Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
Thankfully a slightly quieter day today. Have moved the wheelchair into a temporary home and fielded a few messages about coffin availability and celebrants.

Enjoyed a lovely walk in the woods and feeling almost human 😀😀

Almost a bit too boring considering the circumstances- but then started having thoughts of writing a dark book about a serial killer in a dementia nursing home 😱😱 Quite where that came from I don’t know! Definitely won’t be doing that - far too much of a wimp for scary stuff……

Also thought on what you said @Knitandpurl a few weeks ago about my weight bearing exercise …..definitely NOT going to a gym….shall I laden up a wheelchair and push it round the streets….or perhaps advertise myself ….’do you want your loved one taken for a push £15 per hour’…..do u think there’s a market for that?🤣🤣

Realising I actually lost mum along time ago…..but with this death of a thousand deaths…I‘m actually not sure when I lost her 💔💔
 

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jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,234
0
Chester
Realising I actually lost mum along time ago…..but with this death of a thousand deaths…I‘m actually not sure when I lost her 💔💔

It is a slow gradual process which I found so hard.

There were still glimpses of my mum's sense of humour even on the day she died, joking with the GP in the morning, before suddenly (for end of life) becoming unresponsive and dying that evening but I felt like I had truly lost her long ago.

I was relieved the end had come, with tears only coming out many weeks later, weeks after the funeral.

You have shared lovely memories of your mum with us all which will help who she was to live on.

As for weight bearing exercise I think the walking you do fits the fill very well, perhaps we will hear tales of walks further afield, you could complete the Scottish Munros or the Wainwrights or a long distance path local to you in stages.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
Ahh @jugglingmum you‘re a mind reader! One of my friends (in her 70’s) who is a long distanced walker has inspired me and we have already been talking about me doing the Pilgrim’s Way from Winchester to Canterbury. I actually did a tiny bit close to home today. last year when I couldn’t go far from home I virtually did the UK National parks on the World of Walking app…..I’d love to have a camper and drive the route!

The gradual death is so hard….I struggle thinking now When did mum go? Like your mum, she was still some of mum the day she died ….but largely she was a very adorable over sized baby / toddler……looking back at photos from this time last year it’s odd to see her being able to feed herself ….she really had become so very disabled.…..but yet she wasn’t suffering and by dying when she did I don’t have those awful memories many have of seeing months of just a living corpse. That we have escaped…
 

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jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,234
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Chester
Before uni I did a lot of walking with the scout and guide movements and decided I wanted to do all the long distance paths at some stage (what would now be called a bucket list). Met hubby and he wasn't into walking. There are a lot more now than there were then, so won't be doing all of them but still on my bucket list.

I've done some local bits of the sandstone trail and offas dyke, and hubby has now decided he likes walking so we are making plans to do some others. We do have a camper van to use.

I too was relieved mum didn't end up in the severe later stages, she died 10 years from diagnosis and 14 years from when I had clear concerns, with some indicators going back longer. I took a photo when I visited her less than a week before she died and she looked very well, although defined as end of life due to severe weight loss and barely eating, which from this site I knew was part of end of life shut down. (And exactly 12 months to the day before yours).

Both our mum's were quite adventurous with foreign travel, although I think yours was far more so than mine. I think the world was actually a safer place to travel in in the 50s than now, certainly couldn't do what my mum did now. My mum had wanted to get a campervan after my dad died but for some reason it never happened but she did go off and do some bucket list trips, staying in B & Bs, like Holy Island in Northumberland on her own.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,481
0
Nottinghamshire
Ive done the Pilgrim’s Way from Aylesford to Canterbury and it was great. Not too hard, and some nice places to stay. If you fancy further afield the Via Franceginia (sp?) in Italy is good too.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
Ive always known that walking will see me through this period - I like the idea of having a purpose with it - I’m not sure I’d do them in one hike but maybe a few weekends away doing sections??

I want to make sure that the adventurous streak mum has passed on in these past few months doesn’t get lost and I drift back into a mundane life. My thinking is that to use the probate period to see more of the UK and then when that is finished and house sold etc to go further afield. @jugglingmum ur right, it’s not as safe and easy as it was. Imagine following mum’s steps through Iran and Afghanistan now! Apparently until the 1970’s there was a travellers bus from London to Delhi!

Anyway today my sister and I did a mini journey back to the south coast and mum’s house. I wasn’t sure how I would find it as I haven’t been since I last brought her in September. It’s been fine so far - the mum of the last few months wasn’t the lady who lived here. That distance has helped I think. We’re here to rest and maybe a bit of sorting. I plan to come back quite a bit over the summer - I will keep my 3 working days for now.

Whilst I’m here maybe I will start some of the back story …tired now tho. Am finding my brain feels full. I could barely process the decision of what I needed to bring. Made me wonder if that’s a little what it’s like to have dementia and when mum was unable to tell me her food choices 💔💔
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,234
0
Chester
Grief makes you tired.

I have wondered when ill and tired and struggling to think if that's how it feels. I think this has really happened to me when hungry, although the post covid extreme fatigue overlapped, after 4 years post covid fatigue is receeding.

Mum went overland as pillion on her sisters motorbike to Tripoli, mum returned by plane. Her sister had a job in Tripoli (bilingual secretary). Not a country you'd choose to visit now.

