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-P.O.A. How to bring up subject with Terry?


Registered User
Apr 11, 2008
Hello everyone

I am looking for advice as to how do I bring up subject with Terry when he thinks he has just memory problems.

I have an appointment with solicitor next week but I really don,t want to upset Terry. He will understand the implications.
although the hospital said i should get it into place asap

How did you deal with it, should i put it off for awhile?

Any insight will be gratefully received
thank you

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Hi Jan,

As difficult as it might be I would be inclined to at least get the paperwork in place sooner rather than later because Terry has to be able to show that he understands what POA is. It doesn't mean you will register it straight away but it's just there in case you need it further down the line.

The way we got round it with my mum is by mentioning nothing to her about the POA but by her and dad going to make wills. The solicitor then advised them to both complete POA documents for each other at the same time. I understand it to be quite common practice these days as my in laws have done the same thing.

This worked well for us - mum didn't feel like it was just about her because she (theoretically) could have claimed POA over my dad and we got her to sign the necessary documents for us to register further down the line.

Mum doesn't know that we are her POA and everyone is happy (well as happy as you get with this stuff!!).


Registered User
Jul 16, 2007
Liverpool, UK
I seem to rememeber we did much the same for my parents. My Dad has AD, but my Mum covinced him at the time that it would be a good idea to get their affairs in order. They went to their solicitor and I think sorted their wills and did the POA at the same time for both of them. We have never had to tell Dad why we did it and now, further down the line he doesnt know that Mum is now using her POA for him.
I would think it would be easiest to get it done as early as possible.

hope this helps



Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
I think it is frequently a suggestion that solicitors make when people draw up wills - to make a poa at the time.

If you have wills already, then you might say you are reviewing them and at the same time.....

If you don't have wills, then it is a good idea to get one made up anyway, and also do poa for each of you at the same time.

So if you both go, both do whatever is needed, then it may not come as a surprise.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Jan.
I had the same problem.
We got round it by making Mutual EPAs now LPAs. I told Dhiren it was an extension of our wills in case anything happened to either of us, and he was happy to accept that explanation.

I went to see the solicitor by myself, just to explain the stage Dhiren was at. I was able to tell him he still felt fully competent, believed he was getting better and so was rather sensitive about discussing his Alzheimers openly. In other words, I just made sure, in advance, that the solicitor would be tactful. He was super.
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Registered User
Apr 11, 2008
Hello again
Thank you all so much for your help. we already have our wills in place
but both doing it makes sense.
could please excuse my ignorance and tell me what is the difference between a EPA and LPA


Registered User
Apr 16, 2008
We were told by the hospital to do it straight away and did. with dad but didnt with mum. the problem of getting it after a person is worse is imposible. we got dad to sign the forms two years ago but didnt lodge it with court until this year as he is to bad to keep his affairs in order. so my advice is do it right away. and say it is just in case he gets worse

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
I'm sure there are information sheets on here about POA - hopefully one of the moderators will direct you to it - I'm not skilled enough for that yet!!

However, as I understand it EPA was Enduring Power of Attorney and unless the forms are already signed you will need to have an LPA which is a Lasting Power of Attorney. I think the lasting is supposed to be better because it's encompasses health decisions rather than just financial.

Of couse I could be completely wrong about this so I'd check out the information sheets first or the Public Guardian Office website.


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Jan

You really shouldn't put it off and get it sorted as soon as possible. I really do understand you not wanting Terry upset but if it's left it could be a lot more upsetting.

Alan thought he just had speech problems but I knew that it was my responsibility to make his and our lives as easy and comfortable as possible. I knew that a time was likely to come when I would need to act on his behalf and that if I wasn't legally in a position to do that then it would mean chaos in our lives, I would be very stressed and that would affect Alan.

It was a tax letter that came for Alan that was the deciding factor for me. Alan couldn't speak to them and I had to explain to them the problem. They dealt with this situation over the phone very well on that occasion but urged me to get Power of Attorney as soon as possible.

I phoned the solicitor, explained the situation to her and she advised it be done as soon as possible because Alan would have to show that he understood what was happening.

How I got round it with Alan was to point out to him that he could either deal with these things himself and I handed him the tax letter, or he could arrange for a paper to be drawn up which would allow me to deal with these things for him if it was ever necessary. I kept from him the urgency of the situation and he understood it was something that might happen (like a will).

Love Helen