1. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    297
    Hi all.i recently lost my dear beautiful mum in January after 12 long years with vascular dementia..the last year was very horrific..as mum was deemed end of life in april 2018..i suffered from anticipation grief for so so long..did mum took her final breath in January this year..as far a deaths go mums was peaceful once sygrine driver was in place..all off us plus grandchildren were with her and we sang patsy cline... i wrote the eulogy for mum and amazed myself that i was able to read it..x i have been off work for 4 months and resumed this week as i feel i need to get back to normal..however the pain i have in my heart is constant and i miss mum so so much..i also feel lonely and sad..yet i have got an amazing large family!!..i thought naively as i grieve for mum so much whilst she was alive..as wouldnt be this bad....my mum was a huge factor in my life and she was also my best friend!!..x
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,921
    N Ireland
    Grief is experienced in an individual way. Try to be easy with yourself.

    I wish you strength.
     
  3. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,540
    south-east London
    Oh @Baby Bunty , it is such a difficult time for you, I wish I could do something to lessen the heartache.

    When I lost my husband last summer I contacted the bereavement group, Cruse, and it has helped me a lot just being able to talk things through with others in my area, whether it be counsellors or people like us, who are going through different bereavements.

    People handle grief in different ways, and I know from my own experience that some definitely need that 1:1 support, while others like me, cope better as part of a group.

    Do not be hard on yourself. It will take as long as it takes. Losing a parent is a massive loss, they have been our foundation since the day we were born and they knew us better than we knew ourselves in some cases. It is a massive gap to fill.

    Some days it will feel like progress has been made and other days we will find ourselves right back to where we started. All we can do is take things day by day and hope for better days ahead - and they will come in time :)
     
  4. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    297
    Thankyou all for replys..some days i am so so..but others days my heart aches..x i watched the dementia choir on catch up tonight..and i was literally sobbing..!!..really like i have lost my spark and i light as gone off inside me..xx
     
  5. Karen22

    Karen22 Registered User

    Nov 3, 2012
    68
    My dad died in hospital on Wednesday morning and I thought I would feel relief as the past few years have been so tough with him in and out of hospital and being told he would die on numerous occasions. Instead, I feel bereft even though my relationship with him wasn't as close or as easy as the one with my mum (who died in 2014). I question myself and what I could have done differently, and have a few regrets. I did my best and have pushed myself far harder than I should (as I am unwell myself) and yet I still feel guilty and as if I should have done more. I tried to keep him out of hospital for a few days so that the nursing home could give him antibiotics rather than let him be taken to hospital, and I'm questioning what would happen if I had let them take him. Lots of thoughts, grief and distress. I have felt totally responsible for dad as had POA for him and yet wasn't close to him and didn't get much back from him, even when the dementia worsened. I just feel in a mess.
    Karen
     
  6. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,978
    Female
    East Midlands
    Ah @Baby Bunty I am sure you will look back eventually & remember your mum in the best ways but up till then, the path is scary. I feel alone without my mum too. When we got on then we got on really well & I remember those times now & wish I could turn the clock back - this was pre dementia of course but a lot of the time then my mum & I did not see eye to eye & things were difficult between us but I kind of even miss that as well. At least she was my mum & she was still there for me xx
     
  7. Ksaray

    Ksaray New member

    May 12, 2019
    4
    Hi Lynne

    (( hugs)) I lost my mum in January too ..10yrs post diagnosis.

    You think it will be a lil bit easier..after everything else. But it's hard only just beginning to come to terms with it ..tonight ..4 months later.
    I totally understand how you feel. Wishing you love & profound peace .
    K x x
     
  8. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    394
    Sheffield
    My OH’s cousin died in August and we both miss her so much. She was 100 years old but didn’t look it and didn’t have dementia. She lived near us and we went to see her 3 or 4 times a week.

    She was someone we could talk to about anything and company for us. It’s a left a big hole in our lives!

    My OH could be nasty to her at times because of the vascular dementia but she mostly understood. In the stages she was arguing with him as I was too. But when he started taking mementine he became much less argumentative.
     
  9. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    259
    Hi Babybunty,im still on this long journey with my mum ,and going through the living grief sending ((hugs))) and hoping things will get a little easier for you take care xxx
     

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