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Out in the car (again)

Slipstitch

New member
Jun 17, 2022
6
0
Hello everone. I’m new to this forum. My husband (probably midstage Alz) is wanting me to take him out for a drive in the car over and over again in the course of a day. He has no memory of the trips we’ve already done so feels he hasn’t been out for ages even five minutes after we’ve just got back. On the one hand it’s an easy thing to do compared with what’s probably coming down the line, but on the other hand the miles and petrol costs are racking up, and althoigh I’m ok for a coupke of trips, the number of them is wearing me out. I go because he will ask and ask until I go. If .i say no he says he’ll drive himself - I don’t think he actually would, but I can’t let him drive so feel i have to go. This post is partly to have a moan but also to ask for advice.
Also, i haven’t used an online forum before and find the amount of threads a bit overwhelming. Ideas about how/where to start please…
Thankyou all so much for being there.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
8,011
0
Essex
Hello everone. I’m new to this forum. My husband (probably midstage Alz) is wanting me to take him out for a drive in the car over and over again in the course of a day. He has no memory of the trips we’ve already done so feels he hasn’t been out for ages even five minutes after we’ve just got back. On the one hand it’s an easy thing to do compared with what’s probably coming down the line, but on the other hand the miles and petrol costs are racking up, and althoigh I’m ok for a coupke of trips, the number of them is wearing me out. I go because he will ask and ask until I go. If .i say no he says he’ll drive himself - I don’t think he actually would, but I can’t let him drive so feel i have to go. This post is partly to have a moan but also to ask for advice.
Also, i haven’t used an online forum before and find the amount of threads a bit overwhelming. Ideas about how/where to start please…
Thankyou all so much for being there.
Do you have any other relatives that could take your husband out to give you a break?

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
8,011
0
Essex
Dear @Slipstitch,

Can I suggest that you a look around the site to see what other people are going through? When I was caring for dad with Alzheimers I used to post in the welcome forum quite a bit until someone suggested that I post in 'I Care For Someone With Dementia'. I would suggest you post again in 'I Have A Partner With Dementia ' then you may get more responses.

MaNaAk
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,326
0
Kent
Welcome @Slipstitch

i haven’t used an online forum before and find the amount of threads a bit overwhelming. Ideas about how/where to start please…

Now you have introduced yourself it will be best if you start your own Thread in the section I have a partner with dementia , here;


You will see a blue tab at the top of the page saying Post Thread. Click on it and you will be ready to go. This way all your replies will be together and will offer the support you need.

Make any excuses not to drive out so many times. They do not have to be truthful, however much it goes against the grain. It's different now.

Too much petrol, cannot afford, car needs a service, you have a headache, anything which might delay the countless unnecessary trips.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
8,011
0
Essex
Welcome @Slipstitch



Now you have introduced yourself it will be best if you start your own Thread in the section I have a partner with dementia , here;


You will see a blue tab at the top of the page saying Post Thread. Click on it and you will be ready to go. This way all your replies will be together and will offer the support you need.

Make any excuses not to drive out so many times. They do not have to be truthful, however much it goes against the grain. It's different now.

Too much petrol, cannot afford, car needs a service, you have a headache, anything which might delay the countless unnecessary trips.
I also want to suggest a befriended service or daycentre so that you get some respite.

MaNaAk
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,458
0
Newcastle
Welcome @Slipstitch, in addition to the suggestions above, and if all attempts at diversion and avoidance fail, remember (as he won't) that any trip out does not have to go far. Perhaps you could do a very short trip, arrive home as though you have been on an epic journey, and continue to make a fuss about what a great day it was. It will not be true and may require some acting but could be worth it if it brings some peace from endless repetition.
 

Bakerst

Registered User
Mar 4, 2022
181
0
Hello everone. I’m new to this forum. My husband (probably midstage Alz) is wanting me to take him out for a drive in the car over and over again in the course of a day. He has no memory of the trips we’ve already done so feels he hasn’t been out for ages even five minutes after we’ve just got back. On the one hand it’s an easy thing to do compared with what’s probably coming down the line, but on the other hand the miles and petrol costs are racking up, and althoigh I’m ok for a coupke of trips, the number of them is wearing me out. I go because he will ask and ask until I go. If .i say no he says he’ll drive himself - I don’t think he actually would, but I can’t let him drive so feel i have to go. This post is partly to have a moan but also to ask for advice.
Also, i haven’t used an online forum before and find the amount of threads a bit overwhelming. Ideas about how/where to start please…
Thankyou all so much for being there.
Hello and welcome ☺
That rings so many bells..it's constant..every day, so many times a day
I have had to become very inventive..and I'm afraid, a fibber, OH always wants to go and see his sister, who doesn't want him to go, it's also long and difficult drive to get there. I end up taking him to the cash machine, for a paper etc.etc. Can't really take him shopping anymore for reasons I have posted about before.
I try and think of reasons as above, headache, tired,..even saying,as we have been out every day (we haven't) .we decided we were having day in today 🙄he still asks every 20 minutes or so but I just repeat the answer I'd decided on that day. Sorry not much help, but my utmost sympathy. OH is mid stage alzheimer's too (I think 🤷‍♀️)
 

Valpiana

Registered User
Sep 16, 2019
507
0
Can you set a timer and say "We will go when the timer goes off". This way you could perhaps get your PWD to wait a while and then increase the time. I know this might not work but perhaps it's worth a try.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,878
0
South coast
My mum always wanted to go out. She would say "Where are we going?..... Lets get out of here..... Lets just go..........Im getting cabin fever" She would be happy in the car, but once we got to our destination, 5 mins later she would to go home again. I eventually came to the conclusion that she thought that her confusion from dementia was due to her location and if she went somewhere else she would leave all the confusion behind. So when she was at home she wanted to go out and when she was out she wanted to go home - unaware that wherever she went she would take her confusion with her.

I found it helped if I delayed taking her out by saying no, not yet without using the "no" word. So, instead, I would start the sentence with "yes" and say something like say "yes, we can go out but lets have tea first/when Ive got the washing in/after lunch/tomorrow/... "
 

Slipstitch

New member
Jun 17, 2022
6
0
Thank you so much everyone for your replies about the car journeys and also for suggestions about where to post things. I went straight to the wrong page, I think, without seeing the 'how to use the site' instructions - I'll read them now and try to be in the right place.
All your responses are much appreciated. I think the thing that works best is the 'yes, in half an hour' response, and hope he starts watching a film or something so I get a bit longer! No, no relatives, just me - I expect a lot of us are in this position.
Anyway, thanks again, and see you at other places on the site as time goes on.