Partner in hospital

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
0
Staffordshire
I've not posted for ages and a lot has happened.
Friday before Christmas I took my partner in for a weeks respite so I could go away to see my sons. I rang the care home before leaving on Saturday to find that OH had been taken into hospital!!!!!!!!! He had been very sleepy but nothing obvious. Decided he was in the best place so I went off. Some of you might think that sounds cruel but I badly needed this break, and there was nothing I could do.

When I rang the hospital he had been taken in with a chest infection and his Sats were 80, that is a bit low.
On my return home I went to see him. He looked awful. He was on oxygen, (had been on a mask, but pulled that off). Had been on IV fluids and IV antibiotics, but he pulled the canula out. His Sats were improving. He had had pneumonia, mildly, remembered days later we had both had pneumonia jabs years ago.

Today he did look a bit better and nurse told me he has a cardiac problem (don't think they know what yet). For ages now I thought there was something wrong, either heart or lungs, as he was getting breathless after a few steps.

He has now been there nearly two weeks so he will be weaker than ever. I don't think they have had him out of bed hardly. I certainly cannot cope with him at home unless he can stand and take a few steps. Until now I have not had help to get him up, washed and dressed. He needs help with doing all those things. At the moment I feel very low dreading what the future holds.

On a positive note he did recognise me today, he was more awake. They had put him back on a canula as he was not drinking enough fluids, he did seem less confused.

I've been home a week on my own but can't get motivated to do the things I can't normally do. I seem to have wasted my opportunity.
Well at least I can sleep undisturbed. Wishing you all a peaceful night.
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
Sounds so like my husband 6 months ago / hospitals here are very poor at dementia- need to get him moving - a push chair - wheel chair to start - is there no extra help you can get to visit him- my husband had pneumonia then heart attack in Hospital - took 10 days to get him home -
All the best - see and go what’s right for you !! MJoy
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I've not posted for ages and a lot has happened.
Friday before Christmas I took my partner in for a weeks respite so I could go away to see my sons. I rang the care home before leaving on Saturday to find that OH had been taken into hospital!!!!!!!!! He had been very sleepy but nothing obvious. Decided he was in the best place so I went off. Some of you might think that sounds cruel but I badly needed this break, and there was nothing I could do.

When I rang the hospital he had been taken in with a chest infection and his Sats were 80, that is a bit low.
On my return home I went to see him. He looked awful. He was on oxygen, (had been on a mask, but pulled that off). Had been on IV fluids and IV antibiotics, but he pulled the canula out. His Sats were improving. He had had pneumonia, mildly, remembered days later we had both had pneumonia jabs years ago.

Today he did look a bit better and nurse told me he has a cardiac problem (don't think they know what yet). For ages now I thought there was something wrong, either heart or lungs, as he was getting breathless after a few steps.

He has now been there nearly two weeks so he will be weaker than ever. I don't think they have had him out of bed hardly. I certainly cannot cope with him at home unless he can stand and take a few steps. Until now I have not had help to get him up, washed and dressed. He needs help with doing all those things. At the moment I feel very low dreading what the future holds.

On a positive note he did recognise me today, he was more awake. They had put him back on a canula as he was not drinking enough fluids, he did seem less confused.

I've been home a week on my own but can't get motivated to do the things I can't normally do. I seem to have wasted my opportunity.
Well at least I can sleep undisturbed. Wishing you all a peaceful night.
You haven't wasted your opportunity even if you feel you havent felt motivated to do much which is understandable feeling in limbo with OH in hospital....you have managed to get some much needed valuable undisturbed sleep so that's a positive
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
0
Staffordshire
Sounds so like my husband 6 months ago / hospitals here are very poor at dementia- need to get him moving - a push chair - wheel chair to start - is there no extra help you can get to visit him- my husband had pneumonia then heart attack in Hospital - took 10 days to get him home -
All the best - see and go what’s right for you !! MJoy
Thank you for your reply @Mudgee Joy. My partner has had a pacemaker for 6yrs in order to keep his pulse above 60bpm. I also know his own father died of a heart attack at 66, partner now 83.
Must admit the hospital do seem good at dealing with dementia, the main problem is the pressure that the staff are under due to the work load.
Spoke to the manager today at the Day Centre that OH attends twice a week. She said he may be referred for rehabilitation before coming home so they can get him stronger again. That would be really helpful.
I have more get up and go today......defrosting a freezer first.
Thanks everyone for your support, great help.
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
0
Staffordshire
Sadly my partner passed away in hospital on 10th January. I could tell he was deteriorating but was shocked when the doctor told me they were looking at end of care. The day before he died his breathing was very rapid and laboured, and I don't think he realised I was there.
About midday the hospital rang to say he was very poorly, they had moved him off the ward to be on his own. Before I left the house they rang again to say he had passed away. I went to the hospital and saw him within the hour. I am so pleased I went because he was at peace, no suffering, no agitation, no confusion, no restlessness.
The death certificate said it was pneumonia and COPD (not diagnosed before). This would explain his persistent cough, but he had never been a smoker.
I have got to be honest and say that it was a huge relief to me as I was seriously worried how we would have coped and he would not have been happy. He had always been so helpful to me but hated it when he couldn't help me.
I shall miss him. The days feel empty now as I had to do so much for him.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I am so sorry to hear that your very loved OH has passed away and he has been released from his trapped world of dementia and other conditions. I know from being with dad...It is a strange comfort to see them in peace after death and not in the torment the illness causes. Of course you will miss him dreadfully and the days being filled with his needs and your caring but I hope you can at least get a good night's rest now knowing you could not have done any more for him than you did. Thinking of you
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
Sadly my partner passed away in hospital on 10th January. I could tell he was deteriorating but was shocked when the doctor told me they were looking at end of care. The day before he died his breathing was very rapid and laboured, and I don't think he realised I was there.
About midday the hospital rang to say he was very poorly, they had moved him off the ward to be on his own. Before I left the house they rang again to say he had passed away. I went to the hospital and saw him within the hour. I am so pleased I went because he was at peace, no suffering, no agitation, no confusion, no restlessness.
The death certificate said it was pneumonia and COPD (not diagnosed before). This would explain his persistent cough, but he had never been a smoker.
I have got to be honest and say that it was a huge relief to me as I was seriously worried how we would have coped and he would not have been happy. He had always been so helpful to me but hated it when he couldn't help me.
I shall miss him. The days feel empty now as I had to do so much for him.

Yes I would like to add my love and condolences - that’s the sad part as we do our best for our loved ones yet know we must part - take care of yourself and if you can go somewhere nice for a break - I have found in life ‘distance’ like ‘time’ is a healer.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
I'm so sorry to read your news @sajimjo. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.

Please keep visiting TP. I'm sure you'll find it a continuing support.
 

Barlemo

Registered User
Apr 23, 2012
80
0
Sadly my partner passed away in hospital on 10th January. I could tell he was deteriorating but was shocked when the doctor told me they were looking at end of care. The day before he died his breathing was very rapid and laboured, and I don't think he realised I was there.
About midday the hospital rang to say he was very poorly, they had moved him off the ward to be on his own. Before I left the house they rang again to say he had passed away. I went to the hospital and saw him within the hour. I am so pleased I went because he was at peace, no suffering, no agitation, no confusion, no restlessness.
The death certificate said it was pneumonia and COPD (not diagnosed before). This would explain his persistent cough, but he had never been a smoker.
I have got to be honest and say that it was a huge relief to me as I was seriously worried how we would have coped and he would not have been happy. He had always been so helpful to me but hated it when he couldn't help me.
I shall miss him. The days feel empty now as I had to do so much for him.
im so sorry
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
0
Staffordshire
I have just read, twice, all your lovely messages of condolences. They have brought a lump to my throat to receive so many kind thoughts from perfect strangers, I am dumbfounded.
Although they don't live nearby my family have been very supportive but sadly OH has only one sister who is in touch. He does have a daughter but they have not spoken for over 20 yrs, don't even know where she lives.
I certainly am appreciating the rest, quiet undisturbed nights and the chance to go out if I want to. Both my brothers have insisted I get my passport renewed which is years out of date. But it is not the same doing things on your own.
Bless you all for thinking of me. I was fortunate that OH did comply with my requests most of the time and made life easy compared with some of the awful things many of you had, or have to put up with.
If I could send you all some strength and patience I would.
Thank you so much everyone.