1. jeannette

    jeannette Registered User

    Feb 27, 2006
    55
    I haven't visited TP for months, because it's now well over a year since my mother passed away, and I think I coped pretty well in the early weeks and months, partly because her suffering and misery was over, partly because there was so much to do. Partly because I knew I had a new kind of freedom. And I don't think I felt too much guilt - or rather I didn't think that, but now I'm beginning to wonder, because for the past few months - from around the first anniversary of her final illness - I've been feeling very up and down. Physical stuff - loss of appetite, difficulty eating, etc - as well as just not feeling as happy and clear as I should, because things are fine, and I'm very lucky. My mum's AD and, in particular, the suffering of her final weeks, still comes back to me so much, and I know that bereavement isn't simple, even when the loss is of a very old and ill person. Still, I'm just wondering if there are others who've come back to TP a long time after, partly because they're still suffering some after-effects. I do get angry with myself, because time is passing, I'm getting older, and I believe we should make the most of every minute. No big deal, especially when so many of you are in the worst parts of this, so don't worry about posting replies - unless this happens to hit a sore spot with any of you.
    All very good wishes to you all.
    Jeannette
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,544
    Kent
    Hello Jeanette, I`m sorry you seem to be having a delayed reaction to your mother`s death.

    It doesn`t surprise me though, because for most people, death after dementia is seen as a blessed release from a very cruel condition.

    But now all the administation is over, and you have made the adjustment back to `normal` living after years of caring, I suppose this is the time to start to grieve for what has been lost.

    However old and ill she was, she was your mother. A year is not a long time to recover from losing her, after a lifetime of knowing her.

    Love xx
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Jeannette, I'm sorry you're feeling low following your mum's death.

    Your feelings are perfectly natural. I imagine that at first you threw yourself into things, enjoying your freedom. Now, when you're used to it, you have time to remember the good times and the bad times. Both of them can be painful, the good ones because you miss the love you shared, and the bad ones because you have so many regrets.

    We all suffer from the same feelings, Jeannette, and a year is no time at all. Try to take things as they come, and enjoy the good days as much as possible. Try always to have something to look forward to -- a holiday, a meal with friends, just anything to focus on.

    And post here whenever you want to, TP is still here for you.

    Love,
     

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