Outings from Care Home

[vinvin]

Hi to everybody

Has anybody had experience of taking their relative out for the day and then getting them back to care home with no upset??
To explain my mum loves to go out we try to take her out on a saturday either to have a walk on seafront (still preety mobile) lunch at the garden centre or just back to our house to see the cat. I am begining to dread it as when I take her back she doesn't want to go in and then doesn't want me to leave just says why do you keep bringing me back to this place. and gets verbally aggressive to the staff who try to distract her whilst I leave, have tried getting my husband to take her in which sometimes works but not always, my 15 year old son took her back yesterday but had to be smuggled out of the side door as she was getting stroppy, although he doesn't mind I don't like letting him take her in as she swears at him.

Anyway CH thinks perhaps better if I don't take her out but I feel bad about it as she loves to go out and if just visiting find hard to find enough to talk about and she won't play games or do jigsaws, and we do just sit and talk when I go in the week.

Wondered if anyone had any tips on getting someone back without too much stress and tears (from me).

 

[Helen33]

Dear Vinvin,

I wonder whether it might be the time of day that you take your mother back? If it is in mid-afternoon or late afternoon your mother might be experiencing sundowning which makes the person much more agitated and they can then be impossible to pacify. It might be worth experimenting. You could take your mother out in the morning and see what she is like when you get her back to the carehome by lunchtime. You could also assess whether your mother is particularly affected after she has been to your house.

I hope you find that changing something enables your mum to be able to get out more easily. I will certainly look forward to hearing how you get on.

Love

 

[vinvin]

Thanks Helen i will try taking her out in the morning and back before lunch. I usually take her back between 2 and 4 so it might help. I don't want her to not go out as she iso enjoys it.

 

[hopeful56]

I wonder if it might also help if you timed her return to lunch time, so she is immediately distracted by grub! You could perhaps sit with her a moment or two, tell her how nice the food looks and then explain you have to go to get lunch ready for yourselves, so you'll leave her to it.

JJ

 

[Pheath]

Dear Vinvin
We had this problem with my dad on and off during the earlier months of his move to a CH. Like your mum, he quite enjoys going out for drives in the car and we believe it’s good for him to see the outside world and get a bit of extra stimulation. However returning to the home could sometimes be problematic and we’d get reports that he was unsettled in the evgs, we even had a few occasions where to refused to get out of the car. We did for a short while lessen the trips until we felt he was more settled in the home. However, now 9 months on, he’s usually ok returning back although sadly he’s declined a fair bit in this period so think it’s partly also due to the fact he’s a lot less aware of his environment. I agree with others, that the earlier you get her back the better before sundowning hours and maybe for now at least, leave returning to the old family home as this might further add to her confusion. Do you know how long after you’ve left it takes the staff to settle her? If it’s a relatively short length of time then it might be the trips are worth pursuing. It's so hard as you just want to give her some quality of life and it's as though the whole thing then backfires!

 

[Taz]

Hi
When Dad went into his new CH, Mum decided to take him out for a while as when he was in the other one it was virtually impossible for her to get him out.
Dad didn't like it one bit and got very aggitated.
Mum has tried since but when she asks Dad he always says 'no' and if she then tries to move his wheelchair, he hangs onto anything he can to stop her moving him.
Each person and family are different though......we have family members who think that we should bring Dad home on 'special' days, such as Christmas etc but that seems to be more about their feelings rather than trying to do something that Dad might want.
I guess all any of us can do is try something and see how it goes!!!
X

 

[tomkitten16]

Hi we don't take mum out from her CH as we would never get her back in- she would refuse and get upset.Even at Christmas, we visited mum in the CH but we didn't take her out.The carers have taken her out to a panto and just to the local shops.I guess each person is different.