Parent wanting to go back to old house

Voodoo75

New member
Jan 26, 2020
3
Hi I'm new on here and am seeking advice. My mum has dementia but I feel she is not ready to go into a care home as she is as much herself as not. We do have a care plan but the problem we are having is mum going for walks to her old house which she no longer lives and hasn't done for many years and knocking on the door, the residents have threatened police which we don't want to be hearing, is there any advice that anyone can give me and my wife to try and stop her doing this?
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,345
Bristol
Welcome to the forum @Voodoo75. It's not a problem I have had to deal with, but sounds stressful and full of worry especially if the people in your mum's old house are so upset.
We had a sensor linked to a speaker at our old house which meant my partner could hear a recording of my voice telling her she was going the wrong way if she went up the stairs. Would something like that warn you when your mum goes out? The other suggestion would be extra care housing where there would be care staff on hand to keep an eye on her if she wanted to go out without the restrictions of being in a care home.
There's always someone around with better ideas, so keep reading and posting.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,053
You can get a linkline system (some councils provide this free) which has a sensor on the door and is linked to the phone line, so if you mother opens the door an operator will be alerted and will ring to ask her to come back inside. There is no knowing how she would react to that - she might obey, or ignore it. If she ignores it and sets off, there needs to be a named person nearby for the operator to contact - someone who is willing to drop everything even at 2am in order to go and find her.

However once someone reaches this stage, they are probably ready for a care home because they need supervision 24/7. It was the main deciding factor in moving my mother from home care to a care home. Care homes aren't necessarily just for someone right at the end of the illness. My mother moved to her CH two years ago, and she's happy there - there is always someone there to reassure and help her.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,150
Hi I'm new on here and am seeking advice. My mum has dementia but I feel she is not ready to go into a care home as she is as much herself as not. We do have a care plan but the problem we are having is mum going for walks to her old house which she no longer lives and hasn't done for many years and knocking on the door, the residents have threatened police which we don't want to be hearing, is there any advice that anyone can give me and my wife to try and stop her doing this?
My old neighbour behaved like this. She developed vascular dementia and her daughter moved her to live nearer to her, about 15 miles away . The neighbour would leave her new property, get on a bus and arrive at the old house ,causing a nuisance. The new residents called police, who collected her. I called the daughter to let her know. This had the effect of notifying social services, of course, who ,according to the daughter, wanted to know what was in place to keep her safe .

Eventually the neighbour had to go into full time care because that was the only option . Once the person with dementia gets to this stage, they need 24/7 supervision. I think your mum needs a care home, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but you're just putting off the inevitable. I take it that your mum is living on her own
 

Voodoo75

New member
Jan 26, 2020
3
Thankyou for your responses. She does still live with her husband who does find it hard to cope but is trying. We also have care plan in place but with carers going in she has seemed to have worked out that while the carers are there she behaves and then when they leave she then Goes out.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
843
@Voodoo75 , that is tricky. I guess your mother is causing a scene when she gets to her old house. My mother didn't do that, but once she believed something was true, such as the neighbours coming in and stealing her clothes you couldn't convince her otherwise.
Maybe talk to her husband and see what he thinks, though I do think a home is going to be needed sooner rather than later.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,053
As she lives with her husband, can he not prevent her from getting out by locking the door?
There is no point having a linkline type monitoring system, as if she won't listen to her husband, she won't obey a linkline operator.
If her husband feels he can no longer cope (which would be understandable) the answer is a care home.
 

Voodoo75

New member
Jan 26, 2020
3
We've been advised not to lock the door as we've been informed it's not allowed. We've been told if she needs to go then let her.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
3,792
Nottinghamshire
I know it’s frowned on to lock a PWD in a house on their own in case of fire but I imagine many people lock the door to keep their loved one safe from wandering and getting into trouble. Whoever gave you this advice @Voodoo75 doesn't have a clue about living with dementia. How could they prove you were locking her in rather than just locking the door?