1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

overwhelming feelings

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by sford91, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. sford91

    sford91 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2015
    111
    Past few days I have had overwhelming thoughts and feelings about when the time comes when mum is no longer here. We are not at that point yet but I feel in myself it will be at some point this year and I hope in the kindest possible way it will be ( I know that sounds awful) but she's then at peace then and we have closure to the end of what has been an awful situation.

    I however have an overwhelming mix of feelings, angry, sad, loss grief I suppose. I feel anger because I want me and my partner to think about having children in the very near future and I know mum won't understand or be there to support me or give me advice, I feel sadness that I cannot pick up the phone and just speak to her to tell her my news or whinge about my rubbish day. I guess this has all come on the back ground of having a social care assessment for her care home fees to be paid. And she had ticked the box for the continuing care and we are now waiting for NHS England to contact us. I guess because mums in a care home now we don't know the true extent of everything and I guess in reality its that she's deteriorating. I feel like I could burst into tears at any point and like I have a massive dull ache in my chest that just won't go away.

    Sorry for rambling I am usually such a positive person and try and find a positive in every day and currently struggling.. don't think it helps that I am on annual leave this week and spent whole week doing dissertation.. oh and its my birthday tomorrow which I am really not looking forward to

    Thankyou everybody.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,861
    Male
    It is hard and dementia steals so much from everyone concerned with it.

    Your feelings are understandable as we all feel like that at times. I hope things get better for you.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,950
    Female
    South coast
    Im sorry @sford91
    You are describing anticipatory grief and all of these things are normal, so please dont beat yourself up.
    Tiredness wont help and things like having the financial assessment just makes it all so much more real. Mum passed away 18 months ago and I still get the occasional slap from the grief monster.
    ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))


    PS - wishing you a happy birthday for tomorrow and hope you have a better day
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,831
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi there.

    Canary just beat me to it! I was about to reply to you saying that what you're experiencing is anticipatory grief. Like grief after a bereavement it will be a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad you posted about how you're feeling here as I think you'll find you are not alone. Please keep posting and as Canary says, try not to beat yourself up about it.
     
  5. sford91

    sford91 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2015
    111
    I just feel like I have no control over anything and I think that's what scares me the most. I just don't know anything and hate not having answers or time frame to things. And when I see friends getting married and having babies it's like a salt in the wounds because they're all things my mum won't see. I just have to accept these things I guess and look at the positives i have.

    Thankyou for your comments
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,950
    Female
    South coast
    There can still be good times in a care home. My son and his wife started a family soon after mum moved into her care home. They visited her and told her the news and she was thrilled - then 20 mins later she asked about them, was told the news and was thrilled all over again! Son and daughter-in-law said it was the best reaction they had. Mum and her great-grandson met up in the care home after he was born and had all the ladies cooing over him.

    I know it wont be the same, but dont let it stop you getting on with life.
    (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  7. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,035
    Female
    Scotland
    That is lovely Canary.Yes there can indeed be good times in ar Care Home. I remember how thrilled Henry was when he met our first great-grandchild, I have a nice photo of one moment but I can't get photos on here now It has changed since I have been away. All four grandchildren were there that day, down from Aberdeenshire. Henry looked up at our first born grandson and said "I know your face which raised a gentle chuckle. The two of them had spent a lot of time together in the past.

    It is not the same as you say but such times are precious.

    Love Loo xxx
     
  8. sford91

    sford91 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2015
    111
    Thankyou for all your kind replies feeling much better today after a.good.cry last night. We've had some lovely memories in the care home over past two years. I just think as she's declining there becoming harder as she's non verbal etc. Hopefully taking her out on Saturday x
     
  9. One Moment At A Time

    One Moment At A Time Registered User

    Jan 4, 2019
    13
    Dear Person, thanks for your posting, honestly it's helpful to me (reading the same made me more humble & at the same time made me more conscious how I must belief & rely in a Higher Powerof my understanding 24/7), be wishes & be safe
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.