My mother has dementia. She’s been functional until recently. She lives with me and I’m really struggling to cope with her behaviour. If she’s not throwing tantrums and behaving aggressively shes in floods of tears! My father also has dementia and he’s in a care home. My mother wants to visit him every day and is insisting I take her. I no longer visit my father because I found it too difficult. He can no longer walk and is double incontinent. He no longer knows who I am so my visits don’t affect him but leave me devastated. I have two autoimmune diseases one of which can cause life threatening complications because it effects my internal organs, specifically kidneys and lungs and is exasperated by stress. Every day my mother orders me to take her to see my father when I refuse she gets nasty, aggressive, confrontational and then starts crying and repeats the whole saga over and over again. She simply won’t give in. She has absolutely no quality of life and must be terrible lonely, it’s impossible to engage with her because she always kicks off so everyone is terrified to speak to her. I feel incredibly guilty that I can’t cope with it better but I simply can’t. I’ve tried all the tips and tricks it doesn’t help she’s too clever for that. The only thing that would work is if I agreed to go to the care home every day from 2 till 6 and took her anywhere else she wanted to go. It simply isn’t possible to meet her demands! I’m not sure I can cope much longer.