A break away is good when you're grieving. Hopefully you'll rest a little bit, and remember good times at your mum's house.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
Gosh …pillion to Tripoli 🙈🙈 Imagine if a daughter came home now and announced to parents that was her summer travel plans 😱😱😱

Weve been left quite a legacy by these mum’s of ours….they didn’t even know about smart phones and scrolling for entertainment!!!
 

Knitandpurl

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
935
0
Lincolnshire
Thankfully a slightly quieter day today. Have moved the wheelchair into a temporary home and fielded a few messages about coffin availability and celebrants.

Enjoyed a lovely walk in the woods and feeling almost human 😀😀

Almost a bit too boring considering the circumstances- but then started having thoughts of writing a dark book about a serial killer in a dementia nursing home 😱😱 Quite where that came from I don’t know! Definitely won’t be doing that - far too much of a wimp for scary stuff……

Also thought on what you said @Knitandpurl a few weeks ago about my weight bearing exercise …..definitely NOT going to a gym….shall I laden up a wheelchair and push it round the streets….or perhaps advertise myself ….’do you want your loved one taken for a push £15 per hour’…..do u think there’s a market for that?🤣🤣

Realising I actually lost mum along time ago…..but with this death of a thousand deaths…I‘m actually not sure when I lost her 💔💔
Oh @sdmhred , you really make me laugh- I bet you would get takers for the wheelchair push though - what about as a charity money raiser..
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
Oh you two have made my mind whirl….a mini olympics with several categories:

1) Wheelchair users pushing themselves or carers having a bit of fun doing the same
2) carers pushing a PWD in an ordinary wheelchair…canary…Agzy, Maggie etc
3] carers pushing a PWD in a posh tilt in space massive wheelchair …I’ve got thr chair just will need to borrow a PWD 😢

🤣🤣🤣 thanks for making me chuckle …

Its been good to be by the coast today. Looked at the view, sat on my bum quite a bit enjoying the view, some short walks and a little bit of sorting..

Remaining exhausted and got me thinking how we’ve lost any rituals around mourning. How helpful it would be to have a defined period where you could rest, mourn, have people feed, look after you etc…when you and the others knew their roles without our British inability to deal with death. In that light I have ordered some black velvet hair scrunchies to replace my red ones …just for a short while!

Thought these faces were rather unusual!
 

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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,499
0
South coast
Thought these faces were rather unusual!
They are Kerry Hill Sheep!! A rare breed

Wheelchair Olympics - hmmm. I would have to be careful not to turf him out of the chair taking corners at speed....

Im glad you had a good day out. I always find watching the sea very soothing, even when its rough. Im not surprised that you are exhausted - you have been (and still are) going through huge emotional turmoil
xx
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
1,754
0
Oh you two have made my mind whirl….a mini olympics with several categories:

1) Wheelchair users pushing themselves or carers having a bit of fun doing the same
2) carers pushing a PWD in an ordinary wheelchair…canary…Agzy, Maggie etc
3] carers pushing a PWD in a posh tilt in space massive wheelchair …I’ve got thr chair just will need to borrow a PWD 😢

🤣🤣🤣 thanks for making me chuckle …

Its been good to be by the coast today. Looked at the view, sat on my bum quite a bit enjoying the view, some short walks and a little bit of sorting..

Remaining exhausted and got me thinking how we’ve lost any rituals around mourning. How helpful it would be to have a defined period where you could rest, mourn, have people feed, look after you etc…when you and the others knew their roles without our British inability to deal with death. In that light I have ordered some black velvet hair scrunchies to replace my red ones …just for a short while!

Thought these faces were rather unusual!
Wheelchair race made me smile. 🙂Think I'd stand a good chance of winning going downhill! I'm waiting for a replacement chair as the one we have hasn't got hand brakes. We live in a hilly area and the first time I pushed the wheelchair it nearly ran away with me! I'm only 7.5 stone and oh is 12.5 stone. It gathered speed and I thought I was going to end up in the side of parked cars. I eventually regained control without mishap but it scared me and oh🤣 the secret is not to walk too quickly.
I'm careful where I plan to walk until the hand braked chair arrives .
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,453
0
Southampton
i can just imagine starting at the top of that cobble street in gold street shaftsbury, dorset and letting go or the grassy hill coopers hill cheese roll race. my brain is working weird tonight!!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 strap them in meet them at the bottom:):):):) fundraising and publicity to the cause.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
🤣🤣🤣Jennifer 🤣🤣🤣 raising money for carers and dementia …social services would definitely be round to give respite!
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,968
0
🤣🤣🤣Jennifer 🤣🤣🤣 raising money for carers and dementia …social services would definitely be round to give respite!
Either that or raising Safeguarding issues when the they see the PWDs being rolled down the hills 😂 😂

Thank you for the giggle, I needed it tonight.
 

Knitandpurl

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
935
0
Lincolnshire
A giggle to start the day, just what the doctor ordered. Read them to OH though and he couldn’t see the funny side - sad- before he would have been laughing big time. Wishing you all a peaceful day.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,653
0
Surrey
I’ve had another therapeutic day at the coast. I can really see now why people were sent to ‘convalesce’ by the sea. In fact I could easily do this myself….but I would end up being a hermit which may not be so good….lets hope regular breaks here do the trick over the coming months.

walked in the sunshine with an odd sea mist, bought veggies off someone‘s wall stall, went to an evensong service ( first time in church for 3 years 🙈🙈 - bizarre!) and a little bit of sorting.

No rare sheep today but a couple of photos of the SW coast path
 

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