Hi. My mum has had dementia for 8 years and the last 4 years she has depended on carers and family for personal care and everything. On the 24.8.17 she was rushed to hospital for a suspected stoke. She had a CT scan and they found several blood clots on the brain. So an operation was not a option. So palliative care was offered. She has been in a nursing home for 6 weeks. Not eating or drinking very much. She sleeps a lot and is not very vocal. When she was home she had a lot of anxiety about being left alone. And now she just sleep all day. She is 84 and diabetic and has high blood pressure. But since August her sugar levels are low and her BP ok. I just can't believe she is still with us. Some days she is ok and other days she is in so much pain and they give her morphine. She hallucinating and seeing a lot of small children around her. They say she is not end of life but needs palliative care. She has been in bed since August 2017. Unsure how long my heart can take the pain she may be suffering I sit was her everyday for 3 to 4. I want her here forever but cannot bear the suffering she is going through.
Palliative Care
- Thread starter Jkaur
- Start date
Hello @Jkaur and welcome to talking Point.
Dementia can be a roller coaster, especially in the late stages. In her final year mum had pneumonia, a stroke, numerous infections and finally broke her hip. I could not believe the number of times she bounced back after doctors had warned me that I was probably looking at the end. As you say, you wonder how long they (and you) can go on.
Try and find some time for you in with all of this
((((hugs))))
Dementia can be a roller coaster, especially in the late stages. In her final year mum had pneumonia, a stroke, numerous infections and finally broke her hip. I could not believe the number of times she bounced back after doctors had warned me that I was probably looking at the end. As you say, you wonder how long they (and you) can go on.
Try and find some time for you in with all of this
((((hugs))))
Hello there Jkaur and welcome
My lovely mum has been immobile now for over a year and barely opens her eyes. Whilst she has to be fed now she still has a good appertite so like you I sit and wait. I go in 4/5 times a week to feed her lunch and just sit holding her hand. The pain seeing someone you love dearly slip slowly away from you is dreadful but we do keep going don't we. Please take care of yourself because Im sure your mum wouldn't want any harm to come to you.
))))Big big big hugs((((( for support xx
My lovely mum has been immobile now for over a year and barely opens her eyes. Whilst she has to be fed now she still has a good appertite so like you I sit and wait. I go in 4/5 times a week to feed her lunch and just sit holding her hand. The pain seeing someone you love dearly slip slowly away from you is dreadful but we do keep going don't we. Please take care of yourself because Im sure your mum wouldn't want any harm to come to you.
))))Big big big hugs((((( for support xx
Mum has not eaten now 5 days. Drinking a little bit but not a lot. Sleeping alot and when she wakes she is hallucinating and saying her mother is laying next to her. It's very upsetting and comforting at the same time. No bowel movement and little urine output. But care home say that this is normal and she does not need food as she is not needing the energy cos she is in bed. A bit worrying she may not need food but everyone gets thirsty and hungry. And they keep giving her medication. It's very confusing.....
Hi JKaour,
What a horrible situation for you! I know it is so hard to see a loved one suffer and agonising to watch them deteriorate.
Towards the end of life the body starts to shut down and cannot process food or fluids. Not only might the PWD (person with dementia) not feel thirsty, they can sometimes actively refuse even sips of fluid. This is so hard to see even though it is a natural process. I'm afraid people can sometimes go on like this for a long time, so please make sure you take good care of yourself.
What a horrible situation for you! I know it is so hard to see a loved one suffer and agonising to watch them deteriorate.
Towards the end of life the body starts to shut down and cannot process food or fluids. Not only might the PWD (person with dementia) not feel thirsty, they can sometimes actively refuse even sips of fluid. This is so hard to see even though it is a natural process. I'm afraid people can sometimes go on like this for a long time, so please make sure you take good care of yourself.
Hi JKouar
I so sympathise with what you are going through with your mum. My lovely mum is too on end of life care and has not eaten for some weeks, just the odd bit of chocolate that I bring in for her, as she has just lost interest in eating and her swallowing reflex seems to be deteriorating. She is drinking some fluids including complan which I think is progressing her life. She sleeps the majority of the time and I visit daily but just sit with her holding her hand or stroking her head. That is all we can do now, it is a waiting game isn’t it. Like Slugsta says this process can go on for sometime but it is so heartbreaking too see them suffer that I wish mum would now pass peacefully and end this awful struggle.
I so sympathise with what you are going through with your mum. My lovely mum is too on end of life care and has not eaten for some weeks, just the odd bit of chocolate that I bring in for her, as she has just lost interest in eating and her swallowing reflex seems to be deteriorating. She is drinking some fluids including complan which I think is progressing her life. She sleeps the majority of the time and I visit daily but just sit with her holding her hand or stroking her head. That is all we can do now, it is a waiting game isn’t it. Like Slugsta says this process can go on for sometime but it is so heartbreaking too see them suffer that I wish mum would now pass peacefully and end this awful struggle.
I feel your pain I visit every day try to give her dinner but she is not interested. She more worried that someone is in the window and in her bed. I have been here since 3 and she has had nothing to drink. I cannot understand why GOD makes his so called children suffer.
It seems so unfair, doesn't it?
I must admit I often asked myself that question. Never found an answer but it does seem as if fo whatever reason many of our LOs do seem to have a long, lingering end, which is so painful to watch,
Yes I repeatedly ask myself why us? What has my lovely, caring mum done to deserve this awful illness. It is so unfair. We all wish that we could end our lives happy and peaceful but hey ho life can be “a you know what” at times.
It's so very hard for you, @Jkaur . I'm sure you will understand when I say that I hope your mum will soon be at peace.
Thanks....I pray everyday and hope she will be at peace soon...today was a hard day with her.
