1. barracott

    barracott Registered User

    May 4, 2016
    2
    Hi, i am 62, mum in hospital been diagnosed with later stage dementia, she hasnt been told and not sure it would make any difference but she is so frightened when she tries to sleep and sees bad things, all she wants is me beside her which i am happy to do in the day but i have to leave her at night, how do you all cope
     
  2. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,125
    eastern USA
    Hello. I'm sorry. Can you find someone who might stay with her one or two nights a week, perhaps?

    In my mother's last months (she lived and died in my home), I took to using a laptop with a soothing video, 10 hours long, of ocean waves. When she awoke, she could watch the video and it soothed her. It was on the web, so I didn't have to buy it, but if your mother doesn't have internet service, you might also buy such a thing and leave it on a laptop for her, or put on some soothing music. These things might help. Sometimes leaving lights on helped my mother, too. But many nights I just slept on the couch in her room, and if she stirred, I was there to go hold her hand.

    I'm sorry. These are hard times for her. How loving of you to go help her cope.
     
  3. barracott

    barracott Registered User

    May 4, 2016
    2
    thank you for replying, she is in hospital right now and has lived with me for 4 years, would like to think she can live here again but cant get her to bathroom or out of bed on my own and she goes several times a night, with cracked ribs (after a fall) she needs at least two people to assist her, we will have discussions as to what sort of care she should have tomorrow, if she wasnt so scared i would be able to sleep better when i am away from her. Wonder if there is any medication that can calm her
     
  4. mot

    mot Registered User

    May 4, 2016
    73
    USA
    Also have mom who is in distress

    Hello, so sorry to read about your mom's anxiety. Dementia is horrible and it is devastating to watch someone you love just melt before your eyes and there is nothing that we can do!! I feel your anguish and it IS comforting to know you are not alone - at least it is for me. So glad I discovered Talking Point.

    I live in the US and my mom was recently diagnosed with multi farct dementia. It has been going on for years, but just escalated at a frightening pace after she fell about a month ago. Since that time, it has been an agonizing, daily ordeal.

    The tiny strokes have caused her dementia and the last one has resulted in panic attacks, irritation, fear of being alone and so many other unsettling behaviors. I would say her dementia is moderate to severe.

    The most frustrating, gut wrenching feeling is when she phones me and begs me to "check her out of there and take her home"!!!! She has used every manipulative technique to try to get me to do what she wants. Sometimes I wonder how someone with dementia can come up with some of the schemes that she does, but the brain and how it works is complicated!!! It has to be terrifying to wake up and not know where you are.... or remember where the dining hall is. My heart aches for her.

    She lives in a beautiful retirement community that she picked out nine years ago after my step father died. I thought she was happy. However, after this last mini stroke she declares on a daily basis that she doesn't want to live there, she wants to go home or come home with me. One day she called me over 20 times begging and pleading with me. I go visit as often as I can, but cannot go every day.

    I live in a two story home and all bedrooms are up. Even nine years ago, she fell down the stairs while staying here until I got her apartment ready. I cannot bring her here to live.

    In 2012, I employed a Stay at Home company to help her with things. Since then, I've had to add more and more services until finally she has their total care package. The next level of care will be a facility of some sort. Either a memory care facility or nursing home. It is almost more than I can bare!

    How do you respond to someone you love when they are begging and pleading for you to help them? It's like I'm supposed to have this magic wand and I have all the power to make her world better. I don't know how to respond and help her. We have adjusted meds and sometimes they help, but it still is a daily ordeal!!

    What to others of you do? Glad for any and all input or suggestions!

    Thanks,

    Mot
     
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,732
    It might be worth asking if the palliative care team can help - if there isn't one in the hospital available then speak to your local hospice. I agree with previous poster that there must be some medication which would help her to be calm - it must be frightening for her to feel this way x
     

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