Parents going into care together?

[snowygirl]

Hi Can anyone tell me if they have had experience of parents going into a care home together?

The time has come(and I can hardly believe I'm writing this)for my dad to go into a care home. We had a meeting yesterday and both SS and the Mental Health team and both recommended dad not go home as he has been in 'assessment' for the past 3 weeks.( We were lead to believe it was respite but that's another story!)

Mum was absolutely distraught yesterday when the news was broken to her and just kept saying she wanted to bring dad home. We are now looking into all the options but are 95% sure dad will not be going home as I don't think even the level of care in the home we were suggesting will be accepted and we really don't want to go through a 'best interests' meeting.

As mum has dementia too(but not as far down the line as dad) we were wondering about the two of them going together somewhere if mum wanted to although again we are not sure if she would leave her home yet even for dad. WE don't want to mention it until we have explored further.

Has anyone had experience of this?

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Snowygirl
I haven't personally had to face this but when I went round looking at care homes there were some that had large double rooms and one did have a couple in a double room together so it isn't unheard of.
I would search a list of homes near you and call them - you don't know until you ask.
Or maybe they could have ajoining rooms (which may actually end up being better as their stay lengthens) - this is the case with a couple in dad's care home.

 

[Bessieb]

Hi Snowygirl
My parents went into a CH together in July. Both have AZ and the move into a CH was triggered by a month long hospital stay for my Father during which his AZ deteriorated. They have been in a CH for 2 months now and it's been a bit rocky but I do think it was the best thing for them both to go together.
It can be tricky finding somewhere that takes couples. It really needs to be the first question when you phone the CH. I was lucky and found somewhere near to me that has lovely couples suites. There are a number of couples there and my parents firmly believe they are on holiday (probably having been to similar 'hotel' environments in the past).
I would point out all the benefits to your Mum - and there are many - no cooking, cleaning, caring, activities. It's probably the change that is understandably distressing her but I think once she experiences the reality of a lovely CH she might feel very differently .

Good luck with it all

 

[snowygirl]

Thank you for your replies. We haven't yet mentioned this to mum as she's still trying to grasp the information that dad is really ill and needs to be looked after. What you've said is useful though and it seems it can work so that's good.

 

[Grannie G]

I would certainly try to get your parents in a home together snowygirl.