Pacing up and down etc.......

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by edie, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. edie

    edie Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    12
    Hello, I am wondering what anyone has been successful with or knows how to cope with this.... my husband continually paces up and down, around and around. If I get up from the settee, almost immediately so does he and joins me say in the kitchen, preparing meals etc. He just seems to follow me everywhere, I realise he can't help it but I would like to know how anyone else has coped with this.
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Hi Edie,
    Yes, that can be quite disconcerting, can't it? I don't have a lot of personal experience, as my mother was more into exit-seeking and beating up other residents & staff.

    What you will need more than anything else is the largest stock of patience you can gather. It's impossible to stop some behaviours & very difficult to deflect them. It can be so hard on the nerves too. Just keep telling yourself it's the disease, and not your husband.

    Your husband probably feels very insecure out of your presence so you might as well take it as a compliment:). It will eventually pass.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    Hello Edie,

    When my husband follows me into the kitchen, I sit him at the table with the most simple task I have to do. He will cut up cauliflower or brocolli and it takes him as long to do it as it takes me to do everything else.

    But that`s OK as we both finish at the same time.

    Following you around the house is more difficult to manage. I usually suggest a CD or DVD but if they don`t work, I just sit with him and read the paper to him or do a crossword.
     
  4. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Edie,

    It's a bit like having a toddler around your feet, isn't it? But it must be wearing for you.

    My husband doesn't follow me round..he just sits in his chair and shouts me!!

    When I go to him he says.."I just want you here"
    When I go out he apparently is worrying about when I will return.If he falls asleep I don't like to be too far away as I know when he wakes up he'll be frightened and need reassurance.
    We seem to be moving into a new phase..probably like you..

    Others have suggested diversions..try it..it's all a case of trial and error..
    There's a wealth of support here on TP..stay with it and keep posting..
    Support is our mainstay!!

    Love Gigi xx
     
  5. kiytyn

    kiytyn Registered User

    Mar 7, 2008
    16
    ramsey, isle of man
    hi edie
    i know this can be very frustrating, my mum did the same thing for a while (nearly 3yrs). i found i had to be super patient.
    like sylvia suggested i tried simple tasks so that mum could share my space, or distractions like the tv or a dvd. with dad gone i think mum was feeling lonely and craving any kind of company when she did this. it's only human.
    good luck and hugs
    emma
     
  6. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    400
    Scotland
    My husband used to do that as well. I found giving him easy tasks helped to get him away from directly behind me when i was cooking. One day he surprised me by managing to peal potatoes. Putting things in the bucket as well as he would always rip things up kept him occupied. They do this as they dont feel secure. I was always frightened he would get burnt or i would turn from cooking and knock him. At times i used to put a plane program on the TV as he liked to watch the planes and lock myself in the bathroom just to get some mytime. I know its wearing when they do that. You have to be so alert.
     
  7. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    My Dad does it with my mum too. Does get waring after a time! She gets him to help as best he can preparing dinner etc. Bit what gets her is that after she has done all the chores etc and she goes to sit down, he's up and pacing wanting to go out - almost as if she's not allowed to rest!

    It's those things that seem so harmless that when they happen all the time just wear you down!

    It helps a little to know you aren't alone but not much late at night when all you want to do is sleep!

    Scott
     
  8. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Edie, my husband also paces around constantly and although he eats well, is very thin because of the energy he burns each day. He walks and walks until his back gives way and he is in great pain. When he was first admitted to the continuous care ward at the hospital, he walked so much that he developed huge blisters on his feet.

    It seems to be a very strong part of the symptoms that sufferers cannot bear to have their partners out of their sight. I know it is a form of security for them in a world where they are bewildered and lost but it is so very, very wearing and tireing. In my experience it is the most difficult thing in the world to deal with, especially when diversion tactics take so much time to set up and are only successful for a few minutes at the most and result in frustration and anger.
    xxTinaT
     

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