Panic setting in

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire
Mum has been in a secure psychiatric unit for 3 1/2 weeks, I was apprehensive at first but it is a fantastic unit, full of love and activity, and she is not at all unhappy except of course she wants to go home. I am told she has been no problem as a patient, well I didn't think she would be, she is a very mild and compliant lady. I was a bit moaning that I never saw the consultant psychiatrist and was told that I probably wouldn't see her until "a decision needed to be made". Well, I got a phone call this morning (yes, Sunday) to say that she wanted me to attend a session on Wednesday afternoon, so I am now all of a shake. Why does she want to see me? Mum knows about this and is now accusing me of having seen the consultant without her, which is not true, and insisting that she sees the consultant with me on Wednesday. I have told her that we have to do what the consultant says, be guided by her, but mum is agitated that she might be sidelined. I won't sideline her, but she is difficult to explain things to.

Anyway, apart from that, I am scared to death as to why I have been summoned to the headmaster's office - sorry, consultant's meeting! What decision is likely to be on the cards? That mum can go home after weeks of wandering around at night, not knowing what day it is, ringing people in the middle of the night. Has that suddenly been cured with 3 weeks in hospital? Or is the consultant going to tell me that mum is not going to improve and I should look for a care home for her? Both of which are scary to me. I am frightened to death, never been so frightened in my life, even the big dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach in 1966 didn't do this to me. I just screamed and it was okay in 3 minutes.

I know you can't tell me what the consultant is going to say, but please just reassure me that whatever it is there will be ways of coping. Oh, crikey, I am suddenly a wreck.



Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Take a deep breath Margaret W...:) If it's anything like the sessions we attended when Mum was in the secure unit, it will be to get your input to the process and an update on progress etc. But if you have any queries for the team that you want answering, write them down , you're less likely to forget them then.

Good luck and take care

PS. A nurse once told me that the consultants still need to go to the 'loo' like the rest of us :D

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Margaret.

As I read your post, my thoughts were just the same as May`s.

Stop. Take a deep breath. Think of the worst scenario, and write down as much as you can in support of your mother needing care.

Let the consultant speak, [why do I get the feeling you might not? sorry ;) ] and then you will know what you need to respond to.

The consultant is not going to put your mum at risk. She is not going to demand from you, what you are unable to give.

You don`t have too long to wait. I hope it goes well for you and your mum, and you`ll let us know that your `shakes` were unnecessary.

Love xx


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Margaret

It is natural that you should be worried about the why of the meeting.

You said above that you have not yet met the consultant. Perhaps this is going to be an introducing of all parties to the present situation.

I had such a meeting when Jan had been in on assessment and it was clear [to all except me] that we needed to move a good few steps onward. In their view I was the one who needed to recalibrate my views as, at that time, I was confident Jan would be coming home with me.

I was quickly brought down to earth, unfortunately.

Hospital staff, the consultant, the social services and my own GP [there to make sure I could cope] were all at the meeting. At the end of the meeting, the consultant was gone [it was the first time I met her and she was diabolically unfeeling, so she needed to be replaced or I'd have come to blows :eek: ], and I started the process of moving on in what i believed Jan needed.

Just take the meeting as it comes, and react accordingly.


Registered User
Apr 29, 2007
Good Luck for the Meeting

Hello Margaret

Dad is currently in an assessment centre & I posted previously under the heading "difficult meeting".

All I can say is be prepared & don't be "phased". Take notes with you - to prompt you (I left a copy with the consultant as a record of "our side of things") Just list points you wish to raise & questions you would like answers to. Make notes of anything important that is discussed e.g any progress, change of meds, envisaged time-scales, consultants recommendations etc.. etc..

Above all - having been through 3 of these meetings now (with the 4th one looming) the best advice I can offer is that whatever is discussed during the meeting- do not be forced into making any important decisions there and then. Tell the consultant that you need time to consider what has been discussed, or need to discuss it with other family members, CPN, Social Worker, GP or any other person you may have "up your sleeve".

Also be prepared for the consultant to have other "health professionals" present at the meeting . Our experience has been that there have been several other people there - which came as a bit of a shock at the first one. Few actually spoke during the meeting (not even to introduce themselves - how very rude!) and it transpired that several had not even met my Dad (so what they were supposed to contribute I will never know!)

Is there anyone that can come with you to the meeting - 2 heads are often better than one for remembering exactly what was said.

Don't panic! Be strong - you are doing this for your Mum & you can do it!

Good Luck for Wednesday & please let us know how it goes.

Thinking of you

Gill x

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire

I have met the consultant twice before, I am very impressed with her attitude (only criticism is she is apparently coping with an enormous caseload, so any questions I have obviously need to go to nursing staff rather than her - apart from these meetings), in fact am very impressed with everyone's attitude, just feel out of control. I shouldn't have referred to it as the Headmaster's Office! I am learning that there is no "control" with Alzheimers, something I find hard to accept, but will accept it.

I think I am a bit of a control freak, I need to calm down and accept the time that this all takes. I am a person who wants answers, and there aren't any. In fact, I realise I have inherited my mother's trait of impatience and need to get rid of it for a while.

Oh, thanks everybody for just listening and adding your own experiences and thoughts.

I am usually quite a calm and organised person, but it seems nowadays that every now and again I panic. Bear with me.

Love to all



Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
Hello Margaret

Good luck tomorrow. Remember you are meeting a consultant and not the gestapo - she is a professional like yourself and you will be meeting her on equal terms.

Let us know how you get on.