinking skills
  • a visual assessment to check your eyesight
  • an on-road driving assessment in a dual-controlled car.
If you have a condition or disability that might be affecting your driving, the trained staff at the mobility centre can assess how your condition or disability affects your driving and look at how you could keep driving safely.
The big question to be answered is.
How do you stop someone from driving, when their driving has been assessed to be unsafe?
Granted, an unofficial (family) assessment is different to a "Driving Test" assessment, but the problem is still the same, an accident waiting to happen.

Bod
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,310
Yorkshire
hi @Jan Di , and @Utrinque
just to offer some info re finances
should your husband move into a care home, if you own your home it is disregarded in the financial assessment re care fees as long as you continue to live there .... and fees are paid only from your husband's income and savings including half of any joint savings ... half of any private pension he has can be paid to you
I mention this so, should you be considering your options, you are aware of how you would stand