Partner hiding faeces under mattress and under divan storage.

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by thinwhiteduke, Feb 2, 2015.

  1. thinwhiteduke

    thinwhiteduke Registered User

    Feb 2, 2015
    My first time here and honestly destroyed at the rate of decline in my 55 year old partner. I had to be away for 16 days and had my partner cared for full time by a nurse/friend. The nurse informed that on one occasion my partner had left a faeces on the toilet cistern, and had lost the ability to know how and when to use toilet paper. When I returned the bedroom smelt odd. Two days later I was changing the beds which involves rotating the mattress, to my absolute horror there was faeces wrapped up in lots of toilet paper under the mattress, but I then discovered 8 more in the divan base. I am heartbroken as I wonder if this is a sign of even faster decline, as only just 3 years ago my partner was driving and shopping, now she cannot turn the tv on or make a drink. Any help please!!!!! Going to doctors tomorrow......
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    #2 lin1, Feb 2, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2015
    Hello Thinwhtieduke , Welcome to TP.
    Thankfully I did not encounter this problem with my mum, many on here do though.
    Hopefully they will be along later today .
    I just couldn't read and run without at least acknowledging your post.

    From what I have read on here and other places, some of the reasons are, the person doesn't know what a loo is for and or how to use it, ie to sit on the seat, so they do their best to deal with it and the er evidence is found in strange places
    They may not be able to see the seat as it blend in with the surroundings
    Some on here have found a red toilet seat helped as it stands out more so the person can easily see it

    Sorry not any help I know.

    If you are in the UK Admiral Nurses should be able to help
    I was fortunate to have one in my area, she was a godsend to me.
  3. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Hello Thinwhiteduke and welcome to TP.

    I haven't had exactly the same problem but similar. My husband is 63, diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago. Recently I began to find soiled underwear hidden. A link to this earlier thread is here:

    The problem disappeared after a few weeks and something else came along to take its place, as is often the case with Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, it is now back again and he is having accidents again. I am able to talk to him about it and it is a case of going back to using pads again and keeping it light hearted. Talking about it to him helps, as then he doesn't feel the need to hide things so much.

    I have also had the problem of OH pooing in inappropriate places:

    This has only happened once, thank heavens, almost twice.

    It does seem to be a stage that some sufferers go through and it isn't easy. If you look at this posted by Greylad:

    The 'Toileting' section over on the RHS will reassure you that it can all be part and parcel of the decline.

    Let us know how you get on at the doctors and keep posting; you will gets loads of precious help and reassurance on this forum.

  4. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
  5. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    Thanks Nitram :)
  6. bru123

    bru123 Registered User

    Nov 21, 2011
    I had a similar problem although I was finding used paper n wrapped poo on the side of
    the bath or in it,not hidden exactly,was suggested that maybe she doesn,t know what to do with it & may be to put a bin there,so I got a small pedal next to the loo & this has worked so far,,
  7. Rosie56

    Rosie56 Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    I also find poo on the toilet floor, soiled pads in the bed and in her bag, or just lying round in corners. Dirty knickers are left soaking in bowls and buckets all over the house (Mum seems to have forgotten how to use the washing machine). I haven't found a solution but it does get less horrifying as you get used to the situation.
  8. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    I think people vary in their ability to accept "mess", when it's part of dementia. I try to but can't. It still turns my stomach.
  9. keane

    keane Registered User

    Sep 9, 2005

    I have always found this useful as it describes in detail the various stages of Az. It helped me understand what was happening and what to expect. This helps you think of strategies to cope with such behaviour and also helps you rationalise what is seemingly irrational behaviour. My advice is always to go with the flow and adjust your behaviour not theirs as they are behaving normally for a person with this horrible disease. Get some latex gloves and fabreeze etc. Please don't think I'm being dispassionate I realise how upsetting all of this is but remember just craving practical advice. Xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  10. thinwhiteduke

    thinwhiteduke Registered User

    Feb 2, 2015
    Thank you and sorry!

    I have to say Thank you and Sorry to the people that replied to my post, I don't know why/how I never saw any replies, and by chance came back on here today to see a response from LIN1, so thank you to her and everyone that replied.

    I can say that we never had a repeat of the incident, but the rate of decline in just 2.5 years from diagnosis has been startling and terrifying, and at just 57. The problem now is that my partner doesn't even know if she wants to go to the toilet, and she has started wetting herself and not even knowing she has done it. I ask her very often would you like to go to the toilet and she is very sure she doesn't. In less than 2.5 years she can't say 5 words together and stares out of the window without saying anything. There is no short or long term memory, no matter how gently I try and evoke memories of old, there is just a vacant look. I feel both our lives have been stolen, and trying to find any care respite is proving very difficult.
  11. john51

    john51 Registered User

    Apr 26, 2014
    Dunstable, Bedfordshire
    I love all the support we give each other on TP. The thing I don't like is the view of the future you get from others. I don't seem to have any sensation in my bladder. I go to the toilet regularly and use pads. At present I know what to do and how to clean up. What is to come really frightens me though

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