Im not really sure where to start, I think im after some knowledge, understanding and advice. Part of me just wants someone to tell my story to without having to sugar coat it. My dads parents are in there late 80’s, they are both very old and frail and I am ashamed to say I haven’t made the best effort to see them often over the years. I work full time and have a 6 year old daughter and in this busy world find it hard. Anyway this isn’t about me its about them…
My granddad first started showing signs of Alzheimer’s when he would go down stairs to take the bins out but end up at the local shops telling anyone who would listen that he owned a carpet shop (he never owned or even worked in a carpet shop). Hours would go by and my Nan would be worried sick, then he would just come home like only minutes had gone by. My mum saw them the most and insisted he see a doctor. The diagnosis came and so did the many discussions on their safety and happiness. By this time my Nan was so frail she could barely walk and seemed so stressed we insisted on them moving to an assisted living care home.
The move was stressful for them both and granddad thought they were going on holiday. But within a month I could see a massive change in them both! My nan was taking walks around the gardens.. Yes the lady that could barley shuffle herself to the toilet was now walking around a field!! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and for the first time in a while I said goodbye without worrying it could be the last time.
To be honest I had never really witnessed my granddads Alzheimer’s until recently. I must admit it scared me so much and I have been left feeling helpless and confused much like I’m sure he feels. Myself, My DD, my Nan and Grandad were sitting around the coffee table while my DD told us about her day at school. I was watching my grandparents as they listened intently to her stories and laughing, when all of a sudden it was like a switch. My GD’s face expression changed, he stood up and walked to the window, in a strange voice he said “I’m just going to put the car in the garage”.
Context: My GD always promised me that as soon as I passed my driving test he would give up driving and I would have his car as long as I promised to take my Nan shopping once a week. Sadly I failed a few times then gave up trying when my daughter came along. GD always had a car but when he was diagnosed my parents took his car away as he wasn’t allowed to drive anymore. For a time my dad used it but when I finally passed my test I went to ask my Grand parents if I could have their permission to drive it. With sound mind they signed it over to me and I have now been driving it for just over a year. In the last month nan has asked that I park outside the care home when visiting as to not upset him as his Alzheimer’s has developed.
So back to the room and my Nan starts to tell him that he has no car and no garage and he cant drive. He looks confused and doesn’t seem to believe her. I told him that the car was at my parents and that he hasn’t had the car for 2 years. He calmed for a minute but then started all over again. This continuous back and fourth went on for around 20 minutes. My nan was getting distressed and upset, I’ve never seen my nan cry but she had tears in her eyes and it broke my heart. She begged me to go and get the duty manager as my GD was now fighting to get out the door. I took him by the hand and told him I needed to go out and that he had to look after my DD. He accepted and sat down. Should I have been worried to leave him with my child in that state I’m not sure..
I found the DM and she told me how this would be the third time in a week he had flipped out. It was always about his car and the want to go and park it in his garage. She told me how his Alzheimer’s had developed a lot in just weeks and that he now needed full time care. She explained that in order for him to have the care he needed they would have split them up. My Grandparents have been at each others side for 63 years, I’m afraid to split them would be disastrous. All had calmed when I left an hour later but I worry for them.
Thank you to anyone that has taken the time to read all this, I welcome any advice, ideas or anything that may help. Thank you in advance for your comments
Charlotte
My granddad first started showing signs of Alzheimer’s when he would go down stairs to take the bins out but end up at the local shops telling anyone who would listen that he owned a carpet shop (he never owned or even worked in a carpet shop). Hours would go by and my Nan would be worried sick, then he would just come home like only minutes had gone by. My mum saw them the most and insisted he see a doctor. The diagnosis came and so did the many discussions on their safety and happiness. By this time my Nan was so frail she could barely walk and seemed so stressed we insisted on them moving to an assisted living care home.
The move was stressful for them both and granddad thought they were going on holiday. But within a month I could see a massive change in them both! My nan was taking walks around the gardens.. Yes the lady that could barley shuffle herself to the toilet was now walking around a field!! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and for the first time in a while I said goodbye without worrying it could be the last time.
To be honest I had never really witnessed my granddads Alzheimer’s until recently. I must admit it scared me so much and I have been left feeling helpless and confused much like I’m sure he feels. Myself, My DD, my Nan and Grandad were sitting around the coffee table while my DD told us about her day at school. I was watching my grandparents as they listened intently to her stories and laughing, when all of a sudden it was like a switch. My GD’s face expression changed, he stood up and walked to the window, in a strange voice he said “I’m just going to put the car in the garage”.
Context: My GD always promised me that as soon as I passed my driving test he would give up driving and I would have his car as long as I promised to take my Nan shopping once a week. Sadly I failed a few times then gave up trying when my daughter came along. GD always had a car but when he was diagnosed my parents took his car away as he wasn’t allowed to drive anymore. For a time my dad used it but when I finally passed my test I went to ask my Grand parents if I could have their permission to drive it. With sound mind they signed it over to me and I have now been driving it for just over a year. In the last month nan has asked that I park outside the care home when visiting as to not upset him as his Alzheimer’s has developed.
So back to the room and my Nan starts to tell him that he has no car and no garage and he cant drive. He looks confused and doesn’t seem to believe her. I told him that the car was at my parents and that he hasn’t had the car for 2 years. He calmed for a minute but then started all over again. This continuous back and fourth went on for around 20 minutes. My nan was getting distressed and upset, I’ve never seen my nan cry but she had tears in her eyes and it broke my heart. She begged me to go and get the duty manager as my GD was now fighting to get out the door. I took him by the hand and told him I needed to go out and that he had to look after my DD. He accepted and sat down. Should I have been worried to leave him with my child in that state I’m not sure..
I found the DM and she told me how this would be the third time in a week he had flipped out. It was always about his car and the want to go and park it in his garage. She told me how his Alzheimer’s had developed a lot in just weeks and that he now needed full time care. She explained that in order for him to have the care he needed they would have split them up. My Grandparents have been at each others side for 63 years, I’m afraid to split them would be disastrous. All had calmed when I left an hour later but I worry for them.
Thank you to anyone that has taken the time to read all this, I welcome any advice, ideas or anything that may help. Thank you in advance for your comments
Charlotte