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Out of control

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
As if things weren't bad enough oh has decided he's not going into respite on Sunday. I fly to Tuscany on Monday. Where do I go from here?
My heart breaks reading this lot. What's the point of giving the poor man a lecture if he can't keep it in his bonce for longer than a few minutes? Makes you wonder what training these people have. Sorry Callandergirl. I'm going off on one again :(

Who's taking him in for respite?
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
My heart breaks reading this lot. What's the point of giving the poor man a lecture if he can't keep it in his bonce for longer than a few minutes? Makes you wonder what training these people have. Sorry Callandergirl. I'm going off on one again :(

Who's taking him in for respite?
I'm taking him but I'm going to ask the home if I can take him before lunch because he becomes belligerent in the afternoon, and that's when he'll dig his heels in.
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
355
Really feel for you. If at the moment he's saying that he's not willing to go into respite, do you think he will remember saying that tomorrow? If he is still insistent I would still prepare everything for him to go and not mention it until the day he goes.

Then when the time comes can you arrange for him to be picked up, even if you go with him too, but sometimes they don't argue with strangers as much as family, so maybe more accepting of situation with a stranger.

Just make sure you have your respite, you deserve it and need it. I found when I had a break it upset me as it illustrated to me the life I could be living and don't. So grab the chance of a break as you never know when the next one is coming.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
As if things weren't bad enough oh has decided he's not going into respite on Sunday. I fly to Tuscany on Monday. Where do I go from here?
If you reach desperation point on Saturday, how about telling an Alzheimer's Lie, and taking him to the CH, and if he questions where you are, put your hands behind your back, cross your fingers, and say it's a hotel where we're having a break ..............

I'm sure a word with a member of staff will guarantee that they'll distract him, whilst you depart.
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,074
Devon
Sorry you are having such an awful time Callandergirl. Some very wise words on here from people who have been through similar battles. Nothing I can add, just to add my wishes that you find a way to get him to the CH so you can get the break you so desperately need. Sounds like a very good idea for you to contact the CH and let them know there may be problems.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello callandergirl, l am taking my hubby into CH today for 2wks respite, l have told him we are going to stay in a hotel, he wouldn't know what respite is, if he did l would have problems, l am coming back home to pack his clothes, as he is unable to pack them, and would not let me touch his clothes. Tell your hubby you are going to stay in a hotel for a few days, staff will distract him, then you can make your getaway.
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
Hello callandergirl, l am taking my hubby into CH today for 2wks respite, l have told him we are going to stay in a hotel, he wouldn't know what respite is, if he did l would have problems, l am coming back home to pack his clothes, as he is unable to pack them, and would not let me touch his clothes. Tell your hubby you are going to stay in a hotel for a few days, staff will distract him, then you can make your getaway.


Thank you everyone for your advice. OH was taken into a care home today, 2 days early by 2 CPNs with the proviso that if he doesn't settle he will be sectioned and admitted to hospital with my daughter's permission. I'm very grateful to all of the staff and to my GP. Now I have 2 days to come down to earth before I go away. Whew!!
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Thank you everyone for your advice. OH was taken into a care home today, 2 days early by 2 CPNs with the proviso that if he doesn't settle he will be sectioned and admitted to hospital with my daughter's permission. I'm very grateful to all of the staff and to my GP. Now I have 2 days to come down to earth before I go away. Whew!!
Wow. Bet it was a bit of a shock to hear that. Meanwhile, he will be taken good care of, so you enjoy your break, Callandergirl. It's good that you're getting a rest.
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
Well I had a wonderful week in Tuscany. The weather was fabulous, the hotel was very comfortable with lovely staff and the trips were terrific. Our courier, Alessandra who works for the Travel Company was superb and the other travellers included me at all times. I'd recommend anyone to go with them. OH seemed quite settled when my daughter saw him on 3 days. However, today, our first full day into the old routine started off well but inevitably followed the path of recent times. Only 1 bus trip because he had a dental appointment. Made arrangements to meet him back at the house, only to find he'd walked into town and had a drink and his meds etcetera don't go with drinking. So, here we are back to square one. He doesn't see that this behaviour is reinforcing everyone's opinion that he's not safe out on his own.

Roll on January when I get my next break!!!!
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
Glad to hear the holiday went well:) On the other hand sad to hear he's dropped straight back into the old routine:(
It's a shame a week off hasn't broken the cycle.
K
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
Still out of control.

Last week OH took £80 from my purse and he's spent all of it on snacks and alcohol. Because I refuse to give him any more than the cost of a cup of coffee he tried to get his best friend to lend him money. When he refused he went to bed in a huff. He later got back up and walked into town. My daughter and son-in-law caught him taking money from M an acquaintance. Fortunately they gave the man the money back but oh became quite belligerent and tussle with my son-in-law. When asked about it later he gave me the wrong name of the man who was giving him the money, so he'd
never have got it back!!

I suspect he did something similar yesterday because I'm sure he'd had a drink but he hadn't any money. I feel I've got to report this to social work on Monday and if they ask if I want him to go into a home I'm tempted. I think the time has come. He's behaving like the alcoholic he never was.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,942
South coast
Oh callandergirl, what a hard decision.
It sounds like you have tried everything and it is now too much for you. Its now not just affecting him, not even also affecting you, but also other (possibly quite vulnerable) people too. I think you could well be right to say that he is not safe to be out any more
:(
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Oh callandergirl, what a hard decision.
It sounds like you have tried everything and it is now too much for you. Its now not just affecting him, not even also affecting you, but also other (possibly quite vulnerable) people too. I think you could well be right to say that he is not safe to be out any more
:(
Sadly, I agree with canary. :( It's a dreadful decision to have to make. I feel for you, especially as I was in the same boat myself. I wrestled with my conscience at the time, but looking back, I know it was, for us, the right thing to do. xxx