1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Pembslass

    Pembslass Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    2
    Hi I've just joined the forum as I could do with sharing experiences that I have with my partner. From reading some of the threads I know I am not alone in my concerns.
    Since October I have been keeping a record of jigs my partner of 5 years does and says. It started with memory but wasn't sure if it was stress so gave him benefit of the doubt. Then he began substituting words such as grid for trellis and iron box for wood burner. He has changed in the last few months from someone I still love but just don't like as he is rude and belligerent when he never used to be.
    He is just 57 but has an awful fear of aging and exhibiting signs of growing old. I know he is aware of his memory lapses which are places we've been or things we've talked about. He is fine with his roman legions and ancient Greece although he is forgetting some dates now.
    I have asked him to see a gp but he says he's going to die anyway so there's no point finding a name for something which will kill you anyway.
    We don't live together so I see the changes in him more easily as it does seem to change so quickly.
    My daughter works with dementia patients as a nurse and has told me that unless he wants to get help there's nothing I can do. He has no close family as he seems to have fallen out with his sons recently too.
    It's tearing me up seeing him changing so rapidly. I know he is aware that he has a problem but he is too scared to face it I think as it would be his worse nightmare come true.
    What can I do or say to help? I don't want to walk away but he hasn't been the man I fell in love with for some months now and I want him back or at least try. Any advice much appreciated x
     
  2. Chrismitch

    Chrismitch Registered User

    Jun 23, 2011
    127
    Hi Pembslass
    None of us is married to the partner we fell for! But only you can decide if you want to devote the next few years caring for your partner who has fallen ill. It's not an easy path. You don't live together. You could walk away. Carers often destroy their own health and happiness in caring for their partners.
    Do keep trying to persuade him to go for tests though. Medication could prolong his life and there may be a cure round the corner. I was on the point of leaving my husband because of his rudeness and 'selfishness' but because he then started to forget things he went for tests and sure enough it was AD. The selfishness is a comfort zone - a part of their life over which they still feel in control. Maybe his sons would be more supportive if they understood that their dad was ill and not just argumentative? But it's a lot easier to care for a sweet frail person than an abusive one.
    Good luck.
     
  3. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    There is nothing I could add to this very sound and honest advice. Give yourself time to make your decision and I hope your partner gets the support he will need from somewhere.
     
  4. Pembslass

    Pembslass Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    2
    Thank you for your kind words. I've spoken with him again today to voice my concerns about his behaviour and he apologised and said it was down to the stress of his boys not sending Christmas and birthday cards. I didn't press the point of the memory loss and using the wrong words as I didn't feel it would achieve anything. Time will tell I guess x
     

